National Eating Disorders Association

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Staying positive to help my fiance

Hello, my name is Derek. My fiance told me a few days ago that she struggles with inducing vomiting. She is also extremely self-conscious about her self-image and has been for a while. A few months ago, she tried a different method, but finally stopped when they weren't working. I'm really struggling with this issue for a few reasons:

She didn't tell me about this method she was using until I found one and questioned her about it.
She didn't tell me about inducing vomiting until I was talking with her and it slipped out, and again I questioned it.

According to her, she's only been doing it for a few months, and not every day. This really concerns me, because even though I believe it to only be the early stages of bullimia, she is already getting urges to induce vomiting. She hasn't reached the point where her body will not keep down food, but I am extremely concerned that she is going to get to that place quickly.

The thing I am struggling with is that I want to help her, and she seems to want to find help, but she doesn't want to pay money for it, and she wants her friend to be the one to help her. I am going to give her the ED hotline tonight, but am afraid she will not seek help. I know I can't force her into this, but it greatly concerns me, especially looking forward to our future together.

Many times, my concern comes out as anger(or at least I feel it does). She knows she's harming herself, but still refuses to stop, and I get so frustrated, sometimes starting a fight. This is NOT how a relationship should be!! Does anyone going through helping their partner/friend with bulimia have this issue? What are some tips for staying calm when the issue arises? I want to help my fiance, I want her to stop harming herself, and I want her to feel comfortable in her body, but it seems like there's no way for me, personally, to help her.

After looking around the site, I believe her to not have bulimia, but instead Purging Disorder. I'm told they're very similar, just no binge eating like is seen in Bulimia.

Thanks for posting. And I'm

Thanks for posting. And I'm sorry to hear that your fiance is suffering so. I'm no health professional, but I know from experience that Eating Disorders can be really tough to deal with; as you already know, they can also affect those closest to those suffering. Good looking out finding the helpline. You can actually call it yourself and talk to a trained volunteer who could probably give you some good ways for handling the situation.
NEDA also has this tool kit:
It may say parent tool kit but it's really for everyone. You might find some good info there.
There's also:
Which has some good advice.
Best of luck man. And keep us updated if you like.

Hi nri-tumbleweed

Hi nri-tumbleweed,

Thank you for using the NEDA forums for support! We are so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your fiance right now and want you to know that you are not alone in this process! We just wanted to let you know that a small portion was edited and deleted in order to adhere with our community guidelines ( Please continue posting for support!