NEDA TOOLKIT for Parents
Can’t you just make her eat?
Why didn’t you do anything sooner?
Like many behavioral problems, it is hard to make
changes unless there is a consistent, persistent, and
clinically informed way of going about it. Although
you can’t just “make them eat,” you can, as parents
working with a professional who supports your efforts,
find effective ways to disrupt starvation and over
exercise. In fact, studies in the UK and US suggest that
putting parents in charge of weight restoration is
effective for most adolescents with anorexia nervosa.
The scariest thing about eating disorders is how
secretive they are and how well a person can hide the
condition. Hindsight is 20/20. Had we known the signs
and symptoms back then that we know now, we might
have suspected it sooner and would have sought help
right away. Even then, the person has to be willing to
accept treatment after the initial medical crisis is
over—and the nature of the illness makes that hard.
Will he/she be cured after treatment?
We’re hopeful for a full recovery over time. It can be a
very long haul. Getting the right treatment is key and
that’s a significant part of what I’m trying to
accomplish. Is there a chance that he/she could die?
Eating disorders can be life-threatening. They affect a
person’s physical and emotional health. Some people
have died from them. It’s very scary, but we are
hopeful and doing everything we can to make sure
he/she gets care that will prevent that.
Do you want us to help the child make-up
work (flexible schedule) or should we leave
him/her back a grade? Do you want us to
provide a tutor?
Let’s schedule a meeting with my child’s therapist and
the principal, key teachers, nurse, and school
psychologist to create the education plan.
What kind of support do you want the school
to provide?
Have a specific list from the treatment team: Mealtime
support; excuse from physical education or other
activities as needed; communication expected from
school and with whom.
What can I do to help?
Thanks very much for asking. Life has been very
draining lately just trying to make sure my child is
getting the care he/she needs. It leaves little time for
the mundane. I keep my “to-do” list handy. (Pull out
your list.) If you’re serious, I could use help with (assign
a task with a date and time that it’s needed).
Why aren’t you letting me help you?
Our child’s illness is serious and I’m relying on
professional help to treat his/her condition. The help I
need from family and friends is your continued
support and ongoing friendship. I appreciate your
asking. If I think of something our family needs that
you can do for us, I’ll let you know.
Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier?
It’s private and our focus initially was on educating
ourselves and getting our child the best care. We
weren’t even sure it would be helpful to share with
others. So when we were ready, we decided that now
is the right time for us to share this with friends and
family. How are you coping with this?
Thanks for asking. It’s very draining and very stressful
on our entire family. We really appreciate the
understanding and support coming from friends.
Page | 18