National Eating Disorders Association

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missy33
Hey everyone. Hope alls going

Hey everyone. Hope alls going well this week. So I am going home this weekend and am already nervous just sitting in the airport. I am constantly reminding and seeing food all that I want to binge on. I am really nervous to because I know I will binge and I just am having a really bad week with body image. And I just feel everyone keeps staring at me like they know what's going on. I feel huge but this weekend is going to have me gain and feel worse about myself. I'm not really sure what to do...

eghall
You can do this

Hi Missy33 -

I'm sorry to hear you are nervous to go home, but I know that feeling all too well. Anytime I used to go home or was around my parents, it was a trigger for me. I've been recovered for a while now and those situations still hit me! Awareness is key in these situations. Remember when your ED rears its ugly head, it's actually an emotional response to being home. Remind yourself that the feelings you are having in the moment are situational and will pass.

As for the feeling that everyone is staring at you, that is purely Ed. Ed tells us that so we will do what he says. And, like everything else Ed says, it's a lie. Good luck this weekend! I know you can do it!

missy33
Thanks so much for the

Thanks so much for the encouragement eghall. I want to try not to binge but I feel I am going to eat more than I normally would. And I just want too. I don't necessarily want to binge but I want to be normal. Its just so hard. But I'm going to try really hard to enjoy home and not let ed take over too much. Thanks again!

michael26
Hey!

Hi Missy!

I read your posts from Friday and I wanted to see how you are doing? Were you able to get home safely?

No matter what happened I hope you know that I won't judge and certainly others here will not judge. If things went well, then great! We should reflect and see what led to this and what was helpful. If things were difficult, then there is no need for bad feelings. We can take it as a chance to learn and prepare for our next steps. Remember the oak tree?? We can grow stronger in times of adversity as well as times of celebration.

Hope all is well!

missy33
Hey Michael, thanks for

Hey Michael, thanks for checking in. And yes I made it home safely and I actually had a wonderful time being home. I did over eat though, but in the moment it was ok, because I was celebrating good times with friends and family. I did definitely gain weight and felt sick a lot and now that I am back at school after the weekend things have taken a negative turn and I find myself unable to control anything except my food intake. I despise how I look. And with what happened today I know I am going to just restrict because I cant handle things anymore..

michael26
The Truth to Seeing

Hey Missy!

How have you been since yesterday? Have you been able to complete your meal plan?

I'm sorry it has been rough since you came home! That certainly is not what we deserve. We deserve to feel confident and strong, but ED will always make us doubt these things. Have you ever tried to challenge these thoughts? I can help you do a thought challenge if you've never done a formal one before for ED thoughts.

Hope all is well!

missy33
Things are still pretty rough

Things are still pretty rough and I just am about ready to give up trying to beat ED. It is just time I need to control something and that I just think I need to restrict in order to be comfortable with myself again. I am just tired of trying to think I can beat this right now. I do have hope that eventually I will beat this, but not right now.
But what are though challenges?
How have you been doing?

michael26
Hope = Hold on, pain ends.

I'm sorry things are still rough! I know how tiring fighting can be... But that is why it is important to have a good means of support around us! There will be many times where we are very tired, but those are the times where others can be a crutch for us to lean on!

A thought challenge is where we take a fear thought such as "I won't be able to recover" or any fear we have and then we gather evidence that either supports or refutes the fear. We then rate 0-100 how likely we feel the fear will happen. Then when we have all the evidence we look at each and ask ourselves "Is this true or irrational?". You have to be honest with this step! A lot of the times, our evidence is irrational and we need to identify it as that... When we feel like we've addressed each piece of evidence we reevaluate our fear and see if it is more of something that prevents us from recover or not.

I know that probably sounds complicated, but I can give you an example if you would like!

Thanks for asking me how I am! It is going alright. I'm in the process of applying to graduate school, and I am unsure what degree program I should pursue... any ideas?

missy33
I like what hope stands for.

I like what hope stands for. and as for support, I just lost my biggest supporter, he isn't supporting me anymore so I have no desire to get better. The thought challenge definitely makes sense, and I may try it. right now I just cant get over that my biggest supporter isn't there for me and that I just am ready to give up and just restrict until I lose weight.
And that is so exciting about grad school! congrats :) what did you major in in college? or what are you interested in in pursuing? I am doing psychology in undergrad right now and really enjoy that and hope to one day pursue more with that in grad school next year! :)

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