National Eating Disorders Association

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Peachgirl43
Can't stop purging

No matter what I do I can't stop purging. The thoughts of purging consume me first thing in the morning . I don't know how to focus on anything else or how to cure myself of the obsessive thoughts . The worse is when I can't purge when I wanted to. Lately I've not been able to purge due to my boyfriend in my way of my purge sessions , this makes me angry. I'm hoping some one has some sound advice that can help me battle this demon.

haleyan31
Peachgirl43,

Purging sucks. It straight up sucks like no other. It is especially difficult when it comes to a point where it controls your every thought and move. Those demons don't have to control your life though. I know it may be hard to believe but it's true! Living a life with those demons in control is not a life at all. So how do you say goodbye to those demons?? It takes time and commitment but it's totally possible and worth it!

Have you ever told your boyfriend about your problem? Having somebody there to hold you accountable can be a great way to end the purging. If he truly cares for you, he will be there to support you 110%. And if he struggles with this, feel free to give him this article: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/how-help-friend-eating-and-body-...

Have you ever talked to a therapist? They can be so helpful to open up to when times are tough. There are some things that you can try and do the next time you feel the urge to binge and purge. (Some of these may seem weird or like they wouldn't work, but work with me here). Next time you feel the urge, try to take a walk, read a book or some Stories of Hope (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/stories-of-hope), call a family member/friend, clean, draw or color, or simply take a nap.

Another thing that might help fight those demons is to know more about the stupid disorder of bulimia.

Bulimia Nervosa: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/bulimia-nervosa
10 "Will Powers" for Improving Body Image: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/10-will-powers-improving-body-image
Can You Tell Anything By a Person's Weight?: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/can-you-tell-anything-persons-we...
Health Consequences of Eating Disorders: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/health-consequences-eating-disor...

Remember, you are SO, TOTALLY, 110% worth recovery! We are here to listen whenever you have a bad day or a good day.

Stay strong!

Haley

Peachgirl43
Hey Hayley

Thanks for the kind comments! I needed to hear those kind words. As far as my boyfriend goes he's not very supportive of my eating disorder and has no interest in learning more. My mother is the same way . They both just tell me to stop and believe that it's that simple. The good thing is soon I should have a good therapist to talk to and I'm hoping she can help me. I'm up early because I can't sleep. All this anxiety makes me a nervous mess. But thank you again for your feedback.

haleyan31
Peachgirl43,

I am so sorry that your boyfriend isn't supportive. I know how hard it is for him to see somebody he cares about falling apart. Once you begin to see your therapist, i think it will help sooo much! Once you feel comfortable in the sessions, maybe you could try a session with you mom. I know this probably sounds nerve wracking but the therapist will be there to help control the situation and it can be so freeing to openly talk about your struggles.

I totally don't blame you for the anxiety. The stupid ED is pretty much best friends with anxiety. Once you start therapy sessions, let me know how they go! I am positive that they will greatly help you.

Stay Strong!!

Haley

SkimmyKimmy
Same here

*Oops I dont know why I posted it to this as a reply, but i guess I will leave the post here for now because I don't know how to delete it* I feel that I am on the same page as you are Peach!

Hello, I am new to this website and thought I'd share some of my recent struggles.
So I've had an eating disorder since the eighth grade to this day. I am now in my second year at college and still struggling with anorexia and bulimia.
But it's strange because I had made up in my mind that once I went back home for the holidays, I would eat with my family and be "normal" so that no one would suspect that I relapsed. If I could I would reach out for help, but because of cultural differences, I do not get the same support from my parents as most others do. My parents grew up in South Korea and were never exposed to some of the psychological disorders that are growing in numbers and are openly talked about in America. Slowly, Korea is also talking about and reaching out to people with eating disorders and such...but because of our cultural differences, I just don't have any hope in asking my parents for help. The last time I talked to them about my problem was in high school. They simply told me that I had to eat no matter what and basically made sure I didn't throw out or hid any of my meals. They could not understand the psychological aspect. They're loving parents but it's just their denial in accepting disorders such as depression. Of course this made me very frustrated and angry at times, but I began to understand.
But anyways, at the moment I have been staying at my parents house for winter break from school and have been eating with them. However it's the first time I haven't purged and kept the "purge-free" time span for this long. I am able to do this because I know that once I go back to school I will do whatever I "need to do". Although it feels kinda good to know that I can control and be "normal" whenever I'd feel like, it scares me. I feel like I am two different people. I know that once I return back to school, I will give into my eating disorder and restrict/binge-purge... It's like someone in my head is making sure that I go back to restricting. Even while I'm at home, I do everything I can to eat as little as possible without making it too obvious around my parents but still eating more than what I'm comfortable with.
It's just so difficult being two different people. It's so frightening and I want help but the only way I could afford to pay for some therapy sessions is to find a side job while studying (which is highly unlikely due to my schedule).
Attending an art school requires alot of time to think and plan and make art. But last semester, I lost complete motivation for making art and instead gave into bulimia.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone has gone through something similar? And if you would kindly share how you overcame these voices.
I am able to eat for the sake of showing others that I am normal, but then I will restrict when I am not around them and when I know for sure that I will be alone for an extended period of time, my bulimia hits me hard and the cycle just never seems to end. As much as I want to hold onto this nasty eating disorder, I'm craving to know what it feels like to change my mental state. I forget what what it feels like to eat normal and be a "normal" person.
If anyone is currently recovering, or has recovered from anorexia/bulimia, please leave me some helpful advice in how to change the mental part of this horrific disorder. Thank you for taking your time to read this!
Best,
SkimmyKimmy

Michelle45
Hey SkimmyKimmy!

