National Eating Disorders Association

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Not Sure What to Do Next

This is my first time posting. I just made an account after using the hotline service and the screening tool. The screening tool told me I'm at risk or possibly have an eating disorder, which is something I've thought for a long time. I know I need to speak to my therapist and a doctor, but until I can get in for my appointment, I thought this forum might be a good idea. When I was in middle school and high school, I would go through periods of time where I wouldn't eat unless someone was watching me and I would lie about eating so people wouldn't know I was starving myself. Eventually, people starting making very hurtful comments about how I was too skinny. I still do, but especially then, I based a lot of my self worth on what other people thought of my body so I decided to stop starving myself so I wouldn't be too skinny. I started forcing myself to eat any time I had the urge to starve myself, but that just kind of replaced the problem with a new problem. That combined with some unwanted side effects from the medication I was taking led to massive weight gain. Now I'm in my mid twenties and I still don't have a healthy relationship with food. I often binge when I'm in a bad place emotionally and when I do binge, I feel so incredibly guilty. Lately, the guilt has gotten so bad that I've stopped eating again. I've never sought help for this. I understand that having an eating disorder is a very serious thing and I'm scared that I'm overreacting and I don't want to minimize what people with eating disorders go through if that's not what's going on with me. But I know I have an unhealthy relationship with eating and I know that something is wrong. I'm looking for help trying to figure out what it is. Any advice or support anyone can offer me in this forum is very appreciated. Sorry my post was so long.

Professional help

It's good you're seeing a therapist. We can't diagnose anyone. I'm sorry you are struggling. I just got over 30 years of eating disorders. I've been in treatment for the past 4 years. I don't regret getting help.

Hi Ms. Jo,

Hi Ms. Jo,

Eating disorders are "monsters" that sometimes mutate over time. But at the end, regardless its form, it is the same monster.

I started with anorexia, then recovered for a short period of time. A little after, I started binge eating and I ended being bulimic. As of now, my diagnosis is OSFED. As you can see, eating disorders are able to change its form.

If you are feeling uncomfortable due to your unhealthy relationship with food, it is time to search for help. The sooner you attack it, the better. You will cause less damage to your body and your relationships.

For now and while you wait for your therapy appointment, start writing all the things you would like to get rid of. In that way, when you meet your therapist, you will clearly know what you hate about your ED. What is the type of relationship you would like to have with food? Start thinking of your expectations/goals.