National Eating Disorders Association

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yoyoyo123
Am i being dramatic, please help

HI, I dont know how to start this but I just need help, advice, anything, please. Im worried I could have a eating disorder but I really dont know. I grew up in a home with parents who dont understand struggles like depression or ED or anxiety, none of it, I have never been to a therapist or doctor, and I am to scared to talk to them about it, i have extreme anxiety around people and lots of depression symptoms but i do not want to self diagnose. I dont know what to do. I used to be a healthy weight but this past year I have been eating less and less, 2020 has been the worst so far, sometimes at friends houses i go the whole weekend from Friday morning to Sunday night without eating, i hate eating in front of people. When i am home, i eat as little as possible because whenever i eat anything i feel extremely guilty afterwords and hate my body so much. Im 5'1 and my weight fluctuates depending on what i ate. whenever i weigh more i feel so guilty and the only way i like myself is when i am the skinniest possible. I want to loose even more weight, i feel fat and ugly and unlovable. I hate my body so much. i cant eat anything without extreme guilt, and when i dont eat at all i get bad stomach pains and dont feel good. I want to make myself throw up but im scared. i dont want to self diagnose but i just need help, i want answers, my friends are worried about me saying i have a eating problem and it makes me feel horrible. i dont feel like i have a problem. But i just need to know. i cant talk to my parents about it either, they notice i dont eat sometimes and just make fun of me for having "anorexia" like its no big deal. please please please somebody respond to this. Am i being dramatic, or is this a serious issue, the way i have been raised i dont talk to people about my problems and just brush everything off like its no big deal but my friends are worried about me and its scaring me. someone please help, is this a real issue, i dont know what to do...

_admin_moderator
Dear yoyoyo123, We edited

Dear yoyoyo123, We edited your post to remove mentions of specific weight numbers, which can be triggering to other users. You can review the community guidelines here.In addition, you mentioned some concerning feelings in your post.

Stay safe and keep posting. 

march26
hey

Your parents do seem to be hard to confront.

"my friends are worried about me saying i have a eating problem and it makes me feel horrible. i dont feel like i have a problem. But i just need to know"

so since you need to know, talk to your friends about it. They seem to be very supportive and definitely love you. and perhaps after talking to them, you may have the courage to tell your parents, and perhaps receive the support you need.

being judged is always an issue, isn't it? I don't know how you feel or think, but if I were in your shoes my big fear of telling my parents would be that they'd, like you say, make fun of me for being anorexic. I honestly was also afraid of being judged when deciding whether or not to tell my parents, but I persuaded myself using my faith.

I'm Christian, and one night all of a sudden I realized, I'm going to heaven for forever, why does everyone's reaction to me matter so much? My spot in heaven is sealed as long as I believe in Jesus Christ, so why should I care what people think? Let me live the way I need to live, and attempt to get the support I need.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I hope it helps you in your journey of healing.

yoyoyo123
march26

thank you so much for the help and advice it means so much to me, i am trying so hard to tell someone but i just dont want to admit it to myself let alone anyone else...

Miggi
Short answer: Yes, you do

Short answer: Yes, you do have an eating disorder, and yes you should seek help.

Long answer: I'm so sorry that your parents aren't understanding, that makes the situation much more complicated. I recommend telling a trusted adult, teacher, family member, doctor, or a friend. Just having someone to talk to makes it much easier. It is clear that you have an eating disorder, and there are many things that you can do. Seeking help is the first step. NEDA has some great resources, so I recommend them. I send hugs your way, luck my friend!

yoyoyo123
miggi

there isn't a lot of people i can talk to about this, im so scared to tell my parents or admit to my friends that i think i have a problem. every time my friends bring it up i always say im fine and its normal and im healthy and i try to eat around my parents even though they wouldn't notice or care anyways. i live in a very small town and have never even been to a doctor, and with the pandemic going on i cant see my friends, im so scared, i feel so uncomfortable telling my parents, they just wouldn't get it, and wouldn't take me to a doctor or do anything about it cause they would think i am being dramatic. no one knows how worried about this i am...thank you for your answer though i really really appreciate it, i just dont know how to take the next steps...

march26
hello friend

I don't have anything to say about the doctor issue, since I really don't know anything about that.

But, not to be blunt but you really need to tell someone around you (your friends if not your parents). Like Miggi says, having someone supportive around you makes the biggest difference in the world. Whenever I start restricting, my dad (for some crazy reason) always notices, and always goes like, did you eat?, and then forces me to eat more lol :)

You mention the pandemic and not being able to see your friends face to face. You could try texting them about your ED, which might be easier than talking to them in person (for me texting is always easier than talking as I am a socially awkward person).

But you really really need to tell someone.

Keep posting whenever you need it and don't worry I have just gone through the feelings of panic you are experiencing, as well as the needing to tell someone but being too afraid to. You got this. It is hard but in the end when your friends are supportive (I'm sure they will be, they care tons for you), you not only might be proud, but you will also feel insanely relieved.

yoyoyo123
march26

Thank you, it means so much people replied to me, and for your advice, it means more tan you know

rachellane
my recommendation

I would highly recommend you contact one of the hotlines. They would be very knowledgeable about what to do in this instance and I'm sure they have handed very similar ones before. you're not alone and dont have to do this alone either. You definitly need immediate attention to your ED. I always make the mistake of waiting too long to get help and I don't want you to suffer as I have in the past. It is much better to deal with a problem sooner than later, especially eating disorders. I know it is hard in your situation to seek help, but fight for your life. This is your life not anyone else's and in order to live it in the best possible way you will need to get help. Make yourself your priority.

yoyoyo123
rachellane

I will try my best, it might take time but i will try so hard to get there, thank you so much for your reply and support

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