What was it like to be me growing up?  Eye-opening.  

It all started around age fourteen, when I began feeling self-conscious about my body. I was always the tall, lanky kid that was horrible at sports but a great talker and an even better writer. I guess you could say, I was a good observer. 

So, what did fourteen-year-old Makaila observe? That she was losing sight of herself. 

Talking openly about my feelings has never come easily to me. Even when I was younger, I would rather deliver a vague response of “okay” or “I’m fine” than engage in a lengthy discussion with someone else. And that was never really a problem—at least not until people started expecting me to speak.

To a person who has never had an eating disorder, they’re virtually impossible to understand. The concept of deliberately depriving yourself of food, the building block for our species’ survival, seems irrational, illogical, and, as I’ve heard many times before, crazy.

Small waist, long legs, voluminous hair, big breasts. I was programmed to believe these were the ideal traits a girl must have to be deemed valuable. As a child, I was frequently exposed to Barbie, Victoria’s Secret advertisements and novellas —all of which repeatedly perpetuated the same beauty ideal.

Today is World Mental Health Day, an annual awareness and education initiative spearheaded by the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH). This year’s campaign highlights the importance of increased mental health awareness, services, and care for young people in a changing world.

The start of a new semester can be a bittersweet moment. For most college students, it is time to leave your hometown to return to school. This can be an exciting time where you will navigate campus and rekindle friendships from past semesters. However, for someone in eating disorder recovery, the transition may be overwhelming. Though you may be ready to take on the new semester, it’s important to remember these tips and tricks for maintaining recovery. 

Returning to school after summer break is a big transition. It can be a happy and exciting time, as well as a scary and confusing one. Either way, orientation week and going back to school can feel quite disorienting for anyone, but for someone who struggles with an eating disorder it can pose some added challenges.

Last week, I had my first day of classes in Copenhagen, where I will be studying abroad for the next semester. In my applied psychotherapy course, my professor gave us a piece of advice:  treat yourself the way you want to treat others, because quite often, we are not as kind to ourselves as we should be. This is true in many aspects, especially when talking about body image. 

Going back to school for my second year at college is something I’ve been looking forward to for the entire summer. I have enjoyed living far from home, having my own space, and being able to learn and explore the world as an independent person. I love my school and my friends, and I could not imagine a better environment for personal growth and the acquisition of knowledge. Along with all of these pleasures that make going back to school so appealing, there is a lot of added responsibility and anxiety that can also make the environment difficult to navigate. 

Like many of us, I always spent the month of August wondering who my teachers would be, what kind of homework I’d get, and who might be in my classes. In the past, the ambiguity made me a little nervous about going back to school, until I faced the most nerve-wracking August of my life. That August, I was preparing to go back to school after receiving treatment for my eating disorder. 

I was terrified.