National Eating Disorders Association

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100 no purge days challenge, who wants to join?

Hello, first of all let me say that I am from Italy, so I apologize for huge amount of grammar mistakes I'm going to make here. I'm 32 years old, in recovery. I'm suffering from ED since I was 21, and maybe even before, in a different and more silent way. I had very bad years, till I was 26. Anorexic and bulimic, I used to purge often. I was severely underweight, I was also hospitalized for my low sodium and potassium due to supplements misuse and severe dehydration.

Then I get better, slowly but steady. My weight became healthy again, I started reducing the binge and purge episodes. I stopped purging completely for one whole year in 2012, then life happened, a moving from an house to another, stressful stuff at work... Since then, I'm trying to reach that point of not purging again, unsuccessfully. I work, I have a life, I have a healthy weight, I'm healthy, physically, I work out and eat well, I also grow my own food and I love to cook. But ED still exists.

I've been in therapy for 11 years, I stopped at the beginning of 2015, because I thought I reached the highest point I could reach. I'm totally self-aware of my behavior. What kills me is distraction. Sometimes I just can stay focused on recovery. Usually I spend 10-15 days without purging, then something happens and I purge, once, telling me "ok, just this one time"; then the day after I feel completely failed, so it usually needs some days of relapsing to get back on track.
This is a pattern that's going on in the last 3 years.

I need to break it.
I need something that keeps me accountable.

So I've thought to start a personal challenge, 100 days without purging. I didn't write "binging and purging" because I don't really usually binge (very rarely). My purging happens after a meal different from what I've planned.
I need someone to keep me accountable, someone who counts days with me. I have a lot of friends, I live with my boyfriend, they all know about my story and my ED, but for some reason it's easier to rely on strangers for this task.
Does anyone want to join me? We will start today, I know that holiday time it's coming but there shouldn't be an excuse, how amazing would be to spend xmas without the ED?

This is my Day 1.

(any suggestions to make this more funny is totally welcome!)

I would love to do something

I would love to do something like this but honestly... I don't want to let anyone down if I fail. Today is only my second day without purging. I just hope I can keep going. I wish you luck. You have done it before you can do it again :)

Hi Whitershade,

I think this could be a great idea! Different methods work for different people, and for some people, this kind of "challenge" might provide some excellent motivation and support.

I hope that people who are interested will give this a try and see what happens. Setting recovery goals doesn't hurt, and since "challenges" are "all the rage" online right now, this might be a good way to feel motivated and add to a sense of accomplishment and success.

I hope that people who try this and end up purging won't feel too guilty. For example, Melissaah, please know that no one would judge you harshly if you ended up purging while attempting the challenge. We would all applaud you for accepting the challenge in the first place! And we would offer you support for any "slip-ups" along the way. (Also, congratulations on going two days without purging, Melissaah! That's great!)

I hope others who want to give this a try will keep the rest of us posted! I hope everyone is successful in their recovery goals. Thank you for trying to get people to connect and be involved, Whitershade! Good luck! :)

Day 2

Thank you Melissaah and kelsey207! I just think that the main thing is to stay focused, and yes, slip ups can happen along the way, but we are here in the process. Recovery is a journey, and doesn't happen overnight.
This is my second day, let's stay strong!
How are you?

I unfortunately am back to

I unfortunately am back to hopefully day one tomorrow. Congrats on day two. Keep it going


Stay strong! You got this!!!

Day 0 again

Tomorrow is my new day 1. I'll never give up, this is sure.

I'm right there with you

I'm right there with you wintershade. One day I pray we both get this

day 1

How is it going? I'm doing okay, no urges till now and it's evening here...just few hours to go!:-)

I screwed up again. I guess

I screwed up again. I guess tomorrow's a new day. I no longer have any binge food in the house, so I'm hoping that helps.

be strong!

I'm sure you can do it!

binge eating is my biggest

binge eating is my biggest downfall. if I could stop doing THAT I think my urges to purge would ease up a little bit. but how do I stop binge eating? its like my brain doesn't tell my stomach when im full or even when to stop eating. sometimes I keep eating until food is coming up my throat...its so gross....but I don't know how to control my intake amount. I just always overdo it because im so used to being bulimic. anybody else have this problem?

