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NEDA TOOLKIT for Coaches and Trainers Athletes’ stories The stigma of male eating disorders: Disorders can happen in “non-high-risk” sports, too Talking with Patrick Bergstrom, eating disorders advocate, speaker and writer, founder of I Chose to Live As a star high school lacrosse player, Patrick Bergstrom stood out, on and off the field. He was handsome and excelled academically, socially and athletically. Coaches told him he was too small to play college lacrosse, but he was determined to prove them wrong. He set numerous records in lacrosse and weightlifting, played on the Maryland Senior All-State team and was nominated for the award of Maryland Public School Player of the Year. “When I wasn’t training, I was the life of the party,” Bergstrom recalls. I had a boyish charm and confidence that could win over any girl. There wasn’t ever a time where I wasn’t dating an eye-catching female. I loved attention, popularity and stardom.” All of that changed when he went off to college. Bergstrom suffered a string of injuries, went through five different coaches at two universities and drank to excess to numb the pain of his fall from athletic grace. In an effort to regain his high school magic, he began to work out more and eat less. Yet because he was still excelling in class and producing on the field, no one seemed to notice the pain he was in. The death of his coach and mentor in a freak accident during his sophomore year accelerated Bergstrom’s fall and triggered his eating disorder. His new coach didn’t believe in his ability and kept Bergstrom on the bench for most of his final season. “That was devastating to me,” he recalls. He continued abusing alcohol, living off energy drinks, and began eating less than a meal a day, all while juggling two girlfriends. His playing began to falter and his life, he says, “kind of went chaotic from there.” College, he adds, “is the ideal place for an athlete to have an eating disorder.” Athletes find themselves on their own for the first time. Many know little about nutrition, and intensive training, partying and studying can allow room for disordered eating or an eating disorder to thrive. Two years after graduating, a therapist diagnosed alcohol abuse and depression, and Bergstrom began seeing a counselor. He assumed he was fixed, yet the true cause of his poor health — his eating disorder — had not even been diagnosed yet. Bergstrom thought marriage might set him straight. By then he was pale, weak, and experiencing fainting spells. A month before his wedding was to take place, he found himself lying on the ground, crying out for help. Two weeks later, after four years of suffering from anorexia nervosa, he was finally given a proper diagnosis. He entered an eating disorders treatment center and his fiancée walked out of the relationship. Bergstrom is an eating disorders activist, speaker and writer, and heads an educational and advocacy organization, I Chose to Live. He’s heard from hundreds of men and boy athletes suffering from eating disorders. Most of the time, he says, the stories are similar to his own: perfectionist, popular, athletic, and smart people whose identities and self-esteem are completely tied up with their success as athletes. Bergstrom is also proof that any athlete, not just those in high-risk sports such as gymnastics or rowing, can become eating disordered. Bergstrom notes that in two important ways, however, his own story is typical of male athletes with eating disorders: First, “I wanted to be bigger, stronger, faster,” says Bergstrom. The “ripped six-pack and a muscular build” are the typical body ideal for the male athlete. Second, his disorder was diagnosed very late, when it had reached a crisis stage and hospitalization was essential. The extreme stigma faced by males with eating disorders makes them experts at covering up the disease, and their denial of the problem extreme. My biggest fear, he says, “was the reaction others would have when they found out I had an eating disorder.” Patrick Bergstrom’s Tips for Coaches • • • • • • • Coaches are athletes’ greatest teachers. Coach to instill life lessons in your athletes that will help them succeed off the field. Teach athletes to accept failure, to learn from their losses. Coach to win, but also teach athletes that sport does not equal life; they need to cultivate other sources of self-worth and satisfaction. Encourage athletes to play hard, but without losing sight of the fun of sport. Remember that most athletes aren’t going to continue their sport after high school or college; be sensitive to the whole athlete, including academics and non-athletic interests. Teach athletes to know the difference between “being the best you can be” and “being the best.” Page  | 44