National Eating Disorders Association

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hermione3
Trying and vacation

My therapist told me the other day I sound more like I am actually trying then how I sounded before which was hopeless and like I had given up this was a phone session so she couldn't see me but said my voice sounds different. She said she knows I am still struggling not to invalidate my feelings but I am giving more effort to recovery she said give up days are ok too but I need more trying days to stay out of inpatient. I am trying and am on my second vacation and trying to enjoy it as best I can food wise as well I said my last vacation I ate how I wanted not ED she said that was huge and a big thing for me as I never do that. I am worried about weight gain on vacation but trying to not focus on it. Sorry if I can't offer so much support right now I am just trying to keep my head above water but I thank you all for continued support.

iwanttolive
hermione3

Hi there. First, do not worry about giving feed back as others will and you are correct in stating you need to take care of yourself before you can help others. It seems as if you are making forward steps, but I also understand that can be scary. It is the difficult dilemma most of us face when we choose recovery. I will pray for you on vacation. You are taking some great risks and you are handling them well. I know there is that fear involved in who am I without the eating disorder, really wanting to give it up but being afraid of the weight gain. That is really normal. But if you look back on how you have been feeling and test out how you feel in recovery, that will help guide you in where and which direction you want to move in. You sound motivated. You are doing a great job. Keep us posted on how your vacation goes.
With care,
iwnattolive

hermione3
Thanks for the support my

Thanks for the support my vacation is going well so far. I ate fast food for the first time in years and got what I wanted to get not my usual safe meal. I am trying like my therapist told me more trying days then give up days which she said are ok too just less but I was near giving up and near inpatient like no room for anymore weight loss and my mentality was so bad she knows it's not great yet but she knows I just want to feel better she hasn't given up on me yet she said she doesn't want to lose me either.

iwanttolive
hermione3

Wow!!! You sound like a different person. You sound like you have some Hope. That is truly amazing. I am happy for you. I know it is not easy, but you are determined. I am glad also that your therapist is so encouraging and helpful to you. I will say a prayer for you that the rest of your vacation continues to go well.
A "friend", iwanttolive

hermione3
Thanks I think vacation with

Thanks I think vacation with a friend helps a bit and my phone session with my therapist was very supportive and encouraging she is pushing me I know for the best she wants it for me too.its not easy and my therapist knows I am not better but am trying and she told me she can tell the difference in me in my voice. My given up voice was pretty much there last week and for some months now. My therapist said I just have to try I am I an doing the work part she said. I am getting medically checked out next week I just hope I don't weigh too much after vacation eating ...