National Eating Disorders Association

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Why do I do this

I believe or at least i am coming to the conclusion that I have a disordered eating issue. The reasons I'm not classing this as an ED is that I don't think i have the common types associated with ED's such as Bulimia or anorexia. My struggle is with having a 100% healthy diet which over the past few years has really restricted my life and i i am underweight but reamin healthy and very active. I am fixated on calorie and nutrition until recently where i keep slipping up......I cook and bake a lot ofr others but i just seem to be failing myself by giving in and tasting some of the foods then i cant stop eating until i feel physically sick. I have never made myself sick, but one time a bout a week ago i ate so much of a particular food that i was ill in the night. I am afraid that i will never gain back my strength of not eating (my ) banned foods. I hate myself for being so weak why do i do this to myself......

The why is probably complicated

palcol: I'm glad you came to these forums. They can be of great help. The thing about eating disorders is that they come in many disguises, not all of them easily classified. From what you describe, you have behaviors and feelings that fit any number of "categories." I really recommend calling the NEDA helpline at 800.931.2237. It is staffed with trained volunteers who can guide you toward the help you need. You can also search for a therapist here: I highly recommend therapy. Also, you might find this pamphlet on eating disorders very helpful:
Good luck and keep writing on this forum to let us know how you are doing.


Hey palcol!
Eating disorders come in all types of varieties! I have been recovered for almost 7 years from anorexia, and a lot of the things that you described are things that I could identify with or understand. I would definitely try making some of the recommendations by Choose Recovery as your first step. Good Luck!


Hi Palcol-

Welcome to the forums! We are glad you reached out here on the forums. The first step is always acknowledging that we are struggling & need support. Firstly, know that ED is not limited to bulimia and anorexia. Though society focuses on these disorders, there are various other classifications of ED. I am not a medical professional and cannot diagnose, but much of what you described resonated with me, as I am in recovery from orthorexia nervosa, the fixation on healthy eating to the point it becomes obsessive, restrictive, and unhealthy. Check out this information from NEDA to learn more about orthorexia:

Not saying that this is definitely what is going on, but I just want to validate your concerns. And let you know that even if your experience doesn't seem to fit neatly into diagnostic criteria, it does not mean that you are not suffering. Other Specified Feeding/Eating Disorders, or OSFED encompasses those who don't fit criteria for certain ED's, but still have an ED that is worthy of attention and treatment.

Have you brought up your concerns with a medical professional? That is my recommendation, as you would be able to get their feedback & where to go from here. I think many of us can relate to similar questions- "why am I doing this" and that it is our fault, but I just want you to know that this is not your fault. ED's are not a choice and you did not choose this. Try to be kind with yourself where you are at. And know that recovery is possible. Keep us posted on how you are doing <3

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