National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
health problems

Hi, this is iwanttolive. I have really been having a hard time, not with food or behaviors but work and medical issues. I have chronic pancreatic, and it is flaring up which is causing a lot of pain. I also have a hernia in the stomach region. On top of that I had a procedure done on my back and it failed for a third time. NO MORE OBLATIONS. Chronic pain is terrible. My lady I take care of two days a week suffers from severe bouts of depression and anxiety. Yesterday I could hardly talk my voice was so shaky and my anxiety was so high, added to very bad day with her own anxiety. I see her again tomorrow, and am nervous about that.

My doctor told me today that when I take a certain medication to reduce inflammation actually puts my body into a state of psychosis. I feel so outside of myself, I hear my voice but it doesn't sound like my own. It is quivery and weird. My mom has been very supportive. My dad doesn't do well with things like this.

My regular GI doctor just saw me and I was complaining of pain. His response after waiting over an hour for him, not unusual, was that I have chronic pancreatitis and there is nothing he can do. He did not order blood work or figured out that I have a hernia. I am not allowed to eat solid food for a while. The doctor was amazing but now I feel like he stopped caring and just pacifies me and doesn't treat me. Time for a change.

I have been maintaining my weight but not a diet for pancreatitis. This is very difficult. I am not allowed to eat certain foods but continue to eat them one reason being I don't like to cook the other is I like to eat in bed before I go to sleep, the worst thing for my condition. So now that my weight is stable and I am free from the worst of the eating disorder, I must focus on what I eat now and that is so difficult because I want to eat whatever I want to eat and for my health I just can't do that anymore.

I am afraid my pain will keep me from being able to continue to work and my income will drop dramatically. I can't afford that. But I also can't live in constant pain. I am terrified of working anything but with the company I am with and doing anything else besides home health. I don't know how I would handle anything else as I have tried and just walked off the job on the spot because of fear, anxiety and panic attacks, albeit they were mild but I was terrified of working in a regular store. I had a job coach for six months work side by side with me which was a bit awkward being in my forty's and having a job coach. She left and I quit within three weeks.

So this is a lot, I know. I am exceedingly depressed, in pain, physically and emotionally, and don't want to go to work tomorrow but I have to.

I am sorry this is so long.

I hope the rest of you are doing okay and focusing forward towards recovery.
iwanttolive

hermione3
Sorry you are having a hard

Sorry you are having a hard time with health problems. I know what it feels like to feeel like a doctor doesn't care or isn't listening. Please do what is best for you and your health I am a bit of a hypocrite but just do what you need to do. Work is a challenge sometimes I get the anxiety and everything. Just I don't know what to say you have been very supportive to me I just wanted to let you know I am here and care about you and wish the best for you.

iwanttolive
hermione3

I thank you so much for reaching out to me and offer me your support. It means so much to me. Sometimes the best thing to say to someone is I hear you, and I support you. Fancy words or long responses aren't necessary. Just knowing I am heard and hearing someone's support is so helpful. So thank you.

I am hoping you will take a dose of your own advice:)))

Take care,
iwanttolive

kayleigh91
Diet

Hey iwanttolive,

I was just reading your scenario, and I want to say that I am so proud that you want to stabilize your weight and have accomplished so much! I am going to school to be registered dietitian, and have just covered the GI. Try to remember that recovery goals change, and you have to do what is best for your health right now. Since your doctor is the professional, I think it is very important that you try to adhere to what his recommendations are. Your situation will more than likely get better, and you may be able to go back to eating more freely.

Good Luck!
KayLeigh

London1621
Hugs

Sending you hugs to help you with this.

lovetowrite81
Iwanttolive

Hi Iwanttolive,
Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you are experiencing these health problems- it sounds like so much but I know that you will get through & overcome. Continue leaning into God, my friend. You are more than a conqueror <3

chunkymonkey68
Dear I Want To Live, Thanks for Sharing your Pain and Suffering

It sounds very difficult to deal with that body pain. What options does dr have since nothing can be done to cure it. Does your plan have a "Pain Management" group or sessions to learn how to feel better? Do you receive rent for taking care of your parents house and your sister and all her problems? Perhaps you could get some medical support financially from Disability or the med group that covers your sister if you are running the house for her? Then you might reduce your other work hours?

iwanttolive
chunkeymonkey68

Hi and thank you for the questions. I am not responsible for my sister. We are both on disability. Hers is medical mine is psychiatric. So to clear up any misconceptions, she pays rent, I pay rent and my roommate pays rent to my dad. She refuses to help out with any household expenses and I just have to let it go because it is really getting to me.

I go for an MRI of my right hip next week to see if that is the problem. The pain management doctor takes my insurance, and I thank God for that. He is so nice.
I see a GI doc Wednesday since the one I have been going to seems to be tired of me. He never checked blood levels for enzymes to see if they were elevated which he should have done. And he should have examined me and then would have known I have the hernia.

I also don't usually clean my folks house. That was a one time gift, ten hours of cleaning, and they have decided they are too old to clean and have pain and are too busy. So they will have someone come in twice a month.

I am being told to just don't expect my sister to change and to let go of the pain and anger. That is what the Bible tells us to do. I won't be a doormat but I am called to love her, to do good to those who despitefully use you and to love those who are unloving. Only God can do that through me, I can't do it in my own strength. So thank you for your concern. I am not in the best place now and have so much going on. Too much. But thank you for your thoughtful response

So I found a new one recommended by another doctor I saw and he sounds good.

iwanttolive
Thank you

Hi. Thanks for your support. It really means a lot to me. My best friend moved, and I am really struggling badly now and I haven't struggled this much in almost a year. I appreciate everyone's comments and support. Thank you.

hermione3
Sorry things are so difficult

Sorry things are so difficult I will be sending positive vibes your way. When my best friend died I had a really hard time missing friends is hard. Feel better soon you are loved and cared about.