National Eating Disorders Association

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chunkymonkey68
Almost Fainted @ work today.....

I am wearing loose shoes until I get a grip on my water retention. So today at work i was in a dept that had no air circulation. I was just back from my lunch. I had eaten a healthy snack for my meal and something else. When I came back from lunch I p/u a heavy item.

Suddenly I was at the register awaiting my turn at the register. I suddenly felt short of breath and shallow in breathing. I was dizzy so gripped onto the register counter as I waited quietly hoping no one had a clue what was physically going on w/ my body and mind.

Finally, it was my turn at the register. I took a breath and the dizziness subsided finally. My weight is back w/in the range of acceptability for me. now i must find a balance for both acceptable weights as well as ability to continue to feel stable enough to stand up at work.

This happened to me once during a very important swim time trial meet too. Is it like a form of self-sabotage or something I suppose? Oh well, so i pass out and my entire life passes me by for any potential college swim scholarships which i could have gotten at that championship meet. So what, right. I didn't really want to swim competitively to put myself through 4 yrs of college Anyhowe...., ughhh!!

We stand the entire 8 hr shift except for breaks so this is very important. the weather has been extra hot so that also makes it worse on my super sensitive body. I cannot be carted off in a gurney.

I swear I would rather pass out than feel embarrassed. I just need to feel in control of my body and am overcompensating at a fast and furious rate and the heat is just a negative factor interfering w/ my efforts currently...

I wrote my shrink " The 1 in Beverly Hills", and informed him of my current elevated levels of anxiety. Someone at his office responded by giving me an early morning appt. I need to re-schedule this as in the summer if not actually working I don't travel until after 11 AM-ish...

I Have so many things to do on my 1 day off this week. God becoming a "workaholic" sure is a change for my nerves. Still no period. Don't think that really matters except that its a sign I'm under a lot of pressure from the sudden life changes over the last few months too, i suppose??? Oh well, i don't really care at this point...

Pray that shrink doesn't toss me into rehab, cant currently afford it and motivation is currently quite apathetic to heal thyself...

xoxoxo: Chunky Monkey 68: 000