National Eating Disorders Association

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I was trying so hard to stay on my meal plans. I had so much hope. But I have been sick since last Tuesday with who knows what, and it's not getting better. My throat constantly hurts from coughing and feels like it's on fire, and so often, after I eat, I either feel nauseous or have excruciating stomach pains. So, I finally decided to stop trying so hard and just do what feels best. Which is very little, unfortunately. I called my doctor Wednesday to try to get an appointment, but he's not in until next Tuesday. The nurse said I could see someone else in the office, but my "trauma brain" screamed "no way!" It's difficult enough to contemplate being examined by him, even though I've become comfortable with him. But this has gone on long enough, and I really think I might have pneumonia, because I've had it before, a long time ago, and the symptoms are similar. So, I'm breaking down and going to urgent care tomorrow, but only with my best friend by my side as extra support. I HATE that an illness can derail any progress I was beginning to make. I truly want to be eating properly. My mind and mouth are wanting food, but my throat and stomach say, "no way, Jose!" Grr! Problem is, now I am having restriction urges again because of all this. And I still am waiting to hear from the PHP place. I see my e.d. therapist in three hours, so maybe by then, I'll know a little more.

I’m glad your going to urgent

I’m glad your going to urgent care, and I understand how difficult it is to be examined by a new provider in terms of trauma, so I’m really proud of you for taking care of your health even if it’s frightening. Let us know how it goes and please take care of yourself. I love you.


So I went first thing this morning once they opened, best friend in tow. Turns out I have acute bronchitis. And then I went to the pharmacy and got medicine for it. I still feel like a semi truck ran over me oh, but at least I managed to eat some lunch according to meal plan. I keep having the issue of my mind and my mouth want to be eating properly but then my throat and my stomach say no way. But I managed to find something in the fridge that appeased both of them, or I guess I should say all of them. It gets confusing having so many parts of me that have their own voices! As my therapist yesterday said it's not as if it's really being dissociative, it's just truly feeling like these parts have their own Minds. But at least I'm in a better mind frame. I really do want to get better. And I don't mean physically only. When I was at my therapist yesterday , we contacted the PHP place again and for some reason they keep losing the lab work that my doctor has sent twice. So I send a message to my doctor to send it again and then I'm supposed to contact the PHP place on Monday if they do not contact me first. Becoming very frustrating but I'm hanging in there. I'm just grateful I was able to finally eat again. And without taking a laxative. Oh this disease! What is it like to be "normal"?


I’m glad that you went to the doctor. I hope you feel better soon.


Thank you. I hope you do, also.

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