National Eating Disorders Association

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I am 19 years old, from the ages of 15-17 I struggled with severe anorexia/orthorexia which turned into a horrible case of BED and bulimia. Over the past couple of years, I have over doubled my weight.

I have still suffered with bulimia and b/p. I am ashamed to admit this. I go through cycles of it, weeks of being fine and then weeks of body backlash. I work out, I eat healthy when I am not b/ping with SOME treats, but I still sky rocket in weight it seems.

My fear is that my body will continue to increase in weight no matter what I do. My doctors diagnosed me with PCOS.

My dream was to become a female bodybuilder and inspire young women to love themselves, be healthy, stay active, and chase their goals no matter what. This is my largest aspiration. PCOS, as it sounds, could truly keep me form this.

They say it will leave me infertile and forever struggling with weight gain.

Has anyone ever struggled with PCOS and managed to remain healthy?
Also, how did you eat coming out of such a bad eating disorder history? I try to listen to my body and eat healthy things but, I don't know if Ive hormonally upset something as I am never full sometimes. Never.

I am so depressed with the state of my body, but trying to hang on. I went from lean, fit, and happy to destroyed and growing overweight in no time. I have been through a year long treatment facility, but my demons still chase me.

Thank you for your wisdom.


I have never personally dealt with PCOS before but I have learned about it in my various nutrition classes. I can only imagine how difficult it is to live with both an eating disorder and PCOS. I'm sorry that I cannot give any personal insight about this but I know that medical problems such as this should be your main focus. Staying healthy and controlling this PCOS should be your #1 goal.

I totally understand what you mean about being depressed about your body. It sucks to not be happy with the body you are living in. But I promise you, there is nothing to be depressed about your body! When you stop and think about all that your body has done for you, you begin to truly appreciate it. Your body helped you survive during the eating disorder, is keeping yourself going while having PCOS, and got you through all the workouts you have done. Your body is truly a gift. Here is an article about 10 steps to a positive body image:

You mentioned that your dream is to inspire young women to love themselves. What would you say to a girl who was in your situation, hating her body? Try to think of what you would tell that person and, as hard as it may be, try to apply it to yourself. I completely understand that things like this especially are easier said than done. But you cannot truly help others until you take care of yourself.

Those demons are the reason for your thoughts. It is up to you to let them control your life or not. When you dig down deep and find your strength, you will be able to stand up to those demons.

Are you talking to a therapist? Openly talking to somebody can let you release the demons out in the open. It will be a roller coaster of a ride at times but being able to freely talk about your problems can make a huge weight come off of your shoulders. There are different treatment options from seeing a therapist to joining a support group:

NEDA also offers an amazing service. NEDA Navigators are people who have personally struggled with an eating disorder and are from your area. They will be there to listen, give advice, and motivate you.

You mentioned listening to your body when it's hungry. This is so difficult when recovering from an eating disorder because the ED voice is telling you one thing and then another voice is telling you something different. Personally, I overcame this struggle by reading books on the subject. You would be surprised how many books there are out there on listening to your body! It's great! The first book I read was "Intuitive Eating." This body teaches you how to listen to your body, what you crave, how much you want, and how to have a new perspective on your body:

The second book that I read was "Life Without Ed." I still have both of these books, along with plenty others, that I turn to whenever I need a pick me up:

The last thing I wanted to leave you with is an article, "Can you tell anything by a person's weight?": Today's society focuses so much on what a person looks like, what size they wear, and how much they weigh. This is not what we need to worry about. What we need to worry about is loving ourselves because once you start loving yourself, you begin to truly live life.

Stay Strong!! You deserve to no longer be followed by these demons and have this recovery!



Omg. I read this post and immediately felt like I was reading a story about my life. I'm struggling with bulemia/bED. I have pcos and I also have been training for a figure competition up until this past May where I relapsed and have gone sooooo downhill since then. I have every concern you have. I still struggle with my ED, I'm 2 days binge/purge free and the feeling is incredible I don't remember the last time I went this long, and I have no idea what's keeping me from giving in. I went from training hard to the complete opposite because I was afraid of being judged after I had stopped training.

You're story hit me so hard I

You're story hit me so hard I'm 19 and was diagnose too ! I gained weight in recovery (I was really sick) but a lot of the weight gain was from pcos ! Now I get and eat healthy but I understand the frustration of you need anyone I'm always here !

Hi Linds2590 and L0vebelle,

Hi Linds2590 and L0vebelle,
Thank you so much for sharing your stories here on the forums! It's great to connect to others who have had similar experiences. Just as a reminder, our goal is to keep anything that could be triggering (like specific numbers about weight/sizes, behaviors, negative body comments) off of the forums so that it can remain a positive and supportive place. We slightly edited your posts but hope that this conversation continues to help others struggling with similar issues.
Stay strong!
-NEDA Forum Moderators

Stay strong

I think this is a great conversation that many people can relate to!

In addition to the helpful resources that Haley suggested, here are some other links that might be useful:
Special issues:
Developing and maintaining positive body image:
Stories of hope:
NEDA support groups:
Coach and trainer toolkit:

With the right support systems - including treatment providers, friends, family, and others affected by eating disorders - recovery IS possible and it's never too late to get back on the road to health and happiness.

Loud Sobbing

I'm 20 and I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I've had anorexia, BPD/bulimia on and off up until 19. I've been recovered for about a year. I recently got diagnosed with PCOS and am panicking. I've always been slim to normal weight, even with all the fluctuations. I'm so scared that I'll start gaining weight and won't be able to lose it due to the PCOS. Because of my ED history, this is going to be impossible to handle. I can already tell it'll destroy me. Being diagnosed with PCOS is my worst nightmare coming true.


Hi Indigo-

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling upon hearing this news about being diagnosed with PCOS. I could imagine how that would be triggering immense anxiety upon having ED history and struggling in the past. Just wanted to let you know that you are heard and we are here to support you. I hope that you continue to post as you continue to fight back any ED thoughts that may emerge <3

I'm so sorry

That you're hurting. Out of curiosity, what is pcos? We are here for you.