National Eating Disorders Association

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Still anorexic or a bulimic/binge-eater?

My story is that last year I became anorexic at a very stressful time, no prior history of ED. I fell hard and fast became so ill that I was hospitalised for 2 months where they were actively trying to re-feed and safe my life, then I was released to an inpatient program, still very much underweight and ill. In my sore excuse of a country there's only one establishment dedicated to treating eating disorders, owned by the state. At this time said establishment was having massive financial problems as well as being constantly and severely under-staffed so this program was not functional and did not help.

Once the inpatient program finished, I did not go on to an outpatient program which would be the normal thing to do as I had no choice of doing so outside of this only ED-treatment establishment. At this time I was still very underweight despite having gained some weight, and as my mind never fully recovered I cognitively maintained this unhealthy weight for about four months. Fast forward to this summer when I decided to eat like a normal person. I gained some more weight fast yet not enough to have a healthy BMI, then my metabolism seemed to heal and the weight gain slowed.

THEN the unexpected happen; CRAZY. BINGES. Everyday!

I’d feel awful after a binge and I'd swear to not binge the day after but I’d still binge every day. About three months after the binges began I graduated to bulimia because the binges were too much for to handle and the fullness was seriously affecting my daily life as I couldn’t perform daily tasks when too full to move, and I’d have to fix my state of uncomfortable fullness in order to do my job, etc I’ve been using symptoms for about 3-4 times every day for the past 2 months.

Last week I made a pact with my boyfriend where he’d help me with all his might to adapt to normal eating habits and I’d swear to use symptoms. I’ve not thrown up for about a week (a small victory but a victory still). However, I keep. binging. It’s relentless and always becoming more severe, frequent and massive. And I really, really cannot handle it. I even contracted the ED-treatment center that I swore to never again consider but there’s a 10 month waiting list to any program (again, bravo my sore excuse of a country and it’s health care “system”).

I’m not restricting my intake at all or compensating in any way as I know that’d make matters worse, but my fucking dream is to just be able to eat like a normal person, if I could just not overeat before 8 AM on a daily basis, that would be great (I wish I was exaggerating, I’m not, it’s a daily thing and just the tip of the iceberg).

The point is that I’ve been eating on a regular basis for seven months now, never ever missed a meal or a snack, and eating at least the three major meals for a year. I’m still a liiiitlle underweight but barely but God, isn't this is too much to even be classified as anorexia’s extreme hunger? Can I even get extreme hunger after having been eating for so long? Is this turning into a binge-eating disorder and I’ll just move from one extremity to the next or will this ever STOP?!?

I would of course seek professional help on this if I had any means to do so, but this cannot wait 10 months as this is inhibiting every aspect of my daily life, so I’ll just ask this on here with hope that anyone has some tips, experience with similar things or insights. Anything helps!

Dear vordloldemort, we would

Dear vordloldemort, we would like to inform you that we edited your post to remove details about disordered eating behaviors, which could be trigerring for the community. You can review our community guidelines here. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to post!  

The first thing I would do is

The first thing I would do is try to figure out what this is really about because it's not about the food, that's just a symptom. You're just using it to cope, so there must be something going on in your life that is triggering that. The other thing is there are some good books out there that may assist in taking steps, and see if there is an EDA 12 step group in your area to attend!


We can support, but not advise, on what to do. The only suggestion is to start with seeking a therapist. I'm sorry things are difficult. Please keep us posted.

Hi I would definitely see a

Hi I would definitely see a therapist if I were you. See who is available in your area and don't just settle on one-- try going to see a few to see who is the right fit for you and then once you find the right person hopefully you can try to get to the root of your issues

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