National Eating Disorders Association

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Melissaah
talk with my husband

I finally got the courage to talk to my husband again about my eating disorder. I took him to a therapy session a few weeks ago and he hasn't really brought it up since. Other than the occasional letting me know he's there . He told me he doesn't bring it up because he figured I was already embarrassed by it and he didn't want to make it worse. Now I don't know how dumb this is because I know it's totally against my ED... I told him I rather him say something because when he doesn't it makes me feel like he doesn't care. Even if it does embarrasses me. Now my ED is saying great now you're not going to get away with anything and that I should have just let him ignore the situation. I just hope this was a good idea.

PianoGirl
You're right - this sounds

You're right - this sounds like it took a *lot* of courage! It makes sense that being so open worries you. It seems like EDs often thrive on secrecy, so yeah, you're taking a solid step towards recovery by doing this. Of course it's scary and hard. But I have also found when I'm scared and uncomfortable, I'm working hard and making lots of progress. It sounds like the same thing might apply to you.

Good luck! Lots of exciting things happen right outside our comfort zone! :)

_admin_moderator
Congrats! This is a step in

Congrats! This is a step in the right direction. Having supportive figures is always a good thing to have. Can’t wait to see how you progress from here.

kansasgirl
Way to go!

I can totally relate to this. I am bulimic, and I stopped cold turkey about 7 years ago (when I was 26) after my husband found out. I was really embarrassed that he knew, and used that embarrassment as motivation to stop. Unfortunately, I started again during a period of stress a few years later. I think my husband knows I started again, but doesn't want to embarrass me by talking to me about it directly. I'm trying to stop now--this time for good, I hope.
Congratulations on talking to your husband about this. That takes a lot of courage!

austenite
Congratulations

Congrats and well wishes to you and your husband, as hopefully the lack of secrets between you will only strengthen your relationship and give you confidence as an individual :)

Brody803
Im so glad you talked to him

Im so glad you talked to him again............It has to be so hard for them... if they say something we may think they are judging or on our are on our cases about it....If they dont say anything we think they dont care..........I honestly dont know how I want my husband to react ................I have found however all I have managed to do is be way more sneaky...........sigh...........When hes home i try super hard to not display my behaviors....so I find myself hurrying before he comes home, hiding things..... its just awful................

austenite
I know what that's like Brody

I know what that's like Brody. When I first told my boyfriend about having issues with eating disorders it was after a coworker approached him and asked him if I was ok, to his confusion. At first I told him I was fine, she has nothing to worry about, but she was actually right. I was relapsing. I broke down and told him. He looked at me and told me he didn't really know what eating disorder means. At first he was pretty understanding, but I guess he read into it or something since. Now he uses it as a threat to leave me if I display behaviors in front of him. I take it as a sign that he's just not mature enough and still doesn't really understand, and probably doesn't really deserve me all that much.

Brody803
austenite thats so sad.......

austenite thats so sad............. I agree though if he isnt supportinve you definitely dont need him......... Im not sure how I would react if my spouse told me the same info............ My husband is overweight and we would sit every evening and eat a ton together.the difference being he gained weight and i purged and lost.. (which at the time he thought it was because I eat so healthy all day and exercise daily)..now that he knows, he isnt eating at night anymore either................Not sure how much hes eating during the day! I dont ask him and he doesnt ask me!

Sja112
Suggestions?

Awesome job telling your husband whats going on, it was the right thing to do. I am in the same position with my husband and somedays im mad at myself for telling him because i dont get a away with everything id want to but other days im glad i did because i need help. Whats hard for us now is that he doesnt really know how to help me and i dont know what i need to do to help myself. We are kind of at a stand still. Any suggestions?

Brody803
sja112.i have no advice for

sja112.i have no advice for you yet..............i know every situation is different..........I am seeing my dr about my problem but there are no local therapists for me to go too... My husband is going to my dr appt this week so i will see if she has any advice... For now though Im NOT displaying my behaviors in front of him it was just too embarrassing so thats a plus.but ive gotten more sneaky............negative............. I guess we need to figure out what we want from them.... I just dont know what that is yet........

SilverDymphna
I know that NEDA has a

I know that NEDA has a Parents, Family and Friends Network. Maybe your husband can find some resources that he'd find useful there? http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-family-friends-network

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