National Eating Disorders Association

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Madness,depression,anxiety and Romantic attraction


Let me simply state that I created my account as a biromantic/demisexual to ask multiple extremely long questions and would not have signed up to these forums unless completely necessary.

I personally have never been sexually aroused by anyone and for quite some time I found it quite hard to speak to others for prolonged periods dues to a very unfortunate case of social phobia, it led to a large of self loathing and horrible thoughts due to my alienation of most(Along with a numbness caused by depression).....Yea I felt alone for quite some time and I was unsure as to whether I loved or hated being alone back then and despite others attempts at romantic and sexual advances I never felt good enough for them.

So make a long story short I attempted suicide three times and to relieve my anxiety I began to self mutilation until I was admitted to mental hospital but it wasn't as horrible as I originally thought.They helped me overcome my social phobia (to an extent) and then I met someone there that completely changed my outlook on life.

She was in there over an eating disorder and to be honest you could see the effect that it had on her, She had an overly gaunt complexion but within the hospital I really grew fond of her company as she comforted me in a time of need and I did likewise with her to help her endure that hell of a system, I even eventually developed feelings for this girl.....and to be honest beauty doesn't arouse me but I most certainly can see it and it emanates from her personality and physical attributes.

Anyway I am not writing this only to give you a background on me but we kept in contact outside of the hospital and kept on seeing each other as friends but I recently found out that she also suffered from low self esteem, anxiety and depression and I have a few questions in regards to what she has told me of her sexuality

She has had a crush on people before but has not felt any love or passion for anyone in years.....Including me and also has never been aroused by male/female appearance in any way so is she an asexual (or sub category of one)?

I will be there for her and do anything for her as a friend whether I can have relationship or not but should I make romantic advances especially with the fear I have of alienating her ?

She stopped having feelings for others after she developed bulimia/anorexia/depression in her teens so could this be a hormone imbalance from not eating or a symptom of depression....???

And lastly I know that this isn't the place to discuss aiding with mental illness unrelated to ED's but I really wan't to help her in some way and unfortunately her psychologists are doing little to nothing for her so what can I do for her ?....As I hate to think of a creature as brilliant as her in the same pain as I was a few months ago along with doing the damage she is to herself...and I really care for her....Whether she want's to be with me or not I really want to help her through this


I'm glad that you are able to have feelings for this woman, even though you've never had them before. That must be very exciting and wonderful for you. My question is before you even think of having a relationship with her, do you think she is ready for it? It seems like both of you have had some extremely traumatic times, and you may need healing. This could be together, but try, for your sakes, to make sure its a healthy relationship. Who knows, maybe you can help to heal eachother.

As for the attraction aspect of your question, I think this may be a question to take to a medical professional/therapist or perhaps have a heart to heart with this girl and see if she can figure out why she is not attracted (there could multiple reasons why: fear, chemical/hormonal imbalances, just not interested, etc). Good luck

Thank you both for the

Thank you both for the responses, I don't intend on proposing anything other than a platonic relationship until we have both recovered and I have been/am currently trying to support her to the best of my ability with her struggle and I even feel better emotionally as a result of this....

Anyway in regards to her emotional/sexual attraction I cannot really bring it up with my/her therapist as they don't adhere to us seeing each other outside the hospital let alone having a friendship and she doesn't really wish to discuss her romantic/sexual attraction anymore but I may bring it up with her ex-girlfriend to see what she has to say

Hi there,

Hi there,

Thanks for posting on here, and welcome to the forums. None of us are professionals, and in addition, I don't know you personally, so it's really difficult to answer some of your questions - but I can understand why they are so important! Regardless of whether this connection you share is a friendship or turns into something more, I can tell it means a lot to you. Have you thought about having an open conversation about this with her? Again, it's hard to advise on something like this, but it might be something to consider doing.

I can tell you really care a lot about her. I think the most helpful thing anyone can do for someone with an ED/mental illness is to simply listen and give nonjudgmental support. Let her know you're there for her.

Finally, I hope you are also getting the support that you need. It is important to practice self-care, too. Please feel welcome to continue posting on the Forums - we are here to listen!