How are you doing

How are you doing

Day 2

Mon, 11/09/2015 - 3:07am #13
Day 2
Hi Melissa, this is the beginning of my day two, and everything is fine, I had breakfast and now I'm starting to work with my coffee with me. Everything would have been perfect if only I gained weight on the scale today, after the bad weekend and an easy Sunday (in which I didn't binge and purge but I had a normal Sunday meal with family plus various snacks with friends while watching football on tv). For me, the weight is still a problem, I'm normal now but I still tend to try to keep it at the lowest normal possible, which I hardly can since I'm also suffering from hypothyroidism and my metabolism really sucks...
anyway, as soon as I don't binge and purge I feel like I'm winning:-))
How are you doing?
Hope you have a great first day today!

Day 3

Good morning! I can't believe I survived these last two days. After a bad relapse, it's always very difficult to get back on track.
This morning that extra weight was gone, I'm exactly where I was on Friday morning, I had breakfast and now I'm having a hot drink before starting to work. Today will be a tough day of work, I can't come home for lunch so I need to be prepared and to bring something with me. But the real challenge comes tomorrow, I'll have a lunch party with a lot of very good things to eat and... I'm a little preoccupied that I can stop being focused...I need to be very careful, it'd be awesome not to purge, and I know that I can do it.
Melissa, how are you?

Wintershade, I'm back to day

Wintershade, I'm back to day one tomorrow. I didn't b/p yesterday. I was in bed with a nasty cold all day. Today I woke up feeling better and I automatically b/p the second I had time to. I'm glad you are doing well. Keep it going. I know you can :)

Day 5

Hi Melissa, this is my fifth day here. Yesterday was a nice day, but I definitely drank too much. During the night I felt sick, but I don't consider that a slip since it was totally involuntary. Today I'll keep it simple. How are you doing?

Today is day two for me.

Today is day two for me. Though I did binge yesterday but I didn't purge. So I don't know if I still can count that as a day. I figured that because I didn't purge I could.I'm going to try and eat healthier today and continue not purging.

Day 1

Today is Day 1 for me. Not even sure why I purge really. I don't binge, but I guess I just feel uncomfortable with being full. Regardless, I always feel terrible and icky after purging, so it needs to stop and today is the start :)

Brookespre I don't always

Brookespre I don't always Binge when I purge. It's kind of how you described it.... being uncomfortable. Anyway glad you are joining us.

Day 2

Don't let yesterday's bad day effect today! Take this crappy feeling you are feeling right now and make that your motivation for why you want to get rid of ED for good. The day after purging always leaves you feeling crappy and bloated and just feeling "off". The hardest thing to do is to leave yesterday in the past and do the best you can to eat normally today as if nothing happened. I almost purged this morning. I get soo hungry at breakfast, and while I didn't binge, I feel like I shouldn't eat as much as I did so I wanted to purge it. I didn't though, because I just had to remind myself that purging does nothing but derail me for the rest of the day. Literally nothing good comes from purging. You feel gross while doing it, you feel gross afterward, and it sets your whole day up for failure.

Don't be hard on yourself for having a slip-up. Your purging episodes are obviously getting less and less frequent, and going 100 days cold turkey is pretty impossible without a few mess-ups here and there first. The important thing is that you keep trying, and that's something that you should really be proud of. You started this thread and are motivating a lot of people, myself included. I know I won't go 100 days right off the bat, but I will keep trying, and so will you.

Right now, just breathe, put yesterday behind you, and be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Not sure if this works for you, but when I have had a bad day with ED, I put on a nice outfit that I feel great in, and do my makeup real nice. I do whatever I can to give myself self confidence to not give into ED for the day.

Keep checking in today, and try to eat something. Don't be afraid of yourself, because you are truly amazing. Go into today with the attitude of "today is a new day and a clean slate". You can do this!!

thank you

Oh dear, you almost made me cry :-)
Anyway, everything it's ok, I ate something at midmorning, and then I had a proper lunch. I'm also taking a day off from my workout since I was too dehydrated this morning, and I cleaned up all my place (something I normally do when I'm recovering after a bad b/p day).
Moreover, and most importantly, I made a decision: I'm going to attend my first OA meeting tonight. I guess that my need for something new, that changes my pattern, brought me to this decision. It will be a virtual meeting, by phone, because there aren't any real one in my town, but still...If there's something I've learnt from therapy is that we are allowed to gather all the tools we think we need for recovery.
Thank you again and let's keep going!

Whitershade Don't beat your

Whitershade Don't beat your self up. The biggest thing is you are trying. I am on day 3 I believe. Good luck on the rest of your day.

