National Eating Disorders Association

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mfwarlock
I need advice I’ve come to realisation I have an ED this past week

I’ve had a eating disorder for over a year and it started after doing a type of diet and losing a lot of weight, It gave me so much confidence and joy I just wanted to maintain my new body. I was careful of what I ate but slowly I would started developing bulimia it wasn’t excessive I would occasionally do it when I overate. I went through periods where I did it a lot then stopping.

7 weeks ago I decided I needed to lose weight after noticing I had gained X pounds after not monitoring or calorie counting. I was so upset I wanted to give up my unhealthy purging habit but felt so inadequate and punished by own body, when I realised I gained that much weight in such a short time. It basically justified my reasons to purge.

6 days ago I noticed I lost weight in 7 weeks, I went into panic mode and decided to start eating again. Since then I’ve gained X kg I’m close to the weight I want to be At I want stay at a certain weight. I’m just having anxiety with such rapid weight gain in such a short space of time.

I know I sound pretentious and shallow but I don’t want to go past a certain level of weight, i feel confident and happy when I see myself in the mirror plus it’s a healthy BMI range. I never intended to be skinny I just wanted to maintain the weight I got down to after my weight loss journey. I want to stay at X pounds.

I’m currently eating X calories a day for a week and I’m happy to regain as I know it’s good for my body and it’s rebuilding. But with just rapid weight gain am coming close to my goal weight. I want to give up my eating disorder and I will but I’m worried once I reach this how do I maintain and look ahead to the future. I read online about metabolic disorders and it freaks me out hope someone reading this can give me advice.

_admin_moderator
Dear mfwarlock, we would like

Dear mfwarlock, we would like to inform you that we edited your post to remove weight and calorie numbers, as well as mentions of specific diet regimens, which are not allowed on the forums. You can review our community guidelines here. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to post! 

mfwarlock
Thank you for the advice

It’s been 13 days since I’ve been eating again, I was calorie counting when I started being restrictive I told myself I would eat only X a day but I made a habit of over calculating to be on the safe side so I’m assuming I was probably eating around X a day. But during that week the first few days I was excessive I was roughly consuming X amount (I’m still guilty of over calculating now) but it was definitely inbetween that number. I’m just lost I don’t know what I’m doing and the uncertainty of the method I’m using to refeed is further driving me into panic. For the past 3 days however I’ve noticed my excessive hunger has decreased am consuming a regular caloric intake. I’m I still at risk of refeeding syndrome considering it’s been 2 weeks of eating again?

Forgot to mention I finally told my therapist that I have an ED that I’ve been using symptoms for over a year ( when I’m restrictive I don’t do this) and my fear of becoming fat again, but I failed to mention that I was underweight as well as the physical symptoms I was experiencing. I did ask her to refer me to an Dietitician and she said she’ll try her best. I also told her about the incident with the GP and how he scoffed at me when I asked for a referral and she told me to go and see a different doctor.

_admin_moderator
Dear mfwarlock, we would like

Dear mfwarlock, we would like to inform you that we edited your post to remove calorie numbers, as well as specific disordered eating behaviors, which are not allowed on the forums. You can review our community guidelines here. Thanks for your understanding!

koifish22
Dear mfwarlock,

I'm truly surprised that administrator account didn't refer you to a specialist. But, I'm here to lend you a friendly reminder that you are not alone! This whole forum is filled with people experiencing a journey similar to your own. Always remember that everyone here can help you, but so can a specialist. Have you tried reaching out to the helpline on NEDA or the chat now thing? They could help you just as much, if not more than everyone on here.
I'm sure if you contact some sort of dietitian also, you could ask them how you can safely give up the ED and how to do so without gaining too much back at once. My personal advice would be progressive re-emersion into eating. (Like, starting off with smaller amounts of food and moving onto regular portions so your body has time to get used to the food) I hope that makes sense :/ However, I'm no professional, so don't take my advice to seriously.
Reach out to someone because this journey of recovery could get lonely.. We're here for you and want to help
If you see this message, try and keep in touch perhaps?

Savedbygrace
Unfortunately

We aren't allowed to mention numbers. It looks like the administration's deleted these numbers in the first post, as they are triggering. They were triggering for me. Please keep this in mind. That aside, I'm sorry you are struggling and hope you can get the help you need soon.
The best advice I can give is to see a trained professional in the ED world.