National Eating Disorders Association

62 posts / 0 new
Last post
DebbieBruce
Reply

I tried calling the support line for advice and it’s closed. My daughter has been suffering from this for 5 years. She was almost fully recovered, but UCSF dumped her from therapy because she was there too long. At a critical time, and at a good weight. She went spiraling into relapse. Although she may have gone there anyway, the therapist did not help. She wants to get better. She’s now hospitalized again. She went willingly, still very low weight. It’s a hospital treatment center, they want to keep her longer. She wants to check herself out as soon as she turns 18, ok she will give it a day, to do the rest at home. I want to support her, but this is the worst she’s been. She wants to go back to school to graduate. I want her to as well. Should I let her lead, I’m all she has now. Very few friends and I just had to let go last therapist. My maternal instinct says to support her, she’s agreeing to support, but on her terms. But also, I can’t trust this disorder that imbedded itself inside my beautiful daughter.

iwanttolive
DebbieRurce

Hello. I am so sorry to hear of what happened to your daughter. That is so upsetting. I am glad that she is getting help now, but understand your concern that she wants to do things on her terms. That is a tough place to be. May I ask if you are helping her pay for college? If so, you may want to think about having boundaries around this and if she isn't compliant with treatment, then you may want to think about not paying for her education until she is compliant and in a healthier mindset and at a healthier weight.
Ultimately when she turns eighteen, she will be able to "call the shots" unless she is living with you and then it may be helpful to have the advice of a therapist about what boundaries you can make and expectations you will have for her to be living with you. It is very complicated and oh so sad and scary. I understand as I had been very ill and it really scared my parent's. I am now doing okay. I have recently had some increasing use of eating disorder behaviors, mostly overeating, but have been doing pretty well in that area. Things have been very stressful and difficult and that is sometimes when old ways of coping return, but I am getting help.

I just want to say I understand how scared you are and how much you love your daughter. Thank you for that from a daughter's perspective. I encourage you to seek counselling for yourself and see if the therapist might be able to give you some ideas as to how to approach the situation with your daughter. I can only give examples from my own experience an am not a professional so anything I said must be viewed from that angle. Please get yourself some support and I really wish you the best. I encourage you to post again and continue to reach out. NEDA will be back on Monday.

iwanttolive

DebbieBruce
Daughter wants to leave treatment

Thank you for your reply. So far, she has not checked herself out of ed hospital treatment. She has been there three weeks, on bed rest so I understand how difficult it is. But she would be leaving ama and it is simply not the correct thing to do. Yes, I have set boundaries about going to college. She is so smart, she can get probably a full scholarship and I will not have that as a boundary. That is, saying I am not paying for it. But I told her I would not support it unless she is healthy. She is agreeing to seeing MD each week, the other doctors as well. Its the low weight and going ama that is dangerous to me. The behaviors are still there. No, I do not talk to a therapist. That is why I am on here. I find them to be useless, for me. No offense. I have friends and that is more then enough, some are boarderline therapists. Finding a good therapist is like finding a needle in a haystack. A specialist for this, is nearly impossible to find one covered by insurance and even though I paid out of pocket thousands of dollars - still not that great. So no, I'd rather not waste my money or time. For her though, we keep trying and I don't know what the key is. All I know is that I moved from my city to the suburbs for my girls before they were born. I have never truly acclimated and all my friends are still in the city. I wonder if my disconnect to community up here, effected her. She seems to be a fish out of water. But she had friends … I don't know. It seems like an addiction to me and all I want is for her to get healthy. I'm always afraid she will die. Yet, something inside of me says she will not. Then something else tells me this thing is directly from hell and I don't know what I am dealing with. It's like a creepy movie (I never seen but I know they exist) where the devil comes into the innocent pure child. But I would not tell the girls who suffer from this, that. I just want her to be done already. They say not to blame myself, and I do not. I simply … wish it could have been prevented.

iwanttolive
DebbieRurce

Hi again. It is good that your daughter hasn't checked herself out of the hospital at this time. I am glad you have some good friends to talk with. As far as the move, you really can't second guess yourself. A lot of parents probably do this when things are difficult for a child or an adult child wondering if I did this instead of that than maybe.....but you lived your life and your daughter made choices and we all do. So if you can try not to try to figure out the whys. That is not going to help you or your daughter. As far as therapists, I am sorry you had bad experiences with them and the expenses. I have found it very helpful to have one, but as you said, you don't feel comfortable and that is okay.

