National Eating Disorders Association

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Hi I'm new here. I am just really struggling with eating and I the guilty thoughts about it afterwards. I am so afraid to gain weight as a competitive athlete and the day before my races is all out of wack because I feel that I need to somehow be lighter on race day. I know that my problem isn't valid because I still eat, and I haven't lost a lot weight, but I just want to this to end but I don't know if I have the strength to tell my therapist or anyone around me.

Hi jem3910, welcome to the

Hi jem3910, welcome to the forums! We are glad that you reached out for support. We wanted to remind you that you can always reach out to the NEDA helpline if you feel like you need more support or access to more resources in the meantime. The helpline phone hours are Monday through Thursday 11am-9pm ET and Friday 9am-5pm ET and can be reached by calling 800-932-2237; you can also use the online chat to speak to someone Monday through Thursday 9am-9pm ET and Friday 9am-5pm ET.  Keep posting and stay strong!

I definitely understand the

I definitely understand the fear of being open about EDs to others, even therapists! But remember the more we keep them secret, the more they thrive. You deserve to be free of these thoughts and harmful behaviors! If anything, they are taking away from your experience in sports (believe me - I had to quit all of mine because of my ED). Don’t let it come to that. Take that first step. No one is here to judge you, especially your therapist! Once you start to be open, that’s when the healing can begin
Sending strength. You can do this

Hi this is super late but I

Hi this is super late but I totally understand this. I was a competitive runner and very focused on my performance in track and cross country during recovery. I was ‘recovered’ but still hyper controlling of the quality of my food (orthorexia) because of performance concerns. I was struggling to have a cycle but thought that because I was gaining weight I was healthy, which wasn’t true. Now looking back I wish I had taken a break while I focused on restoring my cycle and my mental health. Believe me I know it’s hard, athletic performance becomes such an integral part of our identity. Just remember that your mental and physical health is more important than athletics, and someday when you are out of that environment, what you look back on and regret won’t be the seconds lost in a race, but on putting off prioritizing health, at least that’s how I felt. And remember that you are so much more than the time in a race. Hope your well!