National Eating Disorders Association

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Wife Has Bolemia

Im struggling with recently being told my wife has Belemia. She apparently had this problem the entire time we were dating and throughout our marriage now. I left home for college two days after she told me this. I came across some prescription pills and she then fessed up to me this stuff was taking place.

She is now looking for help here. But we are far from big cities in the arctic. She is struggling with this and I am in a position where I am supposed to support all of this. Its pretty messed up. I sometimes get upset because I control most bad things in life by creating barriers to stop them from taking place. Ive had a rough upbringing and have done well to avoid making mistakes twice. Now Im finding that I have no control over this.

Im not familiar with this disease and or what works for treatment or what doesnt. Im not familiar with anything really. I watched a couple of BBC documentaries the other day and read a quick article. I just cant grasp how someone does this to themselves continuously.

I am caught between thinking about myself and the shit that goes along with all the lying and trying to be the supportive person that Im expected to be. I want her to take time off work and just go to rehab or something. She says she wants to get cognitive behavioral therapy and medication. I am in mid semester 8 hours away in college. I am having a tough time dealing with mood swings and things via the phone. Today she said she was looking to break up and go back home across the country.

Things are not working out very well.

Does anyone know of online therapy or bigger networks that I can recommend for her to seek out help. We dont have anything way up here.

Hi hmmmm,

First of all, I'd like to welcome you to the NEDA forums. We have a supportive and encouraging community here, and I'm glad you found us.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's eating disorder. It's a difficult disease to deal with, for both the patient and their loved ones. It's completely normal that you're overwhelmed by this recent news. It seems like you're willing to stick with her through getting treatment though, and that is wonderful to hear. When someone is suffering from a disease such as bulimia, they need a great support system, and in the case of your wife, that includes you.

I know you said you lived in a remote area, but it seems like couple's therapy might be a good way to open up to one another. Although you're currently in college further away, perhaps this is something you could try when you guys are together? Additionally, I would strongly encourage your wife to seek the care of an ED specialist. If you call the NEDA helpline at 1-800-931-2237, they would be able to point you to treatment closest to your area or help you find it. There's a possibility this might involve your wife attending a residential program, but you will have to see.

There are a couple of other threads on this forum that deal with wives/girlfriends having an eating disorder. A lot of people have posted their advice, and supportive comments about how to get through this difficult time together. You should take a read through them.

Please let your wife know about these forums and direct her to the NEDA Navigators page ( She can be paired up with a volunteer who has completed recovery for an ED and they will be there to answer any of her questions, and to serve as a listening ear.

Don't lose faith, and stay strong! Let us know if there is anything we can do for you and keep us updated.

-sj728, NEDA volunteer