National Eating Disorders Association

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Kysmom
This is so scary

My daughter was admitted to inpatient on New Year's Eve. I didn't realize how bad she was. I thought if I made dietary changes like taking out certain foods that way she could eat and things would be better but she never gained weight . Now that she's in inpatient she wants out and is very angry with me because I won't help her . I feel so bad for what my kid . She feels like I'm abandoning her and it makes me sick.
The inpatient is two hours away and there are no partial or IOP where we live . She's already talking about how she's going to start small with food when she gets home. She's 16.
Someone please give me hope. I don't want to bury my child

Kysmom

kelsey207
Hi Kysmom,

Welcome to the forums! It certainly sounds like you're dealing with a difficult situation; please know that you aren't alone. Many people on this forum can relate to what you're going through. Remember that recovery is possible. It can be a long road with ups and downs, but it is possible. I recommend reading NEDA's Stories of Hope if you need something to lift you up: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/stories-of-hope .

Don't forget to take care of yourself, as well. If you have questions or concerns about your daughter's treatment, or if she tells you things that concern you (like what you mentioned above regarding what she wants to do after she finishes inpatient), you can talk to your daughter's treatment team. Maintaining communication between you, your daughter, and her team can help things go smoothly. It sounds like you're scared and upset, and that's understandable given the circumstances. It is scary, but there is hope.

Here are some NEDA resources that may be of use to you:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-family-friends-network

Please feel free to post here anytime you need support. We're here for you and we wish you and your family the best!

GlennW
Sorry for what you are going through

Our son is much older, but many things are similar. We felt so terrified and helpless. Sufferers will tell you what you want to hear to avoid the treatment, but for the most part, I think they need that structure of an inpatient stay to make progress. Our son spent one week in hospital, and told us he could do this alone, but that did not work out. She may be the unhappy with you but remember that is the ED talking. After 8 weeks in program our son has made a lot of progress that he never would of made otherwise. Hope she hangs in there and gets through the program

2Joy2love
Kysmom

Hi Kysmom.
It is so scary to find out your child has ED, even scarier when they tell you they need to be hospitalized. My daughter was 15 when we put her into an ED center. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was also one of the best things I have ever done. My daughter has told me that it saved her life. She is 17 and has been out of the center about 19 months. She is so much healthier. There are still struggles, and there are great times also. She has come a long way. We have both learned many skills and we are now trying to get her prepared for college. I know she is only a junior this year. We really want her to use her skills and push her comfort zone a bit while we are here to help her. There is hope and there is recovery. Just realize that it is a process, it does not just go away or get cured all at once or quickly. there will be setbacks. That is one thing that I did not realize at first until she about to leave the center and they told her she would mess up and not be perfect I was mortified that they were telling her that. Now I realize that they were right. Plus s lot of people with ED are perfectionist. My daughter is and it helped relieve some of that mentality that she did not have to be perfect. The big thing is that she keeps moving forward, keeps fighting the ED and that she talks and uses her skills.
There are some things I have learned on this journey and it is a journey. One is after my daughter had been at the center for about 4 weeks her brain started functioning better. Her mood got better and her skin was not pasty anymore. She was afraid of what her life would be like without the ED. Also I had to be careful to not get sucked into the ED black hole. ED was so consuming for my daughter and as I tried to help her, I felt myself getting sucked into the drama of ED, the angry out bursts, the lying, the hiding of food,, the stress of trying to keep her alive, I was so worried if I made a mistake she would get so much worst. It was so exhausting and overwhelming. I finally went to my own councilor and he helped me a lot. There was one thing he taught me that helped me a lot I tweaked it a little so it would help me more. I still say this to myself when my daughter does not make the best choices. "I did not cause it. I cannot control it, I cannot cure it, She can cope with the consequences. I am not her Savior."
I would highly recommend that you find your own councilor and please try to take care of yourself. Even 3 little things for yourself a day. I was struggling so much that I could not even do 1-2 things for myself a day. Simple things. Put on make up, read a book, watch the sunset. Please be kind to yourself. Realize that you cannot make the ED go away. You can support your daughter as she conquers Ed, but you can not do it for her.
I can tell that you love your daughter a lot. I hope that she gets healthier soon.
2joy2love