National Eating Disorders Association

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
bennys
Daughter with depression and now ED

Reading thru other posts I felt I was looking at a mirror and reciting their words to myself. We have a 19yr. daughter that we just recently found out has anorexia. We had to face and battle depression, 2 attempts of suicide and social anxiety and now we get to add to it an eating disorder. So we have a support system somewhat in place which is helpful, but unfortunately our daughter doesn't take ownership of things enough to keep the support going. We can keep her in her counseling sessions (which is a positive) but when it comes to staying with the needed meds she won't stay on them regularly and take them unless we push her, and as of recently she has neglected staying active with her Psychiatrist visits and therefore fallen out of "the system" and has to be reestablished as a new patient. So now she is out of meds and we have to wait for an appointment to get into a psychiatrist to get her new prescriptions. This of course all happens at the same time we've found out about the issues with eating.

The first few days of things were scary and positive at the same time. It was great having her actually come to us with this (which her therapist had convinced her to do). We felt like she was finally taking ownership of things in her life. We felt we could help her along the way and monitor here a bit more and get her on track for eating. Unfortunately what we've found as many of you know, is it just isn't that easy. Since the initial discovery of it till now, things have gotten no better and we are learning that she has absolutely no interest in changing. Between the depression and the ED she just doesn't care. We've talked with her about getting into a nutritionist and been met with the comment of "whatever, it doesn't matter what they tell me I won't listen and want to keep losing weight". We daily force her to eat whatever we can, and get met with resistance every step of the way.

We, as parents, have become just plain tired. We've battled the depression and suicide (and cutting to make things a bit more complicated) for the last 6 years and felt that up till about 6 months ago we had some success keep her in a good place. Now this creeps up on us. In the past I've been able to look out and see through it all and know "we will get through it". This is the first time I have to say I can't see the end here.

I've become frustrated! Between her actions in the past and now this I feel like we have our family life revolves around her. We have two boys whom we've unfortunately had to push aside at times and ignore. So I get frustrated, then feel guilty that I'm frustrated with her and the fact our lives can't be "normal" (whatever that is anymore) which then leads to me be mad at her and myself.

Not even sure what I hope to get with posting this (first time posting on any forum for this). May be just a great place to vent. It's hard because there may be support out there but when crap hits the fan, it'sjust you (and your spouse) to wad thru these waters. It's good to see others get some of the same emotions. It's just good to know we aren't alone.

Erin_Patricia1
You are not alone

Hi bennys,

First off, I wanted to welcome you to the NEDA online community forums. We are so glad you have found a space where you can share you and your daughter's story. I am so sorry to hear what you and your family have been going through but I also wanted to say that you are NOT alone in this process. I struggled with an eating disorder, depression and anxiety during my late teenage years and into my early twenties and I can tell you, it was very hard on my mother to watch me go through this. At the time, I also did not want to get better and fought recovery the whole way through. I think at one point in my mid twenties, I was just really tired of being sick and tired all the time. You definitely have to want to get better and the pain of change is greater than the pain of staying the same. Does your daughter have a friend or a mentor she can talk to about any of this? When I was in treatment for my eating disorder, depression and anxiety I made a lot of friends and some of which I still talk to today! Or possibly maybe you can suggest her talking on these forums?

Please let us know if there is anything more we can do to help! You always have a listening ear here on the NEDA online community forums!

Erin_Patricia1 <3

_admin_moderator
Resources

Hi bennys! We’re glad you reached out to the forums. The NEDA Helpline may be able to help out and can be reached at 800.931.2237 M-TH 9-9 EST and F 9-5 EST.Since you mentioned that your daughter has experienced some concerning feelings, we wanted to post some resources in case you need support through these thoughts. 

 Please take care.