Well I did have 3 days but I

Well I did have 3 days but I just purged. I just felt super full and couldn't take the feeling anymore. Sorry guys. Hope all is going well with you.

Day 2

Hello guys! This is the beginning of day two for me, I've just had a gorgeous breakfast with my boyfriend, and we are eating out tonight with our friends, I am planning on compensating in other ways. I know that this is not a sane behaviour, but my priority now it's not to purge, and this is the only way I can manage my social night out. Most of my friends are gluttons, and I have a lot of difficulties in balancing my social life with my ed, but I'm committed to try, tonight I'm not going to purge, that's it.
Hope everything is ok for you two, Melissa don't give up! Let's take one day at a time. We are all here for you <3
Brookespree, how are you doing?

Day 3

Guys, this is day 3 here and I'm really proud of myself! Yesterday, I went out with my friends and we had to wait till 11 p.m. to eat! It was one of those situations in which I could have eaten more than what is healthy, but instead I was calm and relaxed,
This morning I feel great, and very confident for this day ahead:-))
how are you doing?
Hope everything is fine and you just had a good weekend!

It's just the morning of

It's just the morning of Sunday where I'm at. I'm starting on day one today. Very good job with not going over board at dinner with friends. That's a hard thing to do.

Day 4

Day 4 here, yesterday I managed a Sunday family meal and also some snacks during a work meeting (yes, sometimes I work on Sunday). I'm starting this Monday with all the best intentions, I want to arrive tonight being quiet and peaceful, moreover my weight hasn't changed during this weekend, so I'm also content for this.
I had breakfast, and I'm going to work till midday when I scheduled some exercise before lunch. Let's do this, guys! We can do it if we keep in mind why we started!

day 1

Hi wintershade, today I'm back on day one. I ate breakfast and didn't purge. Hopefully I can keep it going through the rest of the day.


I enjoy meeting new people and finding ways to help them have an uplifting experience. I am dedicated, passionate and outgoing. Hope everyone's well!

Day 5

Finally, I got it! Yesterday something happened, something that years ago my therapist told me would have been the beginning of a new moment: I kind of binged without purging, and I survived!
I had a very light breakfast, a normal lunch, and a very snacky afternoon. Nothing very complicated to handle, but simply too much and too unprogrammed to be "accepted". Anyway, I decided to skip dinner and doing a little walk. I did, but then a friend came over, so I had to sit and have dinner with her and my boyfriend. I started eating normally, as they did, and without paying attention to what I was eating (when this happens, it means that I will vomit...). However, after dinner we started a long conversation, and the night went on...
Eventually, I fell asleep on the couch after she left, and I woke up in the middle of the night when it was simply too late to vomit.
This morning I feel awesome, it's the beginning of day 5 and I'm just starting my job for the day. Hope you guys have a wonderful day, if I can survive the lack of control, everyone can do it, really!

Day 4

It's been a strange day, totally out of routine. My classes got cancelled, so I got to work some extra hours today. Felt kind of nauseous after my workout this morning, but managed to eat a late lunch at 2:00. Over the past 2 months I have managed to do the impossible and gain weight and maintain it on my own. It still feels a little uncomfortable even though it's only a small amount, and I probably could stand to gain a bit more. It's getting easier though as I get used to the new weight, and I feel good knowing I did it gradually and healthily. The biggest problem is how incredibly guilty I feel, not just for gaining weight, but being okay with it. Anytime I look at myself and like what I see, my head tells me that I should not be happier now. I really have no desire to restrict anymore, and it feels like I lost what it special about me, as crazy as that seems. Just a weird day and a sad mood I guess. It feels like I lost a part of myself when I get rid of ED. I know this is irrational and, like getting used to the weight gain, it will get easier with time. Good luck everyone

back to day 1 tomorrow again

I feel lame that both you whitershade and brookespre are on day 4 and 5, and I don't even have a day. I working with my therapist on finding what's triggering the downward spiral I'm on. I'm just worried about thanksgiving coming up. We are hosting it at our new first home. There is going to be 12 family members! I have no clue on how many of them know about my eating disorder. I know my husband and dad know but I don't know about anyone else knowing. If they do know it's not from me telling them. A couple of my family members I did tell will most likely if they haven't already tell everyone else in the family. I'm getting really nervous.