For now, take it one day at a time. Do you have a faith back round or do you believe in God or Jesus? For me, my faith in Jesus is what kept me alive and what has brought me so far. Without Him I wouldn't be here. I need Him now so much and more as I continue on with my journey. I will never stop needing Him. His love and His help and His care. Just wondering if you wanted to talk about it with me, if not that is okay. I don't want to impose on you but wanted to open it up to see if you have thought about these things. For now, I have to go. I am very tired and had a very long day.

iwanttolive

DebbieBruce
Yes, I have a lot of faith

Yes, I have a lot of faith and that is what I tell her doctors and why I do not feel I need a therapist. I find the strength internally, and therapist are fine for those who benefit from them and need them. My daughter had faith, but now it seems to be hidden. The doctors are top notch and are advising well and so far so good. What is difficult is making sure it doesn't disappear when she returns. I spoke to God on my way home and I think my strength has increased. My strength to support her. So I am assuming what you are saying is that if I can get her back to her faith, we have a better chance of conquering this? I was thinking the same, if so … I truly hope so. Thank you.

iwanttolive
Debbie Bruce

Hi. I am glad to hear of your dependence on Jesus. But I do not believe this says we can't have help and support from others. If you have a church family or Pastor and you feel more comfortable going and getting support that way you may want to consider that. I understand that you are saying but I also know from personal experience how helpful it has been to have a therapist whom I can talk with and know she understands what is going on and is there to help me deal with things I don't always know how to. If you think of it like this, even Jesus replied on God yes but also His disciples especially Peter John and James. Please try to keep that door open and if you need the help ask for it. I know some therapists don't get it and that is when we find one we can connect with.

I am gladcrhat your daughter is getting good help. She will need a strong support system in place and for many this includes dietitians and a therapist and a good church that teaches the Word of God and let's people know they are loved as they are but too much to stay that way. We all need to keep growing and surrendering things in our life to Gid, with His help. Take care for now and have a good day.

iwanttolive

Hopeless829
Hello, I know this is an old

Hello, I know this is an old comment but I hope you receive this, my daughter is 20 and I’m dealing with the same thing, I hope you figured out a way to help. I’m so scared watching my daughter die before my eyes

_admin_moderator
Hopeless829

 Hi Hopeless829. We wanted to make sure to post the NEDA Helpline information if you need help finding support. The helpline phone line can be reached at 1-800-931-2237 (Monday-Thursday 11:00am-9:00pm, Friday 11:00am-5:00pm EST) if you need help finding resources. Helpline chat hours are Monday-Thursday from 9AM to 9PM ET and Friday 9AM to 5PM ET. Please take care, and know you are not alone!

bluethings
New here think i may have a Eating disorder

Hi all im 24 yo female . Ive been not eating alot i threw up this week . Part of me knows this is dangerous but i feel so much control and euphoria in doing so . My therapist wanted to diagnose me iwith endos but im not underweight and i domt engage in these behaviors often .. but if ik
Honest this shutdown is really bringing out those behaviors its not bsd so i shouldnt seek help its just a diet .. any advice would be greatly appreciated

_admin_moderator
NEDA Resources

Hi bluethings - we wanted to make sure to post the NEDA Helpline information for help finding support and during this time. The helpline phone line can be reached at 1-800-931-2237 (Monday-Thursday 11:00am-9:00pm, Friday 11:00am-5:00pm EST). Helpline chat hours are Monday-Thursday from 9AM to 9PM ET and Friday 9AM to 5PM ET. Additionally, we have compiled resources for the current COVID-19 situation should you need support with this, which can be found here, and a COVID-19 forum. Please take care and don’t hesitate to reach out.

Tryingtoheal
Eating disorders are NOT diets

if a professional is diagnosing you, i would suggest listening. Unfortunately I don't have the authority to diagnose you. Often times, health professionals, who are equipped to diagnose us, are better at seeing the type of eating disorder that we can't see we are struggling with, at least not as bad as we really are.
Please trust this person to have your best in mind. Keep us posted.
Purging is never good. It can lead to death.

Pages

NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.

Resources