Hey SkimmyKimmy!
I am so glad I read your post, it is exactly how I feel. I have tried to stop purging so many times, but every time I know my willpower will inevitably fail. I also don't think telling my parents would help, because I think they will just tell me that it is wrong and that I should stop. I know what you mean with the "thinking normal about food". I look at other people and can't understand how food seems to be at the back of their minds, where as I am constantly obsessing over what I will/can/shouldn't eat. Please let me know if you have new advice or updates on your eating disorder!
Kind regards
Michelle45

lovetowrite81
Michelle45

Hi Michelle-
Just wanted to say hello & welcome you to this community of individuals who understand what you're going through. And let you know that you are not alone. <3 I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I wanted to ask if you have sought any other support? Just want you to hear that your behavior is not your fault. It is not a matter of willpower, but so much more complex than that. If you are struggling with ED, it is a severe mental illness and cannot be solved by just deciding to stop. Know that you did not choose this & it is very difficult to put an end to the behavior without seeking help. Know we are here for you and would love to walk alongside you towards recovery. There is always hope <3

Asking for help :)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

One thing to keep in mind is that it is always a good thing to ask for help. NEDA is always here to help you.
Also, there's a few links below you might find helpful:
Positive body image: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/developing-and-maintaining-positi...
Sharing w ease: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sharing-eeease
Support groups: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-support-groups

It's understandable what you are going through! Try keeping a journal about your thoughts and maybe try speaking to a friend about the emotional struggles you are going through. Do you think the stress is getting to you and you are using eating disordered behaviors to cope with your workload? If that is the case, try finding some balance by squeezing in relaxing time for yourself!

All the Best!

bextalee
Hey SkinnyKimmy

Hey SkinnyKimmy, Im in the same boat as you. My mother is South Korean and my dad is English, although I live at home with my mum. She is aware I have an eating disorder (bulimia and bingeing) however she kind of just dismisses it as she also has her own problems at the momenyt. I also vow to 'get back to my ED' once i hand in my essays. I hope we can both find recovery one day, but i defo know how you feel. Chin up girl , we'll get there one day :-)

michael26
HI there!

Hi! I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with some ED thoughts towards the end of your semester. But, I can definitely tell you are determined and strong to pursue fighting the ED!!

Have you considered seeing an eating disorder therapist? I think that seeing a professional such as that would be awesome and a great way to receive support and guidance. If you are not sure where you can find an ED therapist, the NEDA Helpline is here to help! If you call 1-800-931-2237 a representative will help you find resources in your area!

Also, another great resource to not feel alone as you work on recovery is the NEDA Navigator program! Navigators are volunteers who have experience recovering from an ED. They provide you with free, private support and advice for any concern you might have. They are sort of like recovery buddies, always there to support and lend an ear! If you'd like to learn more, here is a great link!

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators

I hope this helps!! Stay strong!! You all can do this!!

BumbleBee
I have the same issue, lately

Find distractions to keep your mind off of purging, my favorite (back when I have more control) was watching a 1 hour long TV episode, by the time the show was over I couldn't even purge. journaling is great, listening to music, taking a walk with your boyfriend, calling or skyping a friend, painting your nails (would;t want to wreck your nail polish!) play with a pet, go for a coffee, youtube comedians, do yoga (this might not be great if you feel bloated), clean, read a book, try new hair styles, knit or crochet.
I hope this can help, I'm in a similar situation and can't take my own advice but if it can help somebody it's all that matters!

michael26
Hi everyone!!!

Hi all!

I think we are having a great conversation on how to fight urges to purge. The skills that you guys have mentioned are really great and are awesome tools to use!

I do want to make sure that we remember the importance of medical care. If you are experiencing pain or other serious symptoms when you purge it is important you seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY. Purging causes dangerous damage to several body parts. I cannot stress enough that seeking a doctor is really important to do! If you are experiencing these serious symptoms please seek the services of an ER or other local hospital care.

Just wanted to say that to make sure everyone is safe and healthy!!

Jla16
Purging is really addictive.

Purging is really addictive. I use to hear about it all the time, and always thought how could people do that to themselves, and how dumb it is. I did it once, and now I do it at least once a day. It's like everytime I eat I just want to throw It all up. I don't know how to stop, and I'm worried that it's all I'm ever going to think about.

Peachgirl43
Want to purge

Hello all!

I just ate a normal size dinner and really want to purge !!!! I'm in eating disorder treatment and don't want to fail again. What r some things to do instead of purging ? What has worked for you? Thanks in advance !

Savedbygrace
Some suggestions

I would suggest journaling about why you want to purge. It will keep your hands busy and you'll learn something new about yourself. Or go on the national suicide prevention hotline online and chat or the RAINN website and chat online to keep your fingers busy. Maybe text someone you know and trust and let them know what's going on. Maybe go to a pet store with really cute animals that you can pet. Listen to music and singing as loud as you can. Play with playdough or a game on the computer. I like the game flowers. I'm kind of in the same boat myself right now. I just finished dinner.

Peachgirl43
Savedbygrace

Hey!
Thanks for the suggestions meal time is hard.. sorry ur in the same boat . I think I'm gonna reach out and talk to someone . All of your suggestions were great. I notice that I feel bad for eating no matter what I eat. Sick so sick of the guilt .what ru doing now?

Savedbygrace
Right now

I am at home with my husband now. Our kitty is SOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!! She's making mooing sounds and meowing because we're messing with her in a playful way. She sleeps most of the time and meows if you pick her up. She also makes sounds like a car engine. We love our baby fur girl :-). When I'm at home alone with her, she jumps on the couch and falls asleep with her head on my lap and starts purring.
How are you doing now?