There's no reason for you to feel lame! Everyone's experience with ED is unique and it's impressive and admirable that you had the courage to publicly commit to this challenge at all. You've had the honesty to admit when you slip up, and this honesty is a huge part of recovery. About 9 years ago, when I first admitted to my parents that I was binging and purging and started going to therapy, I didn't want to let anyone down, so I lied and pretended I stopped my behaviors when I really hadn't. My inability to be honest with anyone allowed my binging and purging to continue for 7 whole years before I told anyone else. In the meantime, all of my relationships suffered because I was constantly lying to everyone around me and I was, accordingly, never able to truly be close with anyone. If I could have done one single thing differently in regard to my ED recovery, I would have been honest about my relapses and slip-ups. Please congratulate yourself for being candid here on the forums, as well as in your relationship with your husband and father.


Thanks cosmia

Thanks cosmia that was nice of you to say. I'm on day one today. So far no purging. I hope it lasts

Day 6

Day 6 here, and it feels like magic, but I'm working hard, I try to be focused and I'm attending a meeting a day of the OA in order to stay more accountable. Anyway, tonight I'm going to the pub (maybe my social life is too busy, I know...) with some friends. Even if in Italy we don't celebrate Thanksgiving, me and my friends are going to have a "Friendsgiving" (every occasion is good to party) next Thursday, and I'm quite anxious too. So, I'm planning to eat very clean this week in order to feel free to enjoy the party without feeling guilty. I know that these control behaviours are not good, but at this moment my priority is not to vomit, so...I'll renegotiate my idea of "abstinence" (that's how a clean day is called in the 12 steps journey) eventually, but for now it's just no vomit, so even if I slip and binge I need to keep it inside me. And that's huge!

Brookespre: I'm proud of you, for your journey, and I can totally relate to what you say. I feel it also now, after years of normal weight, the sense of guilt when I dare to like myself as I am, when I dare to think "What if I just decide to eat whatever I feel like, and that's it, no weight control, no scale, no calorie counting?"... I simply do not allow myself to be completely free, to let the ED go.
It's the disease, and I don't know if it will ever pass, but this doesn't mean that we cannot learn how to cope with it, how to deal the fact that there'll always be some seeds of ED in us, and as long as we do not ACT it, we can survive like anyone else. Anyway, it'll get easier, I promise :-) And, most importantly, you are not special because of your ED, you are special because you are a unique human being, that's all:-))
The ED doesn't make us special, it just make us ill...

Melissash: I'm proud of you too, for being still here! I can really feel your desire to be healthy, your rage against this hell we live; you are a fighter, never forget that. Even now, after all these slip ups, we are still here. We don't give up, we rise and fall and rise again, that is the whole point of recovery.
Stay strong and go on:)

Cosmia: thank you, really!

I really like what you said

I really like what you said about the ED only making us ill. It's so interesting how having it begins to feel like a part of you, making it that much harder to let go. I don't know, I think sometimes it's really hard for me because I feel like once I'm "better" (over my ED) people won't have a reason to care about me anymore...don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for all the support I've been given over the years and would anything to ease the burden I feel like I am to people, but I guess I feel like they'll just let me go once I'm "okay" again. They'll stop caring. I know that's irrational and just the ED talking, but I can't help but shake the feeling. The ED makes me feel like I'd be nothing without it. Those words you said really spoke to me. We are more than our EDs. In fact, they're holding us back from being the amazing people we're actually capable of being! It's so easy to lose that mentality. Keep up the good work, and never lose hope! You are better than this, and you are worth it.

Day 7

Yesterday was okay, I managed to eat and actually savour my portion of my meal. It was very nice. The more I stay without vomit, the easier it gets, even though I know that I need to work hard and to not lower my guard. I was clean also 24 days last summer, and then I fell, so...
Anyway, this is my first whole week in a while, and, most importantly, this is the first week in my recovery journey I managed to eat everything I wanted without regrets.
Today I start my clean eating before Thanksgiving. I know that this can be triggering so I'll try to have foods I feel comfortable with on hand, in order to feel full with good food all the time.
Hope you guys have a great day!

day 2

I'm back on day two. My son and I just woke up so my day is just beginning. I'm hoping I can make it without binging and purging. Yesterday I binged but didn't purge. So I'm feeling uncomfortable today. I'm going to try working on not binging as well.
Whitershade, great job on all the hard work. You should be proud.
Brookespre how are you doing?

