National Eating Disorders Association

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whitershade
Have some hot beverage!

It will help with your hunger pangs:-) and try to rest!

brookespre
Day 15

Wow, it's hard to believe I have actually made it 15 days without purging, and I feel better than ever! Yesterday I entered one of the last races for the year, and I actually enjoyed myself because I accepted the changes in my body. I am finally back to exercising for fun again, which feels nice and takes a lot of unneeded pressure off of me. After that I went to a Christmas party with the boyfriend, and was actually able to eat normally. I even ate dessert and didn't feel bad or have the urge to b/p! After we got home from that long day it was already dark but I decided to exercise outside. I ended up not being able to see a hole in the road and completely rolled my ankle. I honestly thought I broke it for a second, but I think it's just strained.

Today I am going to start studying for finals and get groceries and try out some new recipes. I found a really good on. It's so fun and freeing to be able to cook good food for yourself and actually eat it without guilt or having the urge to b/p. These past 15 days I have felt better than I have in years. Thank you both so much for your continued support.

How are you girls today?

brookespre
Day 15 (cont.)

Ok so I need to come on here and type this before I decide to do anything rash. I was insanely hungry this morning, and I have eaten a lot since I have been up. The thing is, it wasn't a binge feeling, like I didn't have that uncontrollable "Omg more food more food I can't stop" feeling. I just consciously allowed myself to eat as much as it took to make me finally feel full. I didn't over stuff and I don't feel uncomfortably full, but it just seemed like a lot of food for a 5'4" girl already in the day. And I know I will probably not be hungry for a while, but I feel the urge to purge it out because it just feels like I shouldn't be eating that much. I felt like I did a good job listening to my body, but it just scares me to have eaten that much.

Melissaah
Brookespre, you can get

Brookespre, you can get through this without purging. I've always been told to do something to distract myself until the urge passes. Go read, do some dishes, call a friend. You've already made a big step and came on here and posted instead of purging. You got through 15 days (sorry if I'm wrong on the number). You can do this!

whitershade
Go out!

Take a walk! Something similar happened to me today, hormones I guess, and I've just come back from a long walk. It helped me and made all the bad feelings go away. Hug!!!

Melissaah
day 1

Well still no sleep for me. Probably won't till tonight either. But I've had a couple cups of coffee and I actually don't feel so bad. I'm thinking about having breakfast an hour earlier than we planned. I'm usually just getting up for the day. But I've been up since 1:30 with my son. And I'm still hungry so I'm going to eat what we planned for breakfast and hopefully I will stop there until it's time to eat again.
I'm hoping you are doing better brookespre.

brookespre
Well I got through that

Well I got through that setback without purging so yay! I ended up going grocery shopping and cooking meals for the week. I even tried out a new recipe that I am sooo excited to try later when I'm hungry. Just as I figured, it is lunch time and I am not even a little bit hungry. Not sure why I was so starved this morning, might have been because I was physicaly active so late last night. Funny how our bodies really even themselves out when it comes to food. Now I'm about to get a haircut and shop for dresses to wear to job interviews. I am really starting to loe how my new shape fills out clothes more instead of just having fabric hang on me with no shape.

Melissaah, you seem so calm and collected given your stressful situation, which is awesome. I hope everything keeps going well for you!

whitershade thanks for the support. Going for a walk and getting out always helps!

whitershade
Day 25

One-quarter of my challenge is done! Last night I've got my period, the scale is doing her job to bother me, but I'm trying to ignore her as much as I can :-)
We all survived Sunday, which in my opinion is the hardest day of the week. Today I've so many things to do that I'm surely not going to think about food this much.
I hope you girls are ok and have a nice day:-)
Hugs***

Melissaah
day 1

I'm starting again. I've already had my breakfast and I feel fine. No urges to binge. I'm supposed to go into town today so I'm thinking if I pack my snacks and lunch I can keep on track instead of not eating all day because I'm not at home. I'm going to give it a try. I really do want to get this binging and purging thing under control. It just is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. How are you girls?

brookespre
Day 16

Well it is Day 16, and the self-confidence that was so high is starting to fade today and yesterday. I feel gross and generally icky. It is so hard getting used to being a healthy weight. I feel sad and ugly . I know that we all have to have some bad days in order to appreciate the good, but today is especially bad. I think ED was a huge distraction to my depression and hatred for myself, and now I must deal with it head-on. Hoping today gets better. I just want to feel pretty for once in my life.

