National Eating Disorders Association

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Journey2Heal
Hard to Move On

This is my first time posting, so hello, all, and thanks for taking the time to read this.

I've been in and out of recovery anorexia for about 10 years now. I'm feeling most positive about my recovery process this time around and I really feel like I'm on the cusp of making more progress than ever before! Which feels really amazing. My weight is restored, I have some great coping mechanisms in place, I feel good (most of the time), my relationships are good, food doesn't dominate my life anymore! BUT every once in a while I still get hung up on one thing. It's like my ED is still holding on to my brain just by a thread and telling me that it's not good to be okay. That it's not good to be healed. That I need to be 'sick'. I know that's not true but I guess ED has been in my life for so long that it's just become a part of me and I'm not entirely sure how to cut that last tie and be free.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, do you have any advice for breaking that final tie?

Thanks!

Annet
Hi Journey2Heal,

First of All, Congratulations on your 10 years of recovery work. Also, welcome to the forums!
I perfectly understand what you mean. I am somehow there and every time that I am close to break that final tie, I relapse or simply, I start using some behaviours.

Sometimes, I wonder if I love my ED so much that I do not want to let it go.
Other times, I hate myself for not cutting the final tie.

I think this is a process and it will take us some time to get convinced that we do not need our ED's in the back pocket. We need to let them go.

I have also had an eating disorder for a long time (21 years). So, more than half of my life, I have been sick.

Honestly, I do not remember how it feels like to be "normal". So, maybe what happens to us is that we may be afraid of the unknown... even if it might be better!

Just a few thoughts... Keep going

Annet

2Healthy4me
Best of Luck in your ED Recovery

Sounds like you have made much progress.

Take care and continue on with your Healing Journey.

There is so much more in life to enjoy

than the abysmal depths of an Eating Disorder.

Getting through the Dark Temptations of self Sabotage,

is the hardest part, I think,

that I have experienced.

Good Luck