National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
Trust and hope

Hi there,

As most of you who read what post, you understand that I have been going through a particularly difficult time. What I want to also say that I am handling things so much different than I ever have in the past. If I knew I wouldn't be driving for months, that I couldn't work, and that I would be ill, not psychologically but physically, that caused me to crash my car, and weak, and so on, I would have freaked out and probably wound up back in the hospital. If you read what I posted there was an intensity to my emotions and despair and fear. I have been able for the most part deal with the loss of all these things because I am putting my faith and trust in God like never before. It is because of Him that I can say, I want to live. For so long all I could think about obsessively was that I wanted to die. For most of my life that was my mantra. Now I want to be able to share my story, His story, the good the bad and the ugly. If I only share the good, I am not being real and no one would be able to relate to me. I can say, I've been through that, I understand. Scripture says to help others with the things you've been through.

I am beginning to feel a little better. Things with my sister are fair. But one thing I KNOW is that I do not want to go back to before. Constantly fearful of even a bite of some type of food. Fear of food, fear of family gatherings, the desperation of HAVING to exercise even though it was harming me and all I said was I am fine, I have to exercise and I am okay. But the anxiety of getting caught, I'd walk early in the morning but some friend of my father would see me and tell my father and I would get a talking to.

Now I have to exercise, strength training because my body has been ill. And I am tired and don't feel like it, not even being able to walk or stand for long.

What I do know is that when all is said and done, I give the praise and glory to Jesus my Savior because He doesn't waste anything we go through.

I am happy to say that I am still symptom free, my scale has shattered, and I have made big strides. I do have difficult periods, as I am now having but I am different. I do not have the same need for the eating disorder that I did for over thirty years. That is a lifetime. But it has lost its grip on me, ED. NO MORE. I thank those who have been praying for me and who have shared and communicated with me. I really appreciate it. "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me". I will not die but live and declare the works of the Lord. Thanks for reading this long post. I care about all of you and want you to know that recovery IS possible.

redfoxgal
iwanttolive

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! And so happy! It's wonderful to know that recovery IS possible, and I have been thinking a lot about you lately. I am so glad that things are going better, it's not easy. But nothing bad lasts forever. It comes in waves and it's okay to feel upset. It just means you're feeling and living and working in recovery. I am so proud of your strength, your motivation, and your willpower. Don't give in to the thoughts, you haven't come this far to make it this far(stealing that quote for now). My mantra recently has been "this shall pass." And it will. I believe in you, this won't last forever, and this pain will pass so you can live in recovery. Have faith and love, and I continue to pray for your recovery :)