NEDA TOOLKIT for Parents
Encouraging a Loved One to Seek Help
Recovery from an eating disorder requires professional
help, and chances of recovery are improved the sooner
a person begins treatment. It can be frustrating to
watch a loved one suffer and refuse to seek help.
Parents of children under 18 can often require that
their child’s eating disorder be treated, even if the child
doesn’t buy in to the idea that treatment is necessary.
• If the first professional isn’t a good match,
encourage them to keep looking. Finding the
right therapist isn’t easy, and someone may have
to interview several potential candidates before
finding one that works. Sometimes it takes
several tries before a person identifies the right
clinician. For parents of older sufferers, and other loved ones
of sufferers of any age, encouraging a reluctant eating
disorder patient to seek help can be a delicate task.
It’s crucial to their future well-being, however, to seek
recovery, and encouraging proper treatment of their
eating disorder can help them move towards that goal.
• Make sure they get a medical check-up. Eating
disorders cause a wide range of medical issues,
and sufferers need to see a physician regularly
to make sure their health isn’t at immediate risk.
Remember that lab work may remain stable
even if someone is close to death, so don’t rely
on blood tests alone.
Although every discussion with an eating disorder
sufferer will be slightly different, here are a few basic
points to keep in mind:
• Taking the first step towards recovery is scary
and challenging. Although the act of seeking
help might seem straightforward to you, it can
be very stressful and confusing. Keeping that
in mind will help you empathize with what the
other person is going through.
• Ask if they want help making the first call or
appointment. Some individuals may find it less
anxiety-provoking if someone else sets up the
appointment or goes with them to discuss a
potential eating disorder.
• Don’t buy the eating disorder’s excuses. It’s
easy enough to promise to see a doctor or
a therapist, but the sufferer needs to follow
through with making the appointment and
seeing a professional on a regular basis. Yes,
everyone’s busy, treatment can be expensive,
and the eating disorder might not seem like
a big deal. Don’t making eating disorder
treatment the only thing you talk about with
your loved one, but follow up on their promise
to see someone.
• Ally with the part of them that wants to
get well. Often, eating disorder sufferers are
hesitant to change their behaviors. Some people
have found it easier to focus on some of the side
effects of the eating disorder that the sufferer
may be more willing to acknowledge and tackle,
such as depression, social isolation, anxiety,
insomnia, fatigue, or feeling cold. This can help
get them in the door, where the eating disorder
can begin to be addressed.
• Remind the person of why they want to get
well. What types of goals does your loved one
have? Do they want to travel? Have children?
Go to college? Start a new career? Helping them
reconnect with their values and who they want
to be can help them stay focused on long-term
recovery and not the short-term benefits of the
eating disorder.
• Find a middle ground between forcing the
issue and ignoring it. If you become overly
insistent and combative about your loved one
seeking help, they may start to avoid you. On
the other hand, you don’t want to ignore a
potentially deadly illness. It’s not easy to find a
middle ground between these two extremes,
but regularly checking in with your loved one
about how they’re doing and if they are willing
to seek treatment can help nudge them in the
right direction.
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