National Eating Disorders Association

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hopefornewnorm
Trying to be healthy in body and mind

I am a young teenager and I have been anorexic for almost 3 years. It scares me of what permanent damage I might have already done to myself, and it has been since I first became anorexic. Though I know how harmful eating disorders are, it is so hard to get rid of it because under the eating disorder lies all of the sadness and memories that caused me to develope it in the first place. To loose the eating disorder, I know that I must confront the sadness and memories and learn to overcome them. I had been having thoughts about trying to end the eating disorder, but it is hard to decide to end it when the illness is psychological and in your head is telling you that it is good for you, that you must try everything to keep starving yourself.

In the past few months, something has happened that has made me see clear again. A girl that I knew from school who had always been somewhat overweight looking began loosing weight very fast. She became thin and tiny. She gets uncomftorble around food and she hardly eats now.This scared me, as I know where she is going and I think that I understand how she is feeling. To watch someone beautiful, someone strong and independent and smart fall into an eating disorder and become so weak and outcasted makes me horrified. And I imagine that this is how my friends and family must feel about me. And I feel awful for making them so sad, for risking my own life, and I vow to never fall into those patterns of starving again. I force myself to eat a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day and to eat snacks when I feel hungry. I am slowly gaining weight and I let myself think no negative thoughts about this progress. I am getting stronger, happier, and healthier. I have more confidence and am making new friends. My loved ones and family have noticed and are very happy and proud of me.

It feels so great to gain my own self back, and to be in control. Control found not by starving myself to control my weight, but by choosing to be healthy, and to find my life again.

eghall
What a great message!

Dear hopefornewnorm,

What a great perspective your message gives! You are an inspiration! It can be so scary to face the emotions and issues behind an eating disorder. However, your experience of watching your schoolmate suffer puts a different spin on things. It's amazing how we can see such beauty in others but it's hard to find in ourselves.

I love your determination, your positivity and, most of all, your VOW to yourself! I'm so happy you left the false sense of control behind and have gained real control of your life.

Thank you so much for sharing your story on this forum!