National Eating Disorders Association

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tryingtobebrave
Progress

So today turned out to be a really good day.
First, at the psychiatrist I advocated for my needs. I said I cannot do the trauma IOP until after my surgery. She was totally okay with that. She said the genetic test to see which meds would work best wouldn’t work with me because of multiple diagnoses. I told her my antidepressant isn’t working and I want to try something else. So she prescribed me something new to try and was supportive. It went so much better than I thought it would.
I had a great time at brunch with two friends. I only have three friends who live in my city that I spend time with, but I would rather have a few really close friends who I see regularly than have a lot of friends I can’t really connect with. The point being, my three friends all know about my eating disorder. So when the menu listed calories next to each item, I spoke aloud how I was feeling and what I wanted had more calories than other options. My friend supported me and encouraged me to order what sounded good for me and ignore the calories. So I was able to and I laughed and felt happy with them. I have a habit of always sucking in my stomach when I walk by people leaving a restaurant and feeling ashamed of my body, but today is the first time I was able to stop myself and think, who cares what a bun of strangers think, my body is not their business and they’re probably not even paying attention anyway.

My mental state is not great, but I’m surprised that I don’t want to relapse to cope with it like I did in the past. Sure, I still have urges to use behaviors in stressful or upsetting moments, but I fight them. Usually I win, sometimes i slip but I think I’m doing a good job. And I will continue battling for the freedom I have from the ED and addiction. Life is better on the other side, even if it’s hard. To everyone fighting for recovery, don’t give up. It’s worth it, you are worth it.

alwaysthinking
i'm glad

i'm glad you had a good time, and that your psychiatrist's appointment went well. it's good that you were able to admit what you were feeling and to get the support you needed.

Blue44
tryingtobebrave

That’s great that you advocated for yourself with your psychiatrist. I’m glad that you had a good outing with friends.