National Eating Disorders Association

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AvatarKyoshiStyle
Want to Talk with others with similar problems...? (Yes that's a q mark)

Hi.

So I'm almost eighteen and I'm a little concerned about how I eat. I'm a healthy weight, but I've realized I focus a lot about my food. I started tracking what I eat around five years ago when my older friend got me into fitness and running. I became very restrictive, and sometimes would skip meals if they didn't suit my idea of healthy (My clubs often go until 8 or 9 and then it takes me an hour to bike home, but I wouldn't like the food so sometimes I'd just skip eating and then eat a lot at home). After I quit x country freshman year of highschool I put on X pounds and became sort of self conscious about it. Then when I went on vacation I got up to X lb which was a lot for me, I'm 5'2. After that I went on an X diet for a few weeks, then X to got X, but since then it just feels like I'm either putting on weight of dieting. I have a habit of eating really well and then not, and then eating a bunch of X and stuff, so I'll gain again and then drop it. I think I'd probably gain more but I can't drive so I bike everywhere. I wouldn't really describe myself usually as having any disordered type of eating, because I'm a healthy weight, but I'm always thinking about my food. I always make meals that are different from what the rest of my family eats. If I'm putting on weight I'm stressed and feeling kinda bad.

I don't purge, and I wouldn't say that I exercise compusively, but I'm getting sorta nervous. I don't like the idea of being labeled with an eating disorder, especially because for the most part I think I'm in good health, but I feel self conscious about how I eat. I'm not sure that a lot of my friends track their food like I do, and worry about it so much. And if I'm honest I'm sort of sick of either being ill because I’ve eaten too much or too little. I'm not really sure what to do,and I just want to talk with people who maybe experience the same thing. I don't have the sort of personality where people think I'd struggle with this (whatever it is). People see me eat, watch me exercise, I'm very loud very energetic, very confident. I get that struggling with this sort of stuff is supposed to be normal, but I'm not comfortable enough to just bring it up to my friends.

I guess that I'd just like to talk to people who I feel like won't be sort of scared of me if I say stuff like this. I just kinda want to be able to talk to others with something similar.
So I guess just comment? Or offer advice? Whatever the spirit compels?
???

_admin_moderator
Dear AvatarKyoshiStyle

We are sorry to hear you are struggling with thoughts on your eating and weight. We would like to encourage you to reach out to our confidential NEDA Helpline as they may be able to assist you in finding additional support and resources in your area. Our Helpline is available M-TH 11am-9pm ET and F 11am-5pm ET. You can also chat with us online M-Th 9am-9pm ET and F 9am-5pm ET.  Additionally, we have had to edit your post of specific behaviors, numbers, weights, and specific food items as discussion of these is not allowed on the forums. These can be very triggering for other members. You can always review our community guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines   or chat with someone from our Helpline if you have any questions. Stay well and take care!

Tryingtoheal
Unfortunately

we are not able to give professional advice. I understand not wanting to be given the label of having an eating disorder, but if you do have one, being informed and getting professional help will save your life.
And if you have an eating disorder, you're not in good health. Weight and body size does not mean you are healthy.

yoyokay
Weight does not mean it isn't ED

Before I was ready to acknowledge that I had an eating disorder, I was experiencing a lot of similarities. Unlike you, I was compulsively and excessively exercising, but like you, I was constantly thinking about foods, whether that was being afraid to eat unhealthy foods, or craving foods but denying myself permission to eat them. I didn't think I needed help because "there are people who are skinnier than me." Now, I am at a dangerously low weight and am struggling with the impact on my mental health as well. I would strongly recommend talking through these feelings with a therapist, even if not an eating disorder specialist. They can help you navigate these feelings and find a healthier relationship with food and your body. Not every person who has an ED is underweight! That does not mean that the situation is not serious.I know that it is stressful to be constantly thinking about and planning around food. I hope you can find a way to lessen the constant food thoughts.