National Eating Disorders Association

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Ladybug0805
Today

Woke up struggling today. Just really down on myself. I thought I would talk to my family for support since my therapy was cancelled today but that only led to them yelling at me about what I need to do. They don't understand and I don't know how to guide them to the proper information to help them understand me and ED better. I want to be OK but they don't understand.....I was told I need to get off my pitty party. Just not sure what to do at this point.

Savedbygrace
I'm so sorry...

I'm really sorry about how your family reacted. You are free to feel however you want. My mom never believed I ever had an eating disorder until I had recently been relapsing. I was also always told not to lie about being suicidal in high school when I was.
That being said, I'm sorry you're hurting. Here's a hug through the internet (((((((((((hugs))))))))).

Ladybug0805
Thank You

Thank you so much! They just think it's as easy as making myself eat and drink. Thanks for the hug through the Internet. Sending one back to you!

Savedbygrace
You're welcome

Not a problem:-).

dropthemetaphor
re: Today

Hey Ladybug0805, I'm so sorry to hear how your family reacted when you tried to confide in them about your ED. I can really relate to how you're feeling--my parents and siblings were really baffled when I told them about mine and said all the wrong things at first, ranging from ignorant to plain hurtful. They had no idea what to do with it, so eventually they just ignored it for the most part. I really wish they had tried to educate themselves about ED at the very least--my opinion is that unless they've been there themselves, friends and fam can never truly empathize with what we go through, but knowledge is power in so many ways.

I saw that you are looking for information that might help your family understand what you're going through, so I just wanted to share a few links that might be helpful (most of these are just from the "Learn" tab at the top of this website--https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn--there's lots more there that's worth perusing if you just feel like sending everyone one simple link!):

General info: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/general-information. Just the basics about EDs for those who don't know much about them.

For Family and Friends: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/family-and-friends. Great webpage for your fam to peruse, lots of helpful links.

Parent Toolkit: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit. Not just for parents, but rather anyone who wants to understand more about how to support a family member or friend affected by an eating disorder.

Hang in there and keep us posted! We're here for you!

Ladybug0805
dropthemetaphor

Thank you so much for the information. I will pass it on to my family. Hopefully it will be enough to help them realize what they should and should not say and do. I took them to a therapy session with me one day because I was feeling so low and was hoping that my therapist could get through to them. At this time they were talking about things that were very triggering to me. My therapist suggested that they don't give attention to the disorder by telling me when to eat and what to eat and yelling when I would restrict. My family disagrees and says that they can't just stand by and watch and they are going to yell. I'm fighting hard for recovery but some days I just do not have much fight left in me.

Thank you again for all of the suggested information. I am definitely going to pass the info on in the morning! Thank you for being there. Sometimes I forget that there are those who understand.

dropthemetaphor
re: dropthemetaphor

Of course! We all get it here. I'm so glad that your family was open to attending a therapy session with you—that's definitely a step in the right direction.

Yeah, it seems so easy from the outside: “Just eat!” It's so hard for family to understand what's going on when they love us and want to help, but feel totally helpless (because in a lot of ways, they are, beyond providing support). Relinquishing that desire to “fix” ED (when only we can) is a really difficult process for a lot of people, especially partners and parents (I'm not 100% sure what type of family you're referring to in your posts, but you might also consider directing them to check out the Partners/Spouses or Parents forums here—there are lots of great threads going on that might provide some comfort and guidance for them as well).

Please do share the resources and peruse the rest of the site—it's a total treasure trove of excellent myth-busting information about EDs. I'm hoping that once your family members familiarize themselves with what it means to live inside an ED, they may be more sympathetic to what you and your therapist are telling them. And maybe if you can work together to develop some approaches /support methods that are actually helpful (or at least not harmful) to you, that will open their eyes to why these other tactics (yelling at you, etc.) are useless, or in some cases even detrimental to your recovery.

Above all, remember (and don't be afraid to tell them): You didn't choose to have an ED. This is a mental illness that is not your fault, and you are fighting it the best you can. I'm really proud of you for seeking support through the forums and continuing the fight for recovery. Also wanted to share a lil bit of hope—I'm currently 3.5 years into recovery completely symptom-free. It's possible! I believe in you! You're vast and brilliant! Stay strong and keep us posted.

