National Eating Disorders Association

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raedanjeude718
Slipping Up...

So, I have had issues with food since I was very young. A lot of it having to do with my mother having her own eating disorder and watching her as I grew up struggle with it. At 15, I took a total nose dive and became obsessed with losing weight. I would restrict and I would exercise. I am trying not to trigger anyone, so let's just say I became very, very unhealthy.

I struggled with recovery for a few years. I finally felt very much recovered by the time I hit 19 years old. Recovery has been amazing. It was hard at first, but being in recovery felt like heaven after years of hell.

I am now 25 years old. I am starting to feel myself slipping. I am starting up old habits I used to have before recovery. I am having to keep the scale taken away from me because I don't trust myself at the moment. My anxiety over my weight is back and it's not improving. I know that my approaching wedding in March is probably the trigger. I just don't know what to do. I have tried journaling my feelings. I have trie'd talking to my fiance about it, but it's hard to get him to understand. He tells me I am beautiful to him, etc. Then I snap and say I don't care about being skinny for anyone else. I want to be skinny for me." It's hard for me to explain to him why exactly I am having such issues with my weight right now. It came about so suddenly.

I see my psychiatrist on the 13th. I am a bit afraid to bring it up with my doctor. I will tell him, but until then I just want to crawl out of my skin. I am really afraid of diving back into all this and completely relapsing. I figured after 6 years of being in recovery I was okay, but I guess I was wrong.

Anyone have any thoughts, ideas, advice, etc.?

PianoGirl
You're definitely not alone

You're definitely not alone in slipping up, even after such a long period of being in recovery. It happens to everyone from time to time. Handling slip ups sooner rather than later and getting help can really help you get back on track, instead of beginning the vicious ED cycle anew. It seems like you are already doing both of those things, which I think is really strong and commendable!

It's hard to relapse, but don't think you're going backwards! It's just a learning experience, and it doesn't mean that you're not still in recovery. Good luck on the 13th!

torib23
Hi raedanjeude718,

First of all, congratulations on both your engagement and your recovery! Those are both things that deserve to be celebrated, and I hope you truly have. Like PianoGirl said, slips can happen to anybody, no matter what stage of recovery they're in. The important thing is recognizing the signs early, which it definitely seems that you've done. Hopefully your own self-awareness will be a great tool in helping you beat this temporary down.

Please let us know how your appointment goes!
Tori