National Eating Disorders Association

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mcrome
I feel invalid

I keep fluctuating in terms of how much I want to recover and how much I want to restrict; it makes me invalid because I keep saying to myself, "If you REALLY had an eating disorder, you would want to restrict all of the time!" I also try to convince myself that I "can't be anorexic" because I'm not currently underweight, even though I've lost significant amounts of weight by restricting. Has anyone else had similar experiences?

whatsthepointin...
I have exactly the same experience

I feel like a fake because of the same reason, ‘If you really did have an ED, you wouldn’t be eating all’ The thoughts just play around in my head all day, every day. I want to cut myself again, and again, and again until I stop thinking about it. I’m restricting myself completely at the moment so the though of food makes me gag. I just feel fake and I want to end it all...

Don’t worry, you’re not alone with any of this. There’s always people to talk to.

_admin_moderator
Dear whatsthepointin...,We

Dear whatsthepointin...,We are concered about your safety and would like to pass some numbers to contact. This number is really important to have: (800)273-TALK(8255).  If you don't feel comfortable talking, please text "NEDA" to 741741 or visit one of these websites:http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ - or click to chat http://www.dialhelp.org/?page_id=7759 or text 906-356-3337http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or text 741-741https://www.imalive.org/ or call 800-784-2433 Please be safe!

iwanttolive
mcrome

Hi. I just want to ay that I hear you. But having incisiveness over recovery, wanting to recover and then fearing it is normal. Eating disorders serve a purpose most of the time. For me, I was so afraid of people, of being hurt, of just living a regular life, I thought it was easier to just live sick, in hospitals and programs and avoid life. Well, I eventually had to face life, face my fears. So for you, figuring out what purpose the eating disorder is serving is essential to overcoming it and this us usually done with the help of a therapist. So many people suffering with an eating disorder discount the validity based on a number. Unfortunately insurance companies use numbers but there is something called eating disorder otherwise unspecified. I think. It means that you may have anorexia, based on your fears of food, thought patterns and behaviors but since you started losing weight at a higher weight your weight loss doesn't put you in the underweight category. You may face all the other symptoms that comes along with anorexia. Atypical anorexia I think is another way to identify it. But ultimately a term will never identify your exact experience, pain, struggles, fears, whatever you may be feeling. So try not to get hung up on that so much. See if you can get help for the underlying cause of the eating disordered behaviors and know you are not the eating disorder. You are separate from it and it does not define you. You are so much more than any diagnosis. See if you can get help for the pain it is causing you. Take care,

iwanttolive and I am