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NEDA TOOLKIT for Parents Advice from other parents: What to expect and how to respond Well-meaning people who have no idea about what your family is going through can sometimes say insensitive things. Others who need to be part of the care and communication plan—like schools, coaches, other family members—need to know certain things. Avoid responding to intrusive questions that are none of the asker’s business. On the other hand, some questions provide an opportunity to educate and enlighten if you feel so inclined. Some days you may just feel too drained to respond to questions—let the asker know it’s not a great day to be asking questions. Parents of adolescents and young adults with an eating disorder offer the advice below about possible ways to respond to questions, based on their own experience. Aren’t eating disorders just the new disease fad? I hear about them all over the media. Not at all. An eating disorder is not a “fad” or a “phase.” People don’t just “catch” it and get over it. Eating disorders are complex and devastating conditions that can have serious consequences for physical and emotional health, quality of life, and relationships. An eating disorder? That’s not really an illness is it? It’s just dieting gone bad [anorexia]. It’s just an excuse to get sympathy for being overweight [bulimia; binge eating disorder]. It’s a recognized and real illness, identified by the National Institute of Mental Health. It’s also serious – anorexia is the largest cause of death among teenage girls. He’s/she’s only in middle school. Isn’t that too young to have an eating disorder? No. Eating disorders are diagnosed in people as young as 7. Can I give you some advice? I appreciate your thoughtfulness and desire to help, and it’s good to know I have your support. I’d really prefer to rely on the advice of our care team right now. We are getting lots of input from lots of directions and it’s really a little overwhelming. Thanks for caring. Why do you think he/she has an eating disorder? No one knows exactly what causes eating disorders. Right now I’m concerned with supporting my child through treatment and not focusing on the how and whys. How can he/she be sick? He/she doesn’t look sick. Individuals with bulimia nervosa typically are within the normal weight range, and some may be underweight or overweight. Individuals with anorexia may not look it outwardly until the disorder becomes so severe that it is life threatening. Why did he/she tell a teacher [coach, nurse, counselor—any other adult] first? Kids often are hesitant to tell their parents something they feel really bad about. We’re happy and relieved that he/she at least told someone who then told us so we can get him/her the care he/she needs. What are you doing to help your child? We’re listening to our child, educating ourselves about it, and getting the best, most comprehensive care possible to address all the aspects of a really complex illness. It’s exhausting. Page | 17