Day 1

So I honestly though about coming on here and lying and saying it was day 6 for me, but then I realized that I am only lying to myself and I have nothing to hide. I purged yesterday. I ate an easily purgeable food that I didn't feel totally comfortable with, and I felt awful for it. I am going to try and avoid those easily purgeable foods for a while now.

My depression has been especially bad lately. I am turning into a miserable person, I can just feel it. I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin, and while I would never do anything, I really have been questioning today if my life is worth it. I know that's morbid, but I just feel like I will be miserable and stressed out forever, hating my own body and not feeling comfortable. I'm just so so sad.

I just want to be happy. I want to be the happy person I was 2 years ago, I'm just not sure how to take those first steps to getting there. I will be alone Saturday, and I really want to challenge myself to be nice to myself and be happy. Right now, I wake up in the morning and my first thought is "when will I get my next workout in?" I just want a day to not revolve around that, but every time I try to make a day not about that, I feel selfish and lazy for not making working out my number one priority. It really tears me apart and makes me sad. I am kind of rambling now, but I just feel like I am going to explode with stress and sadness and anger and frustration. It feels better to write it out though.

Hope you guys have a great day, and Melissaah, good job on not purging after bingeing. That is half the battle. Hope you and your son have an amazing day.

Brookespre, sorry to hear

Brookespre, sorry to hear your are having a tough time. I know that you want your life and happiness back. I do believe you will. You have shown incredible strength and bravery by being honest with yourself about your struggles. You mentioned that you’ve been questioning if your life is worth it. That concerns me. If you ever feel like you need another safe place to express your frustration, the Suicide Hotline at 1-(800)273-TALK (8255) can help. Please know that your life is so, so worth it. You are valuable and matter in this world. Be safe, be strong. We’re here for you.

Brookespre, I know it's not

Brookespre, I know it's not easy coming on here and saying we slipped but I'm glad you did. The honesty will only help us in the long run. I hope you have a better day today. So far I'm doing ok. I had some urges about an hour ago but I think they are passing.

back to day one tomorrow

I screwed up again. I'm back to day one tomorrow. I don't know what's wrong with me I can get up to two days and then I slip up. If I keep going this rate I'm never going to get better.

Day 8

Here I am, strong enough to accept the fact that I weigh "too much" today. If I could only live free from the idea of losing weight, of being thinner, leaner, fitter...just the idea is a relief.
Anyway, no negativity, I'm here to cheer you:-))

Brookespre: great job being honest. We are neither here to judge nor to compete. The only challenge we are doing is against the ED, and I think it's enough for a lifetime:)
Anyway, working out is also an issue for it's my rest day, and even if I feel that my body needs it, I can't help thinking that I could maybe do at least some walking...Sometimes the hardest part is to learn to let go. We do not allow ourselves, we are our only boycotters.
Try to fill your days with other things, I feel so relieved when I got work meetings, like today, because I know that for some hours I won't think about food and body.
Start with the empty spaces, and go on from's also my method for fighting depression. Do something, even a jigsaw or some housecleaning.
Try to stay clear from this vortex of bad feelings.

Melissa: there's nothing wrong with you. Resisting the urges is really hard, it's actually the whole point of recovery.
I've read a book last year that really helped me with this concept and it was really helpful and eye opening.

May today be a perfect day for all of us!

Day 9

Hope you are ok, I just had a nice early breakfast and I'm enjoying the solitude in my house while my boyfriend is still asleep.
It hasn't been 9 days in a while, today is Saturday and I know that tonight could be tricky, but I feel stronger with these nine days on my side. I have other issues, though. My left-hand middle finger is swollen, hot and painful, my stomach is a little bit upset. I have a lot of stuff to do today and outside there is an absurd pouring rain. Anyway, I woke up earlier in order to attend an OA meeting this morning, I feel it helps me to stay focused and I need to stay focused this Saturday.
How are you? Please, write something today, I'm a little bit preoccupied, don't worry if you have slipped again, I've learnt that the only day that counts is today, so we should be thankful and content with every single day we remain clean from the binge/purge cycle.

Day 2

Hello everyone, I am having a nice early morning to myself as well. I will be alone most of the day since my boyfriend is out hunting all day, but this doesn't worry me like it used to. I used to spend my days alone over exercising and exhausting making myself miserable, but I don't really want to do that today. Last week I started my little side job as a personal trainer for a girl who runs for the local high school, and knowing that I have to keep myself healthy and strong to do that makes me feel like I have a purpose to get better. I'm having my typical breakfast, and I feel very calm and collected. I'm debating whether or not I am going to do a local race this morning.. Later on I am going to put on a cute outfit, get all made up, and go shopping and treat myself a little bit.