Keep fighting you guys!

Melissaah
I'm sorry brookespre. I

I'm sorry brookespre. I unfortunately feel that way every day. My therapist said I don't see myself as others do. I beat myself up ALL the time just for being at this weight. I'm hoping one day we will be able to love ourselves instead of hating.

brookespre
You should be so proud of

You should be so proud of yourself though. Even though you have this huge internal struggle, you still manage to be a great mother and carry on with a good attitude. We never see the good in ourselves but we can always see it in others, and sometimes we need to be reminded that we are doing our best and we ARE good enough.

Melissaah
Thanks brookespre. That made

Thanks brookespre. That made me feel really good. Not a lot of people tell me kind things like that. I appreciate it. Hope your day is going well.

Melissaah
day one

I binged a couple times today.which I completely hate myself for it, but.... I didn't purge. I'm not really planning to eat anything else because of the binge. I honestly want to purge just to get the full feeling to go away. But I seriously hate purging. I usually do it because I'm uncomfortable with how I feel. I have urges to purge but I'm going to try to just let it pass. Then I will have one day. My goal tomorrow is to not binge OR purge. How are you ladies doing?

whitershade
Great job!

Very good Melissa! Sorry if I didn't update today, now it's super late here so I'm going to bed, but I'll write in few hours tomorrow morning. Anyway, day 26-27 here:-))) (it's half past midnight)

Melissaah
day one tomorrow

I got passed a binge without purging twice today. But for some stupid reason I binged again and ended up purging this time. Hopefully because I don't have binge food in the house I will be able to stick to the meal plan my therapist and I made. Crossing my fingers I can do this.

Cosmia
You've got this!

I'm rooting for you, Melissaah! Once you get out of the first-day slump, the b/p habit will start to break and you'll be on day 100 before you know it :)

whitershade
Day 27

Hello girls, hope your days are going well. I'm kind of balanced lately. I'm no more enthusiast as the first days, but I'm not anxious either. So, I guess I'm just ok:-)
Today is my 27th, I don't want to purge at all, even though I guess that with time I should confront other unhealthy behaviours I still keep alive.
I'm spending time working a lot and trying to enjoy the Xmas magic in the air. I'm going out for a run in the cold weather now (love it), and I'm going to make lunch. We had an afternoon full of yummies and Christmas movies yesterday, so today I'm gonna try to keep it cleaner in terms of eating choices.
I really hope that things go well for you too!
Hugs,
c*

brookespre
Day 17

Hey girls. Day 17 here and, like whitershade, the enthusiasm of it is wearing off, and I just feel pretty "normal" now. I say "normal" in quotes because that is only with the purging aspect of my behaviors. I have no desire to purge anymore, but I do have other bad habits that I should probably deal with, like the compulsive exercising. It's not as bad as it was before I started this challenge, but I am aware that it is a problem that I plan every day around when I can get a workout in. Even today, I have the biggest most important job interview of my life so far, and I have clothes for the gym packed so that as soon as I am done I can go to the gym. No matter how important anything might be, exercising is my #1 priority, and my body is starting to show signs of fatigue. My feet are sore, my knees and joints are achy, but I feel like I am weak if I stop. One thing at a time I guess!

How are you ladies doing today?

Melissaah
day 1

Morning just started for me. I know I keep saying it. And it doesn't happen, though I really am trying. I'm hopefully not going to binge and purge today. Hope you girls have a good day.
Cosmia thanks for the support. I know I will get it one day because I'm not giving up.

Melissaah
day 1

Hey girls, I'm getting nervous because I have to go to the doctor. My right hand keeps swelling up. Anyway they are going to weigh me. I don't like other people seeing my weight because I think I'm fat. I was going to restrict my snack for the day because I'm not really that hungry. But my therapist said I'm just setting myself up to binge. So I had my snack. So far today I've been able to stick to my meal plan. And I don't have any urges to binge right now.

whitershade
Good luck for your hand!

