National Eating Disorders Association

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RedheadGl
BDD

So I BDD dropped dangerously low in weight, several sizes in 7 months and in kids know. I have BDD, depression, health issues that I have to watch my diet and I need to get back on and I just figured out that this is too related to stress, major stress. My father passes I losses alot of weight,bad break ups loss weight, childhood loss weight,bf goes off to rehab I feel like ive been abandoned and lose weight!! See lose major weight,plus I have chronic pain everyday. First I blamed him for looking at other girls and the type of girls he was following and that triggered me and I was thinking oh my gosh is what what he wants & or actresses he picks out are thin and thinking is that what he wants!! Then I wanting to get into modeling well that didn't help. Im almost 40 years old plus my health diet is strict, plus stress Stess Stress and thinking Im never gonna good enough for him or my brain telling me Im not skinny enough or telling all kinds of thinks!! Are you kidding me!! Jeez!! No!! I compare myself too.. I miss my old body!! Darn it!! I cry and I cry and Im in meds for depression, the treatments Im going through for my health arent working and Im upset and Im wanna just quit so bad! Just throw up my hands and say Enough Already give me a break!!

_admin_moderator
Hello RedheadGI and welcome

Hello RedheadGI and welcome to the forums! We're glad you found us. This is to inform you that your post has been edited slightly to remove the mention of specific behaviors and numbers that may be triggering to other users. You can find our full community guidelines here:  https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines It sounds like you are going through a difficult time and that you have been through so much. This number is important to have- (800)-273-8255 or text "NEDA" to 741741 immediately for support. 

s.boewer
Sorry

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now and I really relate to much of what you wrote. I was constantly jealous and thinking my boyfriend was looking at thinner women, or was going to leave me because I was not good enough in any way. It drove him crazy and made my life an anxious, stressed-out and miserable existence for several years. I finally got serious in therapy and addressed my underlying abandonment fears, depression, anxiety, and old trauma issues. I let go of all thoughts that told me my problems had something to do with weight or food, committed to a 3 meal a day plan no matter what I felt, and started to heal. The process wasn't perfect, easy, or quick for me but I had to deal with the real issues for once to have any hope of changing. There is no perfect diet or weight that will fix your problems and allow you to be secure in your relationship, unfortunately. It takes processing core beliefs and issues to ease the drive to control your world through these unhealthy behaviors. For me it started with having only positive self-talk, ending all of the negative self-talk I lived in 24 hours a day, always reminding myself how I wasn't thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, young enough, or lovable. It had to be the first thing to go, which was so challenging and odd, and felt phony because I didn't really believe the positive things I told myself. But it got easier and I started to believe the things I told myself that were compliments. Now I absolutely believe I am lovable, and that I have many qualities that make me special, and I am good enough for my boyfriend. My size doesn't figure into any of that either, as I am okay with who I am know matter what I look like or weigh. I hope you have a therapist and that you will decide to look at the real causes of your self-doubt and ED. Constantly comparing yourself to others and believing you are not good enough is a painful way to live, and destructive to relationships. You sound like you are hurting, and I wish I could say something to end your pain. I do understand completely, if that helps at all, and I can tell you that recovery is a possibility if that helps. Please be gentle with yourself and recognize your many valuable qualities, because you are worthy and special. Take care and post again if you need to:)

chunkymonkey68
I hope you get the help you need.

It sounds like you are really trapped in the undertow of anorexia nervosa. I hope you find a good therapist to relate within a conversation, and not just for taking meds. I know it always helped me in recovery to keep the conversations flowing and alive.

My Dr was strict so if he saw anything worth being hospitalized over he would have given me a chance to voluntarily enter treatment. Luckily I was always on the Chunky/Rosey side of things so he never saw how difficult it was for me just to maintain my weight after losing dress sizes w/ a gym and dietician...

After I stopped seeing my shrink Dr. I did regain some and did feel sad and a bit out of control. I had to remind myself that 3 relatives had just passed away and I was doing a lot of stress eating after leaving my old shrink who I had been seeing for a few yrs.

We had a bond so finding another new shrink just wasn't the same after. My new shrink seems more like a med nurse. We don't talk about my life much and time is limited for sessions too.

I hope you are being taken seriously by whichever Dr is providing the meds for you to take. Otherwise, you perhaps find a new 1 or request your insurance to provide a referral to someone else.

Good luck, and take care of yourself.