National Eating Disorders Association

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ape130
Help...or not?

I lied to my dietitian last night. WEll. Not directly but I manipulated the picture I took of my dinner for Recovery Record so that it looked like I had a full sized portion when I really didn't. That's the first time I've done that and I know it's a bad sign. Last week I bought a scale and was going to use it just for a few weeks, but my therapist happened to outright ask me if I'd been weighing myself. So i told the truth and she took my scale. I'm just having a hard time getting myself to eat more right now, and there's this huge drive to restrict. I feel like mentally and physically I'm still doing fine--am I in denial? Treatment team thinks so. Ed is so manipulative and very convincing, even telling me that I'm in charge this time around. And I believe him.

alwaysthinking
Keep fighting

Keep fighting Ed. You know ultimately that he's the one that's in control. Even though you don't feel it, you know it logically. Try to engage your wise mind and listen to it instead of Ed. Listen to your therapist and other members of your support team I know it's hard because I'm struggling with listening to a voice from my past right now and I just have to tell him to shut up because I am tired of letting him control me. And that's what you have to do with Ed as well. Here to support you

ape130
Thanks

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my post. That helps me feel supported, sometimes it's hard in these forums! You are right that logically I know Ed is taking over control. My best friend last night helped me create just one rule to try following for dinner time and I was able to do it. She's in recovery from ED right now.