Keep us updated, and don't worry about your weight, it doesn't signify anything about you:-) it's just a stupid number!

brookespre
Day 18

Well today is going well so far. I had my last final of the semester this morning, and a huge job interview that went well yesterday. I have been getting episodes of really intense appetite and hunger lately, and it's really annoying. This has happened to me many times before, and I know it is a result of my compulsive exercising. That is going to be the next challenge I tackle. I might even start working on that now, because my body is really starting to fight back lately. I know we can't really get into specific behaviors on here, so I will just say that I feel a constant need to exercise. I started taking a multi-vitamin, but I know the only thing that will help is to stop the obsessive exercise and just exercise to enjoy it.

I'm tired today, kind of sad just thinking about stuff. Not entirely sure I am happy in my relationship of 2 and a half years, so I am feeling really unsettled and anxious.

I hope you both are having a good day!

Melissaah
day 2

I'm finally on day two. I binged yesterday but I didn't purge. I've sort of binged today and I'm struggling with whether I should purge or not. My weight just keeps going up and up and up. And I can't stand it. I really feel like I want to purge right now. I don't know if I can get through this. The ED is very strong right now. I don't think I'll make it

brookespre
Just sit down and distract

Just sit down and distract yourself! I know that is way easier said than done, but just try to let that feeling of anger and frustration and guilt you are feeling right now wash over you. I promise that feeling will go away after a few minutes. You just have to get through the hardest part and not give in. You can do this!!

Melissaah
didn't purge

I made it through without purging. I really need to work on the not binging too. If I can do that I'll feel so much better about myself. Thanks for the support brookespre. Hope you girls are having a good day. I'm really hoping I make it to day three.

brookespre
Just take it one step at a

Just take it one step at a time. You did so good not purging!! The not binging part will come, just give it time. You should be soooo proud right now!

brookespre
Day 0

Well ladies, I am about to be totally honest with you. I purged. Not sure why I did it. I didn't binge, and I ate mindfully, but I still felt bad and purged. I think it is just from being so tired and my body being worn out, plus the added stress of life lately. The only good side to this is that it has motivated me even more to get rid of this damn disorder, because I HATE this feeling. My body is worn out and sore from obsessive exercise, which throws my appetite and cravings out of whack, so then I eat and feel bad and purge and feel absolutely disgusting. I am SO sick of this cycle. F*ck ED. This is no way to live. I want to be happy and just LET GO. I am so proud of myself for making it this far, even though I had a little slip-up today. I have made more progress in my recovery these past few weeks than I have in years in professional treatment. I really want to be rid of this awful disorder, and I need to get rid of these damaging habits, especially the obsessive exercise, which usually is responsible for my purging.

I won't let this purge ruin the rest of my day. I will eat when I am hungry tonight at dinner and continue as if nothing has happened. This morning I looked at myself in the mirror and marveled at how thick and healthy my hair has gotten and how my face has a lively glow instead of the grayish tint it used to. Now after I purged all I see is what I do not want to go back to. I will not ruin the progress that I have made. I hate ED, and this just made me even more determined to quit these stupid behaviors and just enjoy life at whatever shape my body naturally wants to be.

I guess I needed this bad day to show me just how awesome it is not to give in to those behaviors. Take these slip-ups and learn from them! That's all we can do.

Melissaah
Brookespre, I'm sorry you had

Brookespre, I'm sorry you had a slip but I'm glad you aren't letting it get you down. You will get those days back and many more. I know you can do it. You're strong to get as far as you did. You two girls getting all those days has helped me want to get better even more. So thank you for that. I hope the rest of your day goes well.

Melissaah
I guess I'm back to day 0. I

I guess I'm back to day 0. I couldn't stand the feeling of being too full any longer. What's sad is it was too late for it to really do anything other than get the fullness feeling to go away.

julesthefox
Props to you for resisting it

Props to you for resisting it as long as you did! I'm sorry it didn't end up working out. Maybe next time you can use a distraction like coloring, sewing, listening to music, going for a walk, or even calling up a friend until the urge passes. You are so brave and strong for fighting it. I bet you'll triumph next time for sure!

brookespre
Day 18

You know what, I am calling this Day 18 again. Sorry if this seems like cheating, but I really felt discouraged typing "Day 1" again after I had worked so hard to get that number up and only had a little slip up. I am not back to square 1, because I am in so much of a better mindset and attitude than I was the first time I started on Day 1, so I just subtracted yesterday from my total amount on non-purge days so far.

