NEDA TOOLKIT for Parents
Advice from other parents: What to expect and how to
respond Well-meaning people who have no idea about what
your family is going through can sometimes say
insensitive things. Others who need to be part of the
care and communication plan—like schools, coaches,
other family members—need to know certain things.
Avoid responding to intrusive questions that are none
of the asker’s business. On the other hand, some
questions provide an opportunity to educate and
enlighten if you feel so inclined. Some days you may
just feel too drained to respond to questions—let the
asker know it’s not a great day to be asking questions.
Parents of adolescents and young adults with an
eating disorder offer the advice below about possible
ways to respond to questions, based on their own
experience. Aren’t eating disorders just the new disease
fad? I hear about them all over the media.
Not at all. An eating disorder is not a “fad” or a
“phase.” People don’t just “catch” it and get over it.
Eating disorders are complex and devastating
conditions that can have serious consequences for
physical and emotional health, quality of life, and
relationships. An eating disorder? That’s not really an
illness is it? It’s just dieting gone bad
[anorexia]. It’s just an excuse to get sympathy
for being overweight [bulimia; binge eating
disorder]. It’s a recognized and real illness, identified by the
National Institute of Mental Health. It’s also serious –
anorexia is the largest cause of death among teenage
girls. He’s/she’s only in middle school. Isn’t that too
young to have an eating disorder?
No. Eating disorders are diagnosed in people as young
as 7.
Can I give you some advice?
I appreciate your thoughtfulness and desire to help,
and it’s good to know I have your support. I’d really
prefer to rely on the advice of our care team right
now. We are getting lots of input from lots of
directions and it’s really a little overwhelming. Thanks
for caring.
Why do you think he/she has an eating
disorder? No one knows exactly what causes eating disorders.
Right now I’m concerned with supporting my child
through treatment and not focusing on the how and
whys. How can he/she be sick? He/she doesn’t look
sick. Individuals with bulimia nervosa typically are within
the normal weight range, and some may be
underweight or overweight. Individuals with anorexia
may not look it outwardly until the disorder becomes
so severe that it is life threatening.
Why did he/she tell a teacher [coach, nurse,
counselor—any other adult] first?
Kids often are hesitant to tell their parents something
they feel really bad about. We’re happy and relieved
that he/she at least told someone who then told us so
we can get him/her the care he/she needs.
What are you doing to help your child?
We’re listening to our child, educating ourselves about
it, and getting the best, most comprehensive care
possible to address all the aspects of a really complex
illness. It’s exhausting.
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