National Eating Disorders Association

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lexy852
Stuck

Hi there,

I have been suffering with anorexia for 7 years but my weight was restored towards the beginning of my illness and since then I have been controlled by my mother (I am now 17). Last year I went to Kartini Clinic for 6 months and they determined that I needed to put on weight. Aside from making me gain weight and putting me on a meal plan, I did not feel that I was progressing in my recovery (i.e gaining control of my eating plus at this weight I was very self conscious and didn't like the way I looked. 6 weeks ago, my therapist told me that I was to take control of my food 100% and not drop weight. I was left very startled because over the 7 years I have never once been taught how to take care of myself. I wasn't aware of how to maintain, I didn't know about fluctuations and I was pretty much left to experiment. I would fluctuate everyday which completely threw me off, and overcompensate. During this time I was also doing an intense dance course because I am an aspiring performer, which ultimately made me lose weight. I l asked to go back on the meal plan to make sure that I didn't. I now know how much I must eat to maintain my weight, and I am extremely happy with how I look. However, my therapist says that I must go back to america for treatment or the other option is to be held in my house and put on the weight there. This means I can't go to school, can't go to singing and dancing lesson, can't see my friends, no phone. In my opinion both options are completely ridiculous. i don't respond to treatment in america, it just depresses me and causes me to rebel. and keeping me at home, stopping my life completely will drive me insane and i will become depressed.

I believe I am a healthy weight and am eating extremely well and determined to keep this going. My parents are not talking to me at all so I feeling very alone and stuck. I know that I can maintain my weight and live normally but they wont give me the chance. I really need to go to school for my senior year and get my diploma and go to performing arts school! I just want a normal last year.

i don't know what to do. im stuck in my own home.

michael26
Hi Lexy!!!

Hey! Thanks for trusting these forums with your message! Just out of curiosity, what country are you currently living in?

I can definitely hear your frustration, and I am so sorry that this is happening. I recovered from my eating disorder as well while I was still growing up at home, so I understand how confusing everything can get. Have you tried expressing your needs to your parents? I don't know if they talked about the DEARMAN script while you were in treatment, but here is a link that better explains it! It can be really helpful when discussing difficult subjects.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/ie_handout_8.html

Have you tried calling the NEDA Helpline? They can help find more treatment options for you. Maybe there is a facility closer to home in your country that would be able to assist you? The number is 1-800-931-2237 and the hours are Monday through Thursday 9:00 am to 9:00 pm Eastern Standard Time and Firday 9:00 to 5:00.

Also, there are some other ways NEDA can help! Have you heard of the NEDA Navigators? They can provide more private help and support. The link that describes them is:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators

How are you doing? You are so strong!!! You have made such great progress in your recovery! You can do this!!!

nanzhu
Hi Lexy!

Hi Lexy!

Thank you for sharing your story! It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of difficult times and I'm glad you have reached out here for support!

I'm sorry to hear that the treatment you went through didn't seem to help your mindset. Do not be discouraged though! Recovery from eating disorders is often a long journey that differs for every single person. It is usually filled with both positive achievements and negative setbacks, and it is important to not let those setbacks take over your goals.

I agree with michael26 - the NEDA Helpline is a great place to start. Also, are you seeing a doctor who referred you to the clinic in America? It might help to discuss other possible options for you closer to your home, or a different type of treatment since the first one did not seem to work for you. You mentioned your therapist said that it is either go to America or stay at home and gain weight, but there may be other options in between that talking to a doctor or other professional might help with. Everybody has a different plan that works for them, and I have confidence that you will find yours with some time and determination!

You can do it!

All the best,
Nan