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NEDA TOOLKIT for Parents Encouraging Your Child to Seek Treatment The following guidance presumes that the situation is not immediately life-threatening. If you are unsure, seek immediate emergency medical care or dial 911. Eating disorders can be fraught with secrecy and shame for sufferer and family alike. Many with eating disorders will deny they have a problem. Sometimes they are embarrassed and ashamed of their behaviors. Other people are afraid that if they admit they have a problem, they will have to stop their eating disorder behaviors, which can be extremely frightening and anxiety-provoking. Still other sufferers truly do not believe they have a problem and can be extremely reluctant to seek treatment. Despite this, many sufferers later say that they were ultimately glad when someone stepped in and encouraged them to seek treatment. Often sufferers desperately want to get well, even as they are ambivalent about giving up eating disorder behaviors. As a parent, it can be tempting to believe your child when they insist that they are fine. But when it comes to an eating disorder, your child may not always be the best judge of their physical and mental state. By insisting on a thorough evaluation by an eating disorder expert, the worst thing that can happen is you find out you made a big deal out of nothing. Clear both of your schedules and set up a quiet place to talk. The goal of this discussion should be to express your concerns to your loved one and to explain any steps you might be taking (e.g. setting up a doctor’s appointment or requesting they get evaluated for a possible eating disorder). Don’t worry about convincing them they have a problem. What you need to do as a parent won’t necessarily depend on their ability to believe there is something wrong. Be calm, caring, and non-judgmental. Express your observations with minimal emotion and use specifics. Try using a formula like “I am concerned when I see you running to the bathroom after dinner.” Share your concerns about other changes you may have noticed, such as an increase in depression, anxiety, or isolation. Be prepared for denial and anger. Many eating disorder sufferers feel threatened or exposed when someone confronts them about their behavior. Not infrequently, they react with denial and anger. Don’t take this personally. It isn’t because you didn’t do a good job talking to them, but because they are likely very afraid and uncertain. Try to stay off of their emotional wave as best you can. Your ability to stay calm and tolerate their distress is one of the most powerful tools you can muster against their eating disorder. Don’t expect insight or buy-in. Your child may be one of those with an eating disorder who can recognize that something is wrong and expresses a willingness to participate in treatment. If so, great! If not, don’t worry. It’s normal for a young person with an eating disorder to have limited insight into the seriousness of their illness. It doesn’t mean they won’t get better. Sometimes insight doesn’t happen until long into recovery. Stay focused on what you need to do. One of the biggest gifts you can give your child is to stay focused on their long-term needs and their health. Even if they don’t think it’s necessary, insist on a medical check-up and evaluation by an eating disorder expert. Go to the appointment with your child if you can. If not, make sure the physician knows ahead of time about your concerns and potential tests to run. Also require that your child sign all waivers and forms so that you can speak directly to their medical providers. The age at which this happens varies by state: in some places, the age is 18, but it can be as young as 13. Seek a second opinion. Not all eating disorder treatment providers are created equal. There are no rules as to who can call themselves an expert at treating eating disorders. Talk to several therapists and physicians until you find one you can feel confident will treat your child well. Get several ideas about treatment options and determine which one will work best for your child and family. Page  | 18