National Eating Disorders Association

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didn't want to come here but

knew I had to, to survive, yes not in the literal sense but I was so tired. Sleep not great. Can you believe the birds wake me up at 4am. Even if I get back to sleep, not restorative. Danger, strong gut ache. I'm sleepy but my food devil isn't. Perfect time for lying to me that food will help. Never had any other addiction because I pay a heavy price for this one. The teeth in my mouth, my heartburn, indigestion and much more. Socially, psychologically and the funniest thing is most people think I don't have this problem or struggle or that I have to work as hard as I do to manage it. It's like people manage diabetes, high blood pressure etc.. All the fine therapy, one on one or group. Courses and classes, retreats and *hospitals, when I could not stop eating. Like I wanted some sort of food drip. Just lock me up and away from this powerful addiction. I know I sound hopeless but amazingly I'm not. I never chose this, but have it so what else can I do but Keep reaching for help wherever, whenever I can and enjoying life in every other way possible.

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