National Eating Disorders Association

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Hello. I am sorry you have been struggling for so long. One thing is that we are not allowed to give out specific treatment center information. But, we can offer support and help. If I may, I was wondering why you have not let your wife know of how much you are struggling. Do you think she suspects something, because even though I am not married, I would think that living with someone who is that close to you probably knows something isn't right and is afraid to bring it up or is waiting for you? Do you think she is worried about you? Does it affect your relationship do you think to have this kept from her? I know these seem like very intrusive questions from a complete stranger. I struggled with eating disorders for most of my life. I am now getting a lot of relief although I still have some struggles. I found it very difficult to hide from my parents. Could never do it, they always somehow knew. Still know when I am struggling even if I don't tell them.

If you are planning on going into long term treatment or a day program she will probably have to be told. How would you feel about her knowing at that point? Are you feeling shame for struggling? Because this is not something you dreamt up and said, I want to have an eating disorder. No. Life events caused you to turn to behaviors because that is what addictions do. They serve a purpose and that is often to relieve internal pain that has never been dealt with.

Have you ever seen a therapist for this? NEDA can help you locate treatment providers in your area. If you really think you need to go inpatient, they can help you find a place as well. You may want to call different places to see the ratio of men to women and the average age. It may be helpful information. Also to know what type of therapy is used: DBT or CBT are the two most common. Knowing how long they give you to finish your meals, if they allow you to select your meals or if they serve you. Some places go on exchanges and allow you to menu plan, others just serve you and you eat what they serve. But I am getting ahead of myself. You first have to decide if you are going to therapy, or if you want to go into the hospital and then start therapy after. I think if you go to your medical doctor and get checked out medically. Let your doctor know what is going on. If you are going to get help you will probably need to start letting some people know, such as your medical doctor. It may be scary or embarrassing, but we all struggle with something and shame should not factor into your getting help. Eating disorders are life threatening and if you think it is out of control I urge you to seek some sort of help.

The type of insurance you have will also have an impact on what type of program you may be able to go to. I know I just threw a lot of information at you. Hope it wasn't too overwhelming. I also hope it helped some. You may never get to this point because you were upset by my initial questions, but I asked them because I have been dealing with the eating disorder a long time and understand family dynamics a lot. I wasn't trying to be too personal. You don't even have to answer them on the forum. They are for you to think about. So, if you want to, let us know how you are doing. I'd like to here how you are.