National Eating Disorders Association

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Dave.link
My wife has an eating disorder but i dont know how to help!

Hi my wife had a very bad previous relationship and when it finished recieved and saw some nasty comments on social media.

She went through a really rough time and started starving herself or eating very little, after some strong resistance and a tough approach from myself and her parents we managed to pull her through, however she has never really recovered 100% we are newly weds too and i tell her all the time she is beautiful etc etc...
She tells me on a daily basis that she is fat and its really hard to get her to realise she is not im not sure what to do or what to say to her...

Do i go to the doctors?
Do i just try to get her through it again?

Any help would be greatly recieved

Many thanks

nanzhu
Stay strong

Hi Dave.link,
First, it's clear that you care about your wife very much and want to do what's best for her - which is very admirable and inspirational! I think that receiving the help of a medical professional would be very beneficial, either encouraging her to see a professional or seeing someone like a therapist together. The mental aspect of eating disorders can be one of the hardest things to overcome despite the efforts of others to offer reassurance. I think that offering your wife support and love is the most that you can do for now - knowing that you are there for her can let her know she has a constant source of support.

Here are some links that might be helpful:
Parents/family toolkit: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit
Advice for families: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/family-and-friends
Seeking and securing treatment: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/seeking-and-securing-treatment
Special issues: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/special-issues

The NEDA Helpline (1-800-931-2237 M-R 9-9 F 9-5 EST) is a great resource that can offer other options, and a support group (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-support-groups) could be another helpful option.

I hope this is helpful -- stay strong!
Best,
Nan

husband2eatingd...
your in a tough spot

I feel for you brother, you are in a tough spot. I too am in a situation like yours, a few months ahead of you though. We have six kids and I found out last fall that my wife has struggled with a eating disorder for the entire 14 years of our marriage and all through high school before that. It was a shock and it has been the hardest six months of my life. My biggest recommendation for you would to get her into a medical doctor weekly for weigh ins. Find a doctor who deals with ED's and will hold your wife accountable. I would also find a good marriage counselor, you have to have someone that can listen to both of you, marriage is hard enough without a ED to deal with. Your wife needs a good therapist. GET INSURANCE AS FAST AS YOU CAN IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!!!! I cannot emphasize that enough, we have spent over a $100,000 in the last six months, I thankfully got insurance turned on right before my wife went into inpatient. It saved me financially and probably saved her life. Reach out to a friend, brother, dad, or anyone and talk, talk, talk..... you need to have support just like your wife does. Good luck my friend, this a tough road to walk. Here is a blog that I started writing... could not find any good husband blogs out there, so I thought I would start documenting mine in hopes that it may help another husband somewhere not feel lost and lonely.

Johnney26
Eating disorder

Your wife is lucky to have a partner like you who cares about her and is looking for ways to support her. Seeing a medical professional is definitely important when any type of eating problem is going on. There are food addicts who need rehab to stop their compulsive eating disorders. There are even eating disorder treatment programs throughout the world. Hope this helps and and wish you all the best.

_admin_moderator
Hi Johnney26,

First of all, welcome to the forums! We greatly appreciate any advice you have to offer, and we are so glad that you are a part of our community. I wanted to make you aware that a portion of your response had to be edited because NEDA cannot endorse any one particular treatment center. You can read more about the specific forum guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelines.

Again, thank you for posting, and I hope you will continue to do so!
NEDA Forum Moderator