National Eating Disorders Association

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
CASACERA
IF ONLY...

Quoting my very special son who is always helpful, after I explained to some extent my BED
he said :"I do understand that part of your food issues involve lack of control,
but like when they tell you you can't eat 4 hours before an operation... it's different, you do what you have to do". "IF ONLY...I COULD GET IN THAT HEAD" and "do what (I) have to do". CC

Blue44
CC

You can do this CC! I’m thinking of you and hoping that you will have a good day.

CASACERA
thank you Blue44

just got a call back from the help line...good to get things off my chest...and where I can be specific without causing a trigger or problem for someone else on the forum. Never want to do that. Told the lovely lady how much this Forum means to me and that BED is included where up until fairly recently not in the classified ED category. Wanting, feeling pushed to continue a meal when it's over is so hard. I won't and can't give up. CC

CASACERA
put the words into action

"do what I have to do"..right now dinner time coming up. All I can think about is a special food that I love, that my hubby & I are having. To myself: Please look at it, it's all for you, no one's going to take it away, there is enough. Breathe, slow, small bites cut up small. Taste and appreciate.Look up really connect, hubby, surroundings. So hard. Want to be there with my (food) teddy bear, that's how secure particularly the beginning of eating feels. I don't feel guilty about this but ashamed that my behavior is like some sort of starved animal. Even for this place, yes even here. CC

CASACERA
p.s.

forgot to mention another very important stumbling block. TIME, YES. No one will think it's strange to have dinner at 6pm. But if I do (because I hate waiting) I'll have a long time in front of me. (probably hunger message pushing me around 9). But 7 is so much better. Please don't look aggast when I tell you I seem to be almost drooling. So "do what I have to do". Had laundry to be folded & put away, and a delivery of new sneakers I hadn't tried on yet. So now I can't believe it it's 6:58 on the computer in front of me. I talk about music so how'bout the Rolling Stones: "Time Is On My Side". When folks have said "CC you don't have a problem" (because I'm a healthy normal size) What can I say? I know better. CC

CASACERA
Last night out of control

But today is today and so far taken care of myself well. Hope my high fiber breakfast helps. Had given it up because it didn't seem to anymore. Water, really trying to drink more. Have to remind myself. Bike ride this AM. Nice. Lunch the way I planned, healthy, tasty and not overdoing the amount. Cut up small pieces as well. Having major teeth problems which relate back to my intense chewing and breaking my root canals. Also profoundly affects my heartburn/reflux issues. Sleep, constipation, all affected. Doing all sorts of projects to keep my mind engaged in other things except food. We'll see how it goes. Hope I can put this one day together. CC

alwaysthinking
here for you

at least, as long as i'm 100% on meals. their rules here. doing what i can. but always thinking of you and trying to help you by being supportive. you can do it.

CASACERA
magic time

woke up around, couldn't wait to have breakfast but really should have turned over and gone back to sleep for a while longer. Very tired after lunch , was able to rest this aft. Now fixated on what I'm having for dinner. Best if it takes longer to prepare. I've had periods of time when I consider myself in a remission of sorts and my disorder lacks this intensity. Numerous physical conditions to attend to. Want to ride my bike daily before colder weather. Choosing a rainy day this next week for blood test I've put off so I won't miss my riding. I love it when people ask me if I'm retired. Are they kidding, today? My home is like an office when I worked full time in publishing. What's the latest on the hospital, ATK? CC