I hope your day goes well!

Day 1

I'm on day one today. I know it's not an excuse but I've been going through a lot of stress lately. Today I'm going thanksgiving shopping with my dad and then I have to go home and clean and get the house ready for thanksgiving. This is our first house and our first time hosting thanksgiving. So I'm a little nervous about it. I'm hoping with everything I have to do today will keep me too busy to binge and purge. Hope you guys have a good day.

Day 10

Today is day 10, and I feel the fattest I've been in the last month. Anyway, I feel also the strongest, so I hope this can compensate.
Yesterday my boyfriend made a talk to me, he told me "What's the point of this war against food? You love food, you're a great cook, we have dinners and lunches with friends all the time and they all enjoy the way you cook, talk and treat the food. The problem is not the food, it's with your body, you are obsessed because you have this strange thought that you can become obese overnight, but it's impossible! You have a great body, you're fit, toned, slim and healthy, you are beautiful and you waste so much energy in this war..."
I agree with everything he said, except for the beautiful part, anyway yesterday I had another almost binge day...I can't define it a binge because a binge is a large amount of food eaten in a short amount of time, but I grazed all day long and I also had three normal meal. Anyway, this morning I weigh a bit more than yesterday, and I'm a little bit scared, even if I know that it is nothing and the main suspect is water weight.

I did not purge, I'm not willing to purge at all. I'd love to be able to not eat...but my anorexia apparently is gone for good (and that is a good new, I know). I want to be free from this disease, I want to be free from the scale, but I can't throw it away, I want to enjoy my clothes without the feeling that I am always "too much"...
But today it's my tenth day. And at least I'm free from purging.
Love you girls, hope it's a good day!

Day 3

I feel like you and I are very similar cases. I absolutely love to cook healthy delicious food, but I always have this irrational fear that I will wake up obese! We waste so much energy fighting this stupid disease. I was talking to my boyfriend last night just trying to explain how frustrating it is to wake up and constantly wondering when I will get my next workout in, and how enough never feels like enough. I've been having this weird thing lately where I will only eat a few certain foods and that's it. It's not because I am afraid to eat anything else, it's just that this is all that seems appealing. 80% of my diet over the past few days is the same foods over and over again. So weird, but that's all that has seemed appetizing. I know that these are all really healthy, and at least I am not craving anything, but it's just strange. I read that it might be due to low magnesium levels, so I started taking a multi-vitamin a couple days ago, and those cravings are actually starting to subside.
This was the first Sunday in a while where we were able to sleep in without having to get up early to do something, so my boyfriend and I made a huge breakfast spread. I actually was able to just enjoy it without the temptation of going overboard! I count that as a huge victory so far today. Now I have to go do my Sunday training session, which might trigger me to overeat later, but I will worry about that when it comes. No point in constantly being scared that I will fail. I refuse to fail today. I absolutely refuse to purge. That disgusting feeling afterwards is unbearable.
My anorexia is completely gone too. Like I cannot bring myself to starve or be hungry. My ED tells me that I am weak for this, but I know that I am really strong. I am so lucky to have such amazing support not only from my boyfriend, but from you girls on here. Also, that small weight gain is definitely water weight or some other random factor. Scales are really deceiving and aren't really good for weighing yourself day to day.
Anyways, have a great day!!

great job with your breakfast!

My ED tells me all the time that I am to weak to starve... Even at my lowest weight, sometimes I binged and purged. This is a very hard feeling to let go, because if I don't act my bulimic part I'm happy because I don't really wanna b/p. Instead, when you are willing to starve, the fulfillment of the desire is coherent with it...It's hard to explain, but I think that anorexia is subtler and harder to fight, because there's a certain "logic" in it... That's why when you've been there, something broken will always stay with you.
Anyway, I feel good since now. I'm home alone, but I'm managing to keep myself the busiest that I can.

day one tomorrow

I thought I was the only one that felt like I was weak because I didn't eat like I did when I was anorexic. It actually has been bugging me a lot lately. I almost feel like a failure. Anyway I messed up already today so tomorrow is day one for me. Good job both of you keep up the good work. Wish I was there with you.