Usually, like whitershade posted at the very beginning of this thread, after I had a bad day and purged like yesterday, it would take me a few days of relapsing to get back on track. Well, yesterday was a lot different. I had that little purge in the afternoon, but I didn't let it effect the rest of my day, and I actually ate dinner and ate normally the rest of the day and this morning. I don't feel that "off the rails" relapsing feeling that I used to get when I would have a bad day and give into ED behaviors. I just feel a little disappointed in myself for yesterday, but so much more determined to continue to make progress. I feel calm and happy and in control of myself. That disgusting feeling that I feel after I purge is something I never want to feel again. I just felt dirty and like I needed a shower.

Today I feel empowered. I ate a nice breakfast, and am going to work all day since classes are now over. Yesterday was a huge learning experience of how awful life is with ED, and I never ever want to return to that life.

How are you girls doing today?

whitershade
We posted at the same time:-)

Great! I'm so happy to hear that you feel good! Go on with that and thank you for the post (I read that blog too ;))

whitershade
Day 29

Girls, I'm so sorry for my absence of these last two days...my work life becomes very hectic the nearer we are to Christmas, so I was totally caught in my life. Anyway, don't let you down.
Brookespree, you did an amazing job with your 18 days. What I do know is that these days after the slip up are crucial. Do not let the bad feelings bring you down. Really, I know how you feel, I've been there...
Be kind to yourself, be proud of what you've done, and stand up.
Melissa, you did two days, that's good! Just try to repeat it one day at a time:-) take what you need from this slip-up and leave the bad feelings behind.
I had some bad feelings too these days, I'm scared to lose control, even if I know that I need to lose control in order to recover...anyway, I'm almost at one month, tomorrow is the day:-) I don't know if I'm going to celebrate anyway, but I feel good and blessed about it.
Stay strong girls! We can do it!

Melissaah
day 0

I'm still on day 0. The first half of the day went well. I've just learned that I can't go to the grocery store for a while. Unless it's very important that I do. Because every time I go to the store I end buying binge food and then regretting it later. I put the binge food I bought in a bag and I'm giving it to my husband when he gets home so he can get rid of it. Hopefully I can follow this plan and start getting somewhere.

whitershade
Day 30

Really, it doesn't seem a big deal once you arrive here...
anyway, I should be proud and accomplished, but I don't. I feel the accomplishment at all...anyway, today is just another day without purging, it will be, and I do this because life is hard and we don't need it to be any harder. That's why.
I hope you girls feel good, I hope I could give you more nice words but I feel a little grumpy today and I don't know actually why...
sorry
many hugs***

Melissaah
day 1

I'm back on day one. I was about to binge so I decided to stop where I was ate and didn't purge. My therapist said that was good but I needed to eat something that's not binge food or I was going to get hungry again. So I ate something that was small and nutritious. I think I might make it today not only without purging but without binging too. I just have to go minute at a time and I will make it through. Hope you girls are doing well.

Melissaah
day 1

I'm sure you girls are sick of seeing this. But I'm not giving up yet. I really want this, it's just a lot harder than I thought it would be.
How are you girls doing?

whitershade
Day 31

Melissa, we will be never sick of your hard work:-)keep it up!
I'm anxious for tomorrow because we are gonna have another big party at my place...a lot of food.
anyway, I don't wanna purge, my anxiety is due to the huge fear of weight gaining and to the strong desire of weight loss that has never left me since always.
I should do better, but I want to consider this purge free days like my jumpstart to this path of balanced and recovered life. I don't feel I'm free, I don't feel recovered, but I do feel the strength of the hope.
Love you girls, hope you had a good day!

whitershade
Day 32

Girls, how are you doing? Today I hate my body, I weigh a bit more than yesterday and there is a dinner party at my place tonight so...food.
Anyway, I don't mean to break my challenge for this, I'll try to keep myself the busiest possible and to enjoy the party.
How are you?

brookespre
Day 20

whitershade, I am in the same boat as you today. I just feel icky and gross and uncomfortable in my own skin. I am having a really hard time with compulsive exercising lately and it is totally throwing my appetite out of whack and making me at like crazy. I am trying to get the courage to cut back a little on my exercise routine, because I know my appetite will even out as a result.

That weight was probably due to water and other random factors. Such a small increase is just your body's natural fluctuation, although I know it can be really discouraging. Just do what you already plan to do and keep busy, and remember that there is SO much more to us than our weight. You have friends and a boyfriend that love you for you, and not how you look.

Have a great day everyone!

