National Eating Disorders Association

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my mom is stopping my recovery

guys please help me this is really bringing me down. I'm 14, female btw.
I suffered from a very restrictive mindset when it came to food (obsessive calorie counting, weighing X a day, losing too much weight..) I developed this ED in quarantine and a few months ago I started my recovery journey. I'm still in the middle of it but I stopped counting, weighing myself and forcing myself to work out. no, I have not gotten rid of all the bad thoughts and no, I'm still not perfectly happy with myself and no, I cannot always eat everything and not feel bad. But I'm not done yet and I have worse days and better days which is perfectly normal. The thing is, my mom really contributes to the disordered thoughts because she has them herself but she doesn't admit it.
Her daily calorie intake is probably about X a day which is not enough.
when I want to cook for her, there's always some comment like "is it full fat?" "how much X did you use?" "could we have less of that and rather have a X on the side?"
or when I wanted to make breakfast for us in the morning: "I don't like having so many X for breakfast"
also, typical phrases:
"I feel like a whale" (then she eats even less)
"oopsie, might have not eaten enough today"
"I'm not a sweets, baked goods person" (I know she likes them)
and she orders X at restaurants, rarely has desserts or shares them, only eats tiny portions at events and the list goes on. she also doesn't want me to bake anything because she "can't restrain herself it it's there".
a few days ago we were in the car for a 5h ride, she'd eaten X. says she's hungry, eats X. like, how am I supposed to feel good about my eating habits when she eats half of what I eat and constantly complains about how much she overeats or her weight.
and yes, I've talked to her about it many times but she just says that she needs less and that it's none of my business.
The thing is, she always tells me EXACTLY what and how much she's had that day (kind of disordered) even if I tell her to stop and she gets super annoyed and mad when I tell her to eat more.
help me idk what to do but this is affecting my recovery


Hi marierecovers44, welcome to the forums! We’re glad you’re here. We edited your post to remove specific numbers and details about foods that could be triggering to others, which are not allowed on the forums – you can review our community guidelines here.  

It’s great to hear about your progress in your recovery journey so far and you’re completely right that it’s perfectly normal to have worse days and better days, but we’re sorry to hear about how challenging this is to be around and how it’s been affecting your recovery. You are worthy of support, and we encourage you to reach out to the NEDA Helpline. If you need help finding resources, the NEDA Information and Treatment Option Helpline phone number is 800-931-2237or there is a chat function on this website to discuss support options. Helpline phone hours are Monday-Thursday 11am-9pm ET, Friday 11am-5pm ET. Helpline chat hours are Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm ET, Friday 9am-5pm ET. Please don’t hesitate to reach out and take care.

This sounds like a really

This sounds like a really conflicting situation. But, it sounds like your mom may have some issues of her own. Maybe it's time to ask another adult to tell her to stop telling you what she's had to eat. Sometimes people say, "I've eaten too much." As a cue to other people to tell them it's okay to eat more. But how often she does it is not okay. I'm sorry your going through this. I urge you to seek a therapist's guidance. Hugs!

I am so sorry. That sounds

I am so sorry. That sounds incredibly difficult to deal with. Recovery from ED is hard enough on its own let alone having to do so in such a toxic environment. You are so strong for sticking to your recovery and standing up for yourself and your needs when your mother seems to be working in opposition. I’m so sorry she can’t see how harmful her words and behaviors are. It is absolutely incredible how you’ve been able to stick to recovery despite all that’s going on. Know you always have a place here. You ARE taking the right steps. If you aren’t already, I’d highly recommend looking up a therapist who specializes in EDs. They can be really helpful especially when there are outside stressors against us. You deserve to be free from ED, to nourish your body, and be well.
Stay strong, you can do this.

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