Ladybug0805
Thank You

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement and for sharing with me that you are 3.5 years in recovery. I am 37 years old and have battled this for the better part of my life. I am so unsure of everything especially how I am supposed to get to the point of recovery but this forum has helped me to see that it is within reach. I'm not quite sure why I expect my partner to understand when I myself do not quite understand what is going on or why I am struggling so bad fighting ED. I want more than anything to be able to say that I am in recovery but it's hard to think that point is within my reach when I feel so worthless when I do the things that I need to do in order to be healthy. It's a one day at a time thing I guess. Maybe I'm trying to look too far ahead!

lovetowrite81
Ladybug0805

Hi Ladybug0805,

Just wanted to let you know I have been following your posts & have been thinking of you. I am glad that you are holding onto the hope that recovery IS possible & within reach- I too have been behavior free for a bit over 2 years now, and several years ago could not fathom how I would get to the point where I was not restricting or binging. And here I am! I believe you will reach a point of stable recovery as well- and truly admire your persistence to keep fighting ED.

I agree that it is such a great mindset to take things one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. Recovery is an ongoing process with so many ups and downs, and you will get there. Try to be gentle with yourself.

Do you have any updates on your family? I know how hard it can be when others are not understanding or supportive. Please keep us posted <3

-Lovetowrite81

Ladybug0805
Lovetowrite81

Hello there! Thank you for your words of encouragement! It gives me great faith knowing that the two of you have had such success in recovery. I will think I am doing really well and then have a hiccup along the way and when I do that I just feel like I have completely failed. When I allow the healthy part of me take control, I am able to realize that the bumps in the road are normal and that recovery is not linear but when ED has control I just feel worthless.

Things with my family are still difficult. I understand that it is because they love me and worry about me and want to do what they can to help me but I just wish that I could make them understand how one small thing can trigger ED. They just don't understand. I am hoping that they will really read some of the information that I have passed along and maybe even explore this website some. This past weekend I had a friend refer to me as a certain size. He said hey there _____ girl! I absolutely shut down and could not handle it and my partner could not understand why I was so upset and thinking bad of myself. I can't do anything to make them understand it. I will continue to push on though and work one moment at a time towards recovery and it's people like you all that help me do it!

Thanks Again!

lovetowrite81
Ladybug0805

Hi Ladybug0805,

That totally makes sense- ED has a way of becoming all-consuming and making it extremely difficult to see out of that mindset. Even if we know and understand that setbacks are going to come with the recovery process. I am glad you are able to step back and come to recognize that it doesn't mean you have failed. You are continuing to press on forward towards recovery and I am so proud of you for that.

It is so difficult when family is not understanding. I'm really hoping they will take the time to look further into the resources you've given them. That is really upsetting about your friend's comment as well. Have you told him how that made you feel or affected you? Comments about other peoples' body/appearance are really not okay in any capacity and like you said, can be more triggering to those with ED than others will ever realize. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you truly know that regardless of what is said or even how you perceive yourself or your body, that is not where your worth lies. You have been created flawlessly for an unique purpose in this world. You are valued. You are loved. And you are worthy of recovery.

Keep pressing on & keep us posted <3

-Lovetowrite81

Ladybug0805
lovetowrite81

Thank you so much....for everything...for all of your words. Last night I had another friend says something to me that was degrading and judgemental of size and it really really shut me down. I truly needed to hear the things you said to me. Thank you for reminding me that I am loved and valued and that I am worthy of recovery. Sometimes I forget that I have a purpose in this world. I've survived a lot of trauma that would have been too much for some...I can only hope that nothing thus far has taken me because I am still meant to be here.....there must be some greater purpose!

lovetowrite81
Ladybug0805

Hi Ladybug0805,

Of course! I am so sorry to hear that happened to you again last night. That must have been so hurtful. But I am glad you are able to be reminded of truth- that you are loved and here for a reason. See Savedbygrace's post ^^^. God is FOR you in all of this. He sees you, knows you by name, and calls you cherished <3

-Lovetowrite81

Ladybug0805
Thank You

Thank you so much! I appreciate you!

Savedbygrace
Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future. "

Savedbygrace
Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future. "

Ladybug0805
Thank You

Thank you so much! I hope that you are doing well!