National Eating Disorders Association

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tryingtobebrave
Broken

I feel like I am truly at rock bottom right now. I am a complete wreck. I was holding up okay until I got the denial letter from the insurance in the mail. My dad once again went back on his word to help me, and my mom was telling me how I have to handle this myself. I went from fine to being close to crisis in so little time.
I tried to explain that it’s not that I WONT handle the hearing and legal part to get the surgery, I /can’t/. With my ptsd, this stress pushes me way over the edge and I CAN’T. I don’t know how to explain it any better but my mind just can’t tolerate it without pushing me into crisis.
So now I feel belittled and looked down on from both of them, I don’t know if he’ll help or not, and I feel completely hopeless. I texted my therapist and we made a telehealth session for tomorrow morning. I took my anxiety medication. I KNOW I did the right things in response to feeling a crisis possible coming on, but the interaction with my parents has made me feel completely out of control. It makes me feel crazy and worthless. I can’t stop crying, I feel so anxious and useless and I feel like a worthless waste of space when I can’t even handle dealing with the insurance anymore.
I feel broken. I wanted to use drugs so badly today. I feel ashamed to even be admitting this.

iwanttolive
Friend

I am so sorry. There is no shame for feelings. I care about you. Just know we care. I wish I could help you. I love you.

iwanttolive

Savedbygrace
Your feelings are valid

And make perfect sense. Insurance is one of the most frustrating and difficult and hard to understand to face and deal with. Maybe your therapist or doctor can speak on your behalf. Keep posting as much as you want and need.

alwaysthinking
Grrr!!

I'm so sorry that your dad did that to you!! That makes me so mad!! (My momma bear instinct is kicking in, really high,right now) I hear your frustration and anxiety, and it is definitely nothing about which to be ashamed, or to feel like it makes you worthless. I understand from where you're coming, though, because I often have similar thoughts and feelings. But, still, GRRR!! I don't get mad very easily or often, but when someone I love gets hurt, because of someone else's behavior, watch out!! Except l literally can't do anything, but tell you that. :(
I love you and care.

Blue44
tryingtobebrave

I’m so sorry that you are feeling so badly. I hope that today will be a better day for you. Reach out to a crisis network if you need that. I care about you very much.

_admin_moderator
Dear tryingtobebrave, we are

Dear tryingtobebrave, we are concerned about some of the thoughts you have been describing. If you are in a crisis, please text "NEDA" to 741-741 or call 1-800-273-8255. Please stay safe!  

NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.

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