National Eating Disorders Association

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ilostmyself.98
recovery for me is hell

Hi everyone.
I have been a member it says for 1 month and 4 weeks. I realized I have an eating disorder caused by stress and living in a toxic environment. here's a bit of my back story since this is the only place I feel safe.

as a kid my cousins used to make me feel uncomfortable. it came to the point where I started listening to my body. my body was trying to tell me to be scared this isn't normal.

here I am 23 years old with my own daughter now. anytime I look at her I get flashbacks about the things I faced. I know its not her fault but it haunts me.

I now have people asking me how I lost weight so fast or wow Im used to you being thick or hey your losing weight. why dont people realize that these things puts us in a deeper hole. I know I shouldn't let their words get to me but it does and it hurts and I feel like im never getting out of this alive.

I feel like im drowning and everyone is just watching me sink to the bottom throwing me short pieces of rope to "help" but is it really helping? or is it just to make them feel better about themselves?

im having gallbladder issues because the drastic weight drop and prior to this I spoke to my dr about having an eating disorder and needing to take steps Into recovery. so we started me with therapy. now she's telling me its my fault that im going through these gallbladder issues because I lost too much weight as if I told her this is what I wanted to do. I never wanted to lose weight I've been depressed and alone without really being alone cause I have my man aka my daughters father but he's always at work so again alone.

I also get these awful pains in my knees ankles back just all round body aches and pains. is that normal? has anyone else felt this way? I feel like a zombie at times. I also get hungry pains but no motivation to get up and eat something as I should.

I have no friends because any friend I get they just start issues so that the friendship can end and then im the bad guy. I had a friend who sabotaged our living space knowing I have a child and I can't work cause im a stay at home mom and still to this day won't take accountability for it. she tried making it my fault and then bring things up that didnt have to do with the current situation.

I feel like im better off forgotten.

but that's not what I want. I want to love myself again. I want to feel like someone again.

I just want my life back.

recoveryj
I’m so sorry you’re facing so

I’m so sorry you’re facing so much hardship right now. It sounds so lonely and terrifying. Know that you are not alone. And you are deserving of support, love, and care. Have you tried searching for someone who specializes in eating disorders? It sounds like your current doctor is extremely dismissive and is not listening to you at all. It would be really helpful to find a doctor who is familiar with eating disorders to help you better meet your needs. Another idea is to get in touch with a dietician who specializes in eating disorders. They can help you come up with a meal plan that meets your needs and helps you truly get your life back. You deserve to heal. You deserve recovery. You are loved and you are worthy

2Healthy4me
I Wish You the Best of Luck in Your Recovery

Sounds like it may require some therapy sessions, and perhaps referral to see a specialist to figure out the ultimate Healing Plan for YOU.

_admin_moderator
Dear ilostmyself.98,We would

Dear ilostmyself.98,We would like to inform you that we edited your post to remove the details of the trauma that you have experienced. As per community guidelines, we kindly ask our users to refrain from discussing special details about their traumatic experiences since it could be triggering to other users. We encourage you to contact RAINN for support. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to post!