National Eating Disorders Association

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
GF with ED

My GF has anerexia and I am trying to find out more about it, understand it and find out what I can do to help/support her.
She has suffered with it for 10 plus years and is currently slowly in recovery, and her weight is currently sitting about just health.

What I am trying to understand is how we both perceive the way she looks so differently, to me she has this amazing body, she looks great but when we have spoken she sees this horribly fat body that she can not stand. She wants to lose weight to fit into a smaller skirt, even though she knows going down to that size would not be healthy for her.

We had a big meal Friday night and she felt so guilty the next day and still did 3 days later. She feels guilty for eating as she feels it is making her fat when there is nothing of her, I know she wants to be skinnier than she is.

Last night we were talking and she was feeling down as it is a huge drain on her and she talked very negatively about her body. I listed to her as I guessed it was the feeling she gets from the ED talking then I told her I love her and cuddled her for a bit. She ate later.

I never tell her to eat and push eating on her as I think that would have a negative impact.

I love this women so much and I am trying to read everything I can to understand as I want to help her anyway I can and its why I am here, what can I do past listening, giving her support and comforting her to help her. I know there is no magic wand or anthing like that, it just hurts me that I cant do more to help as I see her struggle and want to take that away and make the pain stop.

I know this post may jump all over the place and apologise for that. Any advice will be welcome even if it is just to support her and any questions will be answered

Sorry man...

I don't mean in any way to sound dismissive. However, you sound like me several years ago. I wish I could promise you that things will get better. I sincerely do! Unfortunately, I think one thing that is very important to realize with all of this is that the chances of successful recovery from eating disorders are not that great. It certainly does happen. And if things do get better, your love and devotion will almost certainly be important elements in her recovery. On the other hand, I think it is important that you consider the possibility that this could be a very long and difficult process that might not even succeed. (Sorry to sound like a downer!) While it is truly great that you want to support her, what I want to ask of you is that you make preparations to take care of yourself. One cannot imagine the level of difficulty that navigation through an eating disorder can be without having endured it. If you don't take care of yourself, you will be of no use to anyone. It sounds cliche, but it is very true. My concern in this situation is not your girlfriend (not that I don't care!). My concern is you! I think it is important that you have that sort of support. This world has a habit of isolating us from others. Try to find avenues to keep yourself in touch with the outside world. I'm not trying to talk you out of anything (wouldn't have worked on me) but I'm not trying to talk you into anything either. Do what is right for you. What that is is yours alone to determine.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck and hope for nothing but the best for you and your situation.



It is great that you are reaching out to learn about eating disorders and ways that you can help your girlfriend. I know you wish you can do more to help your girlfriend and that is difficult to watch someone you love struggle with an eating disorder. However, all you really can do to help your girlfriend is support and comfort her and offer guidance. Eating disorders are complicated and hard to understand. Honestly, I don't know if someone can completely understand an eating disorder, unless they have lived it. It is important to note that your compassion and support will not necessarily get your girlfriend better, but supporting and guiding her is very essential to helping her. Here is a link that you might find helpful, it is for family and friends who have a loved one that is struggling with an eating disorder:

Recovery can be difficult, but it is possible. At the end of the day, your girlfriend's recover is completely up to her. All you can do is continue to care about her and support her.