National Eating Disorders Association

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ape130
Freaking out

Hey so tonight I told my dietitian I would push myself to eat closer to a normal portion size for dinner. And I did and now my body feels gross and I'm panicking thinking I should have counting how many chips I ate and I shouldn't have ate so much. Will this ever go away?

TimeToShine
In the past, when I tried to

In the past, when I tried to get better, I felt the same way. I'd feel like I ate so much and feel disgusted in myself. The thoughts will go away. If this is your first time, it's ok to panic, but know that it won't hurt you and it will get you one step closer to recovery. <3 hope you feel better

CASACERA
I'm here, I'm old, but I'm managing

Maybe yours will go away.. We're all unique. Me, I never give up. I'd been looking for a site like this. What is it? "Seek and ye shall find"? Someone will know where that's from. Me? Music runs through my veins and gives me great comfort. Looking at the title of your post. Right away Le Chic "Freak Out", see what I mean about music? I have special company this week. Won't be on as much as I'd like 'cause they're sleeping in the room with my desk top. Check with you later ape130. CC

sandragahlinger
Seeking...and finding

LOL I just used that expression in another reply. (It was Jesus who said it.) Loved your reframe on the title of the original post...you say you’re old and managing. What does managing with this look like for you? (I just found this site, too.) I knew there were other people with eating disorders. Didn’t realize others had similar thought processes. Then I found the video on the home page about eating disorder/mindset. (I had anorexia in my 20s - didn’t realized that it never went away, just went stealth). I’m now 50 and realized this past spring that it was back full force - and had been for a while (again, stealth)....not sure how I didn’t see that eating only one type of food wasn’t a red flag. It kinda creeped back in. Sneakypants...

ape130
Thank you CC and time to

Thank you CC and time to shine. Music speaks to me as well, I'm a classical type girl. I just got done meeting with my therapist. She is really pushing me and encouraging me to double what I've been eating. She said she believes in me, that she wants me to believe her instead of Ed's lies and to trust her. I don't know if I can do this, eat more food. I feel like I need so much constant support and I don't know exactly how to go about getting it when I'm not in 24 hour care.

sandragahlinger
EDs Lies

Ape130 - I appreciate your sharing your thought process and feelings. Highly familiar - and they do so very much feel like the truth, don’t they?? I get it - it seems like such a huge gap between where you are and how you feel/see things to what they’re telling you and trusting them. There’s a part that “knows” it’s the truth - and then there’s that part that....can’t let go. It’s like being asked to “jump”. If you’re willing to share, I’d be curious to hear what these lies sound like. What does the ED say to you? Speaking of music, I’ve been bingeing on Bach lately...not great with names, but it’s something like Suite for Cello in G, it feels like cool, refreshing water. I’ve been using music to calm/soothe, lift my mood. You CAN do this.

CASACERA
I don't know what to say except

That suffering and pain, no matter why is what I can relate to and of course music, my pulse my soul. I can't even fast for a blood test. I am a eating food addict. I have and do suffer and struggle mightily and asked about managing. What that means. For me: 3 moderate meals, healthy, balanced and enjoyable, & satisfying and 1 planned evening snack if desired. I post here to stay conscious and stop my food devil messages and urges from taking over, leading to out of control eating, great sadness and often a disconnect from others making me unable to live life fully and joyfully.

ape130
Some of the lies I hear ED

Some of the lies I hear ED say: You're doing just fine, this isn't going to affect you (restricting); You're in control of this, you don't need a treatment team they don't understand; If you follow my rules, everything will be okay; There's nothing wrong with what you're doing right now, you have plenty of weight on you, you're not going to be medically unstable; Nobody could possibly love you, you are a pathetic excuse for a human being and your eating disorder is the only thing you are good at.
He also tells me things like how much weight i'm going to gain by eating "too much," or that I'm stronger than others if I can restrict for a certain amount of time, and that restricting makes me feel better.