Melissaah
day 1

Hey girls I would be on day two but I halfway purged if that makes sense. Pretty much I stopped myself. In the middle of a purge. Anyway we have a lot of snow on the ground and I have to drive to town for therapy. Which is 35-40 minutes away on a good day. I know I can do it I just get nervous having to drive with my son in the car. I just hope the nervousness doesn't cause me to binge and purge. Hope you girls have a good day

Mady1012
One day at a time

Congrats girls for continuously working toward recovery and supporting one another. Recovery is going to face you with many challenges but don't give up! Talk to your support and keep taking one day at a time, I know you girls can do this! Good luck and have a wonderful day! :)
Mady

Melissaah
day 2

Finally on day two. I did pretty good yesterday now that I look back. Yesterday I thought I was doing horrible. But that was really ED telling me I was doing horrible. Anyway I hope today goes just as well. How are you girls doing?

brookespre
Day 22

I am really making an effort to cut down on the compulsive exercise, and have made some good progress. My appetite is even starting to even out, yay! I am feeling really guilty right now because I didn't go on my morning run due to my knee hurting and not wanting to continue to overwork myself. I am debating whether or not I should run at the gym tonight. I know it would be the best thing to just walk tonight instead, but that mental guilt is almost too much to handle. Anyways, no urges to binge or purge lately! I have been having a very different mindset lately. I am just ready to let go of ED and be normal again. I am so sick of being sore and exhausted all the time.

Anyways, how are you girls doing???

whitershade
day 34

Melissa, great job! Stay there and don't let this strenght go. Brookespree, I'm glad to hear that you are doing so well, also about compulsive excersise. There is so much work to do in struggling with this disease, but we just need to stay focused. I'm having a bad afternoon due to christmas cooking malfunction (they are coming out of the oven really ugly:-(() but I'm ok, I'm learning to better cope with life's difficulties since I'm purge free.
:-))

Melissaah
day 0 :(

Hey girls, unfortunately I am back to 0 days. I didn't even binge and the food I ate was healthy. I just felt like I had to. I tend to go back and forth between anorexia and bulimia. I think as far as what I ate was the anorexia side, but I'm still purging. I'm kind of feeling hopeless right now. Like I'm never going to get better. I mean come on... it's been over a month and the longest I have gone purge free is three days. I don't want to ruin your progress. You both are doing so well. I just hope I can get there some day.

julesthefox
Any progress is progress!

Any progress is progress! You should feel good that you're able to have some days without purging! Everyone recovers differently, and you should be proud of any days that are good for you! As you go through, those days will count up more and more. It takes time, but the fact that you are seeing progress and good days is definitely something to be proud of. Don't lose hope. You can do this.

Melissaah
Had a stressful night last

Had a stressful night last night. My husband got into a bad accident and totalled his car. His forehead was one big knot and he was bleeding on the top of his head from hitting the windshield so hard. And that was with his seatbelt on. I got up several times last night to wake him up just in case he had a concussion. He didn't go to the hospital because he said he was fine. I'm still worried about him but I can't make him do anything. Anyway today is day one. I unfortunately binged already but didn't purge. Hopefully I can stop where I'm at and not binge anymore and not purge. Anyhow I hope you girls are doing well. Have a good day.

brookespre
Day 23

Oh no! Sorry to hear about that Melissaah, but it's great that he is okay and didn't have a concussion. You sound like such a loving wife in addition to a good mother, and you should be proud of that. Try and just ride this binge out. Fight the need to purge. I promise it will pass and get easier with time.

So yesterday was the first day I didn't run at all in weeks or even months I think. I just walked because my knee is injured, and I survived without nearly as much anxiety as I thought I would have!! I am really making an effort to stop compulsively exercising, and it is paying off. I am less exhausted and sore today, and that's only from two days of cutting back on exercise! Today has been a little challenging, I am at work and get very antsy sitting at my desk for long periods of time. One of the suppliers brought in a former "fear food" of mine for lunch today to thank us, and I actually ate mindfully and didn't overeat, and I didn't even have the desire to purge afterwards!! That was always such a taboo food for me, but what helps is to think about every good thing that makes up a certain food that scares you. Overall today is a good day, my appetite is pretty regular, and my body-image is decent. Honestly, days like today where I feel so normal are the best. I don't care if the day is boring, I just want to feel normal like this always.

Hope you ladies are doing well!

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