National Eating Disorders Association

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melbell52
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Ever since I was little I always felt fat, even though I know I wasn't. In 5th grade I put myself on a not needed diet, which really only lasted a week. Can't really do much when your parents make sure you eat.

In seventh grade things got bad at home and I became depressed and focused on my weight yet again. I stopped eating, again only a short while.

A few years past and those thoughts left my mind for a while.

In November of 2012 the thought returned and I stopped eating. My family started to notice the weight drop and my manager mentioned it at work, but have always managed to change the subject. a couple months ago I started to eat again. I put on most of the weight I lost. Yet again, the thought returned that I needed to lose weight. Every thing that I eat, instantly I feel guilty about eating and even when I eat very little I feel like I've eaten too much that day. I've gone to eating one small meal a day.

I don't know how to stop these thoughts. I'm just tired of feeling depressed and constantly thinking about my weight.

ednew
I would encourage you to seek

I would encourage you to seek professional help so that you can address this issue. There are many fine treatment centers where you can participate inpatient, day, and intensive outpatient programs. I'm sure NEDA could help you find an appropriate program..

eghall
Glad you found us!

Hi melbell52,

The cycle you describe above is exactly how an ED works. It comes into our lives, and then leaves us alone for a bit. But at some point the ED is going to continue to enter back in. Professional help is really the only way to break this cycle for the rest of your life. And it is completely possible to stop these thoughts for good!

Would you be willing to speak with a therapist? It may be a good place for you to start. You can find one here:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment

Here is some information for you regarding treatment:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/treatment-basics

I know this may seem like a scary step, but now that your parents have noticed maybe you can tell them about what you are suffering through. It's time to reclaim your life and we are here to help you do just that!

nanzhu
You WILL find peace

Hi melbell52,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. You're not alone and you've made a great first step in recognizing these recurring thoughts and wanting to do something to stop them. I personally have also dealt with an ED that started in high school, went away, and then returned in college. In addition to speaking with a therapist, the NEDA Helpline (1-800-931-2237, M-F, 9AM-5PM EST) is a good place to start to talk to someone who can help you navigate the best place to get help for you. Talking to a close friend or family member can help you too, or even writing down your thoughts so that you can share tor reflect upon hem later on, which might help identify what's triggering them or bothering you most. Just getting these thoughts out of your head can help ease the burden and help you take the next steps to feeling better.

I believe in you and you will find peace through the help and support of those around you, and here at NEDA of course! You can do it!

Nan