So I lost my job due to COVID and came home to wait it out. Cut to six months later and I'm still home. I put on some weight and got back into my exercise routine that helps keep me balanced so I was able to drop the weight. Just now (it's about midnight) I microwaved some leftovers from earlier to eat. My mom stopped me and said I shouldn't be eating this late. Which sure, it's probably not the best for my digestion or my sleep but I was hungry and wanted to eat. So instead of following my impulse to throw the food away, I ate it because I wanted to. I then went back and asked her not to comment on when or what I eat. She said it's her job as my mother to educate me. We went back and forth for a bit. I said I was an adult and can make a decision on when to eat on my own. she said I need to learn when to eat and that she's my mother and has the right to say something. I know she means well but my ED kicks in and I feel worthless. I feel like I have failed because I ate late. And I feel like purging. I won't but there's a feeling in the pit of my stomach making me want to. I even thought about trying somethings else. Anyone else having to now live at home with things or people that trigger them?
Hi scottgirl20,
I am sorry to hear things are rough right now, and that you have been feeling triggered. I have had some similar experiences begin home with COVID and trying to avoid the topic of weight and food with family. Its hard not to let it get to you even when someone means well. Just remember that you have every right to let your family know that certain things can be upsetting, and you would prefer that they avoid these topics, if that is something you feel comfortable doing. No matter what, everyone on the forums is here for you! And you can always use the help line when you need. Sending love and hugs.
Hi, I’m sorry about your job and that your mom crossed your boundaries like that. Like jess64 said, you have every right to tell her not to comment on what/when you eat and as someone recovering from ED, that’s so important. But again, I’m sorry your mom hasn’t been respectful of that. I also wanted to congratulate you for eating the food because you were hungry even when your ED thoughts AND your mom told you not to. That is a huge step and you should be proud of yourself, because I know how hard that is. I hope things get better with your mom and recovery, you deserve it. Also, if you don’t already, I’d recommend seeking professional support in the form of a therapist, dietician, etc. if that’s an option for you. Hope you’re well!
triggers me. It's a constant battle between my sensible conscious mind and my subconscious mind (which behaves like a 9 or 10,yr old) and cares nothing about my painful history or consequences of my (grazing) style binge eating. Out of my home I'm in charge. Even with my life partner here makes no difference.. CC
My dad triggers me all the time thankfully I don't live with him but u see him a lot and obviously we talk when not in person, he comments on my weight and food intake all the time and it makes me feel like poop
Scottgirls20, wow. I feel like I'm right there with you! Family can be the hardest to deal with sometimes... I just want to affirm you and state that you are NOT worthless and you're brave even just for sharing this with us! You are not a failure because you ate late or because you haven't found a job yet. We are in some pretty unpside-down times and a good chunk of a generation of kids are home during a time of their lives when they actually need to be OUT of the home and independent in many things. Be careful not to let someone else's opinion about your decision to healthfully feed yourself cause you to feel like you made a wrong decision! Continue to stay strong and resist those urges to engage in certain behaviors that disrupt our body's natural state–I believe in you! There are absolutely boundaries that you can place around certain topic matters and home-situations that you and your family run in to. You have agency and authority! It has been difficult for me too. I eat secretly and have kept it a secret for quite some time now... tough interactions with my family or my girlfriend (I am a guy!) cause me to turn to the wrong things to help me feel comforted. The people closest to us tend to have a pretty powerful affect on our lives. What helps me stay on the offense against my non-normal eating behaviors is reminding myself how much BETTER of person I am to others and to myself when I choose to set aside these behaviors. I feel like I'm able to care for my family better when I am not turning to food to fill fill/numb me. I feel like I have more capacity for love when I think about how I can best serve those around me before I turn to satisfy an unhealthy desire. What do you remind yourself of when you feel urges coming on? You got this!