NEDA TOOLKIT for Parents
Remind your child that life will be there after
recovery. Taking time off of school or college can seem like a
deal-breaker to many young people. What can be hard
to realize in the moment is that school and life will still
be waiting after they are more stable in their recovery.
Plenty of people can seek treatment for their eating
disorder with minimal disruption in their life, but others
need more intensive support. When making your
decisions about treatment, remember that recovery
comes first. Everything else can wait.
If your child is over 18, you may be more limited in
what you can legally require your child to do. However,
don’t despair. You have love on your side, and that
really helps. Here are some other things that also
might help:
Use whatever leverage you have.
Even some of the most successful young adults aren’t
completely financially independent, especially while
at college or if they have recently graduated. Require
them to seek an eating disorder evaluation and seek
appropriate treatment (including signing any waivers).
Make these actions contingent on your providing any
financial or practical assistance, such as paying for
college, car, cell phones, etc. It sounds cruel on the
surface, but you are really prioritizing their health and
their life above anything else.
Seek to be involved with their treatment.
Yes, they’re over 18 and they’re legally adults. But an
eating disorder often causes a regression in maturity,
so although they might be 25 in years, they may only
be able to function at the level of a 14-year-old. Add
to that the fact that the eating disorder is a master
manipulator and feels threatened when others are
involved in treatment. Regardless of how your child
feels about you being involved in their treatment, you
can provide valuable insights to clinicians that your
child might miss.
Keep lines of communication open.
If your child initially rejects your pleas that they seek
help, don’t give up. If they are financially independent,
you may have less leverage to encourage them to
seek care, but you can still play an important role
in their life. It may take time for the message that
you love them and you want them to live a full and
complete life without an eating disorder in the way to
sink in. Hopefully, with time and love and lots of open
communication, they will receive your message.
Set your own boundaries.
Know what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate in
your home. Every family will draw the lines somewhat
differently. Try framing it like drug abuse. You probably
wouldn’t allow your child to do heroin in their
bedroom if you could stop it. Make it clear to your
loved one what behaviors are out of bounds and what
the consequences are, and then calmly, clearly, and
consistently follow through. This will help reinforce in
their minds what is and isn’t okay, and will hopefully
help to encourage them to seek treatment.
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