National Eating Disorders Association

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binging after anorexia

Back in September I was hospitalized for anorexia and received treatment for 2 months. once I was released from the program, I still had minor setbacks on the daily but was ultimately stable in weight and was keeping on track. however, in January when I went to a check in at the hospital, I saw that I had gained weight from Christmas and I relapsed. Now, it's May and I have been really determined to stay on track but it has been getting more difficult and I weighed myself the other day and saw I am at the weight I pretty much was at when I stopped eating. lately, I have been binging and feel so out of control and unhappy with myself and I don't know how to go back on a steady path without completely relapsing again and being in a bad mindset.

Hit Me Like a Mack Truck

I am 47yrs. Began my struggle with Anorexia at 15, hospitalized at 31, struggled with cycles of relapses until I was 35. I met my beloved husband and I was good...healthy. My trigger is abandonment so with a man that loved me and continues to love me unconditionally, I just was really unaware of what was happening until yesterday. Three and a half years ago I began experiencing loss, death of my step-dad, 7mo later my brother, a job, spiritual leaders, and recently a best friend. To add to this was guilt and shame as I watched my daughter also go down the road of anorexia/bulimia. Then this Covid isolation. During all this time I was steadily gaining weight, I thought it was my hypothyroidism and to be honest I do not have a below the breast mirror in my house (subcontious decision really) so I had not seen myself and just how bad it had gotten. I was at my mum's and she has full length mirrors and I was astonished! My mum took the opportunity to share her concerns over my weight and said to me "Nicki, I don't think that you ever fixed the core issue with your eating and it is getting out of hand on the other end." She is right. I have gotten on the phone to arrange psychotherapy as I desperately need help. I am on this stupid app for eating but I am angry at it, I don't want to feel this guilt for eating...I don't like the feeling of hunger I had 20 years of it...and I feel it is pointless to add to my shame before I am in a safe space to help with the core issue. I am so angry, not at myself, I need to be compassionate there but at the situation. I am angry and frustrated.

Dear NickiB

We are sorry to hear you are struggling and wanted to leave some resources for you. Our confidential NEDA Helpline can be reached at 800.931.2237 M-Th 11am-9pm ET and F 11am-5pm ET. You can also chat with us online M-Th9am-9pm ET and F 9am-5pm ET. Our trained volunteers and staff can assist you with finding other resources and support in your area. Stay well and take care!


NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.