National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
THE WALK!!!!!!!

Wow!!! What an extraordinary day. I was involved in my third NEDA walk. You guys really need to go on one. They are awesome. Today's was in Belle Mead NJ and my Mom drove me and walked with me. It was a small gathering, very intimate. There was a lot of sharing and I was able to engage with a lot of people. One mother and her family were mourning the loss of their daughter two years ago today. And they went on the walk in honor of her. I and my Mom were able to pray with her and offer encouragement. One thing is this is a very dangerous and lethal illness. It can cause death. Many people do die. So that is why it is so important to stay connected to people who can help support you and help you on your journey.

I am feeling so blessed right now. Cleared things up with my sisters. I bought this really pretty blue dress for my nieces wedding. My sisters don't know, I want to surprise them. They sent out 88 texts to each other yesterday. Showing their dresses and stuff. I showed the one I was going to wear, but this new one:)))) WOW!!!!

Please know that no matter how long you have suffered, and how ill you have been or are, recovery is possible. There were several times I almost dies. I wanted to. Now, thirty or so years later, I am ready and have already have been freed from the death grip the eating disorder had on me. Too long. Way too long. But, little by little I made forward steps, and finally got to the point where I truly wanted recovery. And then some real work began. Today I am happier than I have been in a long time. I am not suffering from major depression as I did most of my life. Still deal with a lot of anxiety though. I have what is called dysthymia. A constant low grade depression that I have had all my life. But I am able to do so much more than I ever have before. My sisters don't know the new me. But they will. If they still want to remain distant that is okay too. The one I am finding out works two jobs, a labor and delivery nurse in California, one of the best. I am not just saying that. She adopted four girls from China and one has autism. She has two grown children of her own. Adopted children need a lot of encouragement and support. She has severe pain in her neck and needs a triple fusion. She refuses to get that done. She works thirteen hours a day most days. Then she comes home and gets the kids ready for bed and she cooks and cleans and then falls into bed to start all over again the next day, so she really doesn't have time to talk much, or have friends and I judged her. She explained some of this to me and my Mom filled me in on some. My other sister who rarely talks with me, suffers from serious pain as a doctor caused her to have a spinal cord injury resulting in RSD. A debilitating and painful thing to deal with. She just tries to make it though the day taking care of her children. Two younger ones two in college or graduate school. My other sister rarely comes out of her room, suffers from a severe disabling disease. She has cluster migraines that last for days at a time. She suffered abuse from her husbands and other men. She also had her child taken away from her when he was two, the father got custody even though he didn't have a job and was a serious drug addict. She never recovered from that. Today he is over twenty and she thought when he turned eighteen, he would come and live with her, but he hasn't spoken or communicated with her in many months.

My other sister, four in all, was an abusive mother, sister and daughter. As a family we needed to protect ourselves from her and we had to tell her until you get the help you need we are no longer going to interact with you. She refuses to get help. It may seem mean but she is and can be dangerous. So, as painful as it is, she is not part of the family right now.

This is how I grew up and lived into my adulthood, sisters being abused by men, and sickness. I also developed anorexia at fifteen and spent the next thirty years in hospitals and programs and therapy.

So I am excited for them to see the new me. Able to eat whatever I want without fear, in a form fitting dress, never done that before, and accepting my new body. I really look good in that dress!!!!

I am sorry this is so long and I am not even sure why I am putting this out there. I just know that no matter what family situations you come from, healing can take place, and for me, I have decided today to close the door to that past, with God's help, and surrender the pain, the memories, the rejection, the perceived rejection, and put it at Jesus feet and will not look back but ahead towards the future God has planned out for me since before time began. And I am excited.

Thank you for anyone who lasted through this and I consider this forum to be like a family. The care shown, the support given, the encouragement, and love that comes from all of you is so amazing. Take care and good night.
iwanttolive

julesthefox
You are so strong and so

You are so strong and so brave. I'm sooo happy for you that you were able to find a beautiful dress! I can't wait for them to see the looks on their faces when they see how beautiful and confident you are! You have come so far and have a lot to be proud of. You are such an amazing inspiration to us here on the forums. Your voice of continued perseverance in recovery keeps the hope alive. I'm glad you were able to be there for others at the walk as well. You are truly a gift of hope and love.
I don't know how others feel, but it means so much to me that you see us as family. It shows how much you care...and that means the world. I care so much for you and have been amazed to see the fantastic journey you have been on. You keep going and getting stronger every day. I will always be here for you, we all will, if there comes a day you need support. That's what families are for; and our forum family is no different. You should be so proud of the amazing person you are and all you've overcome. Thank YOU for all your amazing words and support. Glad you're doing well tonight<3
Lots of love
Julesthefox

chunkymonkey68
Thank you for the Insight to help us understand you better

You are a beautiful writer, and always respond to others w/ so much spirituality and mindfulness. You are a role model writer here for me. Your recovery is adored as are you.

lovetowrite81
Iwanttolive

Thank you so much for sharing with us! The walk sounds like such an incredible experience. I am so excited for you about the new dress you bought- I am sure it will look amazing on you! So proud of you for how far you've come and all of the work that God is continuing to do in and through you. As always, thank you for sharing your life with us, the victories and struggles, and pouring into this community <3 This is truly a family and such a blessing.