National Eating Disorders Association

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hermione3
Vacation and eating disorder

On vacation with my family. It's difficult still like a mix of good and bad. I have been so depressed it's hard to really enjoy anyway and my parents are a trigger. My therapist told me to journal at least once every day and rate my depression like 1-10 so she can gauge it. I wasn't validated but we talked and she was like no not at all you are validated I know you are so depressed. It was a good session she was happy I told her how I felt. She wishes there was an easy way out and she knows I don't have the reserves to do the work but I have to keep my weight up and just keep trying and not giving up. She doesn't want me to have to go inpatient. I have to talk to my psychiatrist more too about the ECT stuff. This depression is just sucking everything from me and I hate vacation because I can't restrict. Even though everyone says that makes me worse depressed wise. My therapist says I just have to try to find positives somewhere and do the opposite of what I think because right now my thoughts are wrong. Like don't eat I should say eat. It's hard but I have to do some work or I am just going to stay depressed...

iwanttolive
hermione3

Hi there, I can really relate to what you are saying about vacations with family with an active eating disorder. When I was really bad and recovering from surgery, my mom took me on a cruise. It was awful because of the overabundance of food. EVERYWHERE.

I am sorry you are struggling so much with the depression. I too can understand how it sucks the life out of you. Kinda feel like walking is quicksand. And family together also produces its own bag of issues. My family are going about an hours drive for my nieces wedding, and my sister from California is coming. I am on the east coast she on the west. I have no idea who I am going to share a room with me at the hotel. I will probably get a room for myself as my sisters don't really accept me and it would be uncomfortable.

I had two rounds of ECT. I had no adverse reactions to it. It is scary but am being told there was a noticeable difference in my mood. They have you completely sedated. It isn't like what you see in the movies.

As far as the eating, just think of it as medicine. Yea I know you heard that a million times. But it is true. You have been struggling for a long time but I see in you perseverance, dedication, a willingness to get better and these all work for you. I am glad things got cleared up with your therapist and you. I hope some of this helped, just knowing and having a response is so helpful when I post. I wish you a peaceful night. Take care, iwanttolive

hermione3
Thank you so much for the

Thank you so much for the support. It is hard to be active in my eating disorder and away I have been here before in my eating disorder and on vacation but it sucks every time. I hate depression it is like being in quicksand. I have to talk more to my psychiatrist about the ECT business it's scary I know different then movies but hard to not think that way. My therapist is being wonderful as we talked yesterday and it was helpful. I journaled yesterday my depression was less but vacation is not a cure. I wish you luck with your situation.

hermione3
I feel I am eating so much

I feel I am eating so much and gaining so much weight...but yet worried when I get home I won't keep up my weight and need a higher level of care or ECT treatments because of depression I fear being hospitalized for psych reasons just so much in my head I am so fearful of home and not doing what I am supposed to do because of depression

lovetowrite81
Hermione3

I can totally understand how difficult the vacation must be, given your family situation being such a stressor. You definitely give a good metaphor to depression-- like quicksand. That definitely resonates with me. I'm glad you got to speak with your therapist & have been able to continue journaling! I'm also proud of you for eating and nourishing yourself despite the fear of gaining weight. You are doing what you can to cope in this moment. I would encourage you not to worry too much about the future & just keep doing what you can right now, in the present-- and it seems like you are seeking support and doing what you can in this difficult setting. We're here for you, keep us posted <3

hermione3
Thanks for the support I get

Thanks for the support I get home tomorrow so back to normal. I fear the vacation crash I want to talk to my therapist but she has been sick... we were supposed to touch base but have only done so once. It's not as much support as I thought I would have. I am to journal everyday and rate depression it has been 6 or 7 out of 10 usually by the end of the night my mood sort of crashes. Home is what I fear most just not keeping up weight and all the worry of higher level of care...

lovetowrite81
Hermione3

Hi Hermione3-
Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing after returning from vacation? Hope to hear from you soon <3

emem293
Hermione3,

Hermione3,

I'm glad you can find such great support through the forum. It's wonderful to see others helping each other out. The NEDA helpline is another way to get support/resources :). (800) 931-2237