NEDA TOOLKIT for Parents
Talking to Young Children About Eating Disorders
Whether in a sibling, friend, or parent, eating disorders can be frightening and stressful for loved ones to
understand. When the loved one is a young child, the issue can become even more complicated. The goal of
this section is to provide some basic information on eating disorders to help explain to young children what is
happening to their friend or family member.
What to tell a young child?
This will depend on their age and where they are in
their emotional, social, and cognitive development.
There are no formal guidelines on what is best to tell
a child and when, so use your best judgment and
knowledge of the child.
It might be tempting to avoid saying something
altogether with a very young child, since it can seem
that they are unaware of the issue. However, children
are often more observant than adults realize and
frequently see what is going on, even if they cannot
verbalize it. Acknowledging that something is going
on with their loved one’s behavior can validate their
emotions and help them feel more safe and secure.
Some brief statements that might help very young
children understand an eating disorder in a friend or
family member:
• “Mom/Dad/Sibling has trouble eating properly.
We are all working together to help him/her
learn to eat better to get healthy. We all need
food to help our bodies function properly.”
• “Mom/Dad/Sibling gets very frightened and
upset at mealtimes. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
We hope that this will get easier for them with
treatment.” • “Having an eating problem can be very scary.
It can also be scary when a parent/sibling has
an eating problem. Do you have any questions
about eating problems? Is there anything you
would like to talk about?”
• “Your parent’s/sibling’s eating problem is being
helped by grown-ups and doctors. Your job is
to be yourself.”
• “Your parent/sibling is not choosing to act this
way. This isn’t their fault. It’s not your fault.
We’re all doing the best we can to help them
get better.”
What to tell an older child?
Older children may have heard of eating disorders
and be better able to understand the complexities of
what is happening to their loved one. Psychologists
recommend keeping the discussions brief and matter-
of-fact, while also giving the child a chance to express
his/her emotions and concerns about their family
member or friend.
Some Common Questions from Children
Children may have questions about eating disorders,
just like adults do. Here are some common questions
with some sample answers.
What is an eating disorder?
Eating disorders are illnesses that make somebody eat
too much or too little for a long period of time. Lots
of us might eat a little more one day and a little less
the next. That’s perfectly normal. People with eating
disorders do this day after day, and they can’t stop
even though it’s making them sick. That’s why your
mom/dad/sibling is seeing a doctor: to help get better.
Are eating disorders serious?
They can be. But most people with eating disorders do
get better. Your mom/dad/sibling is working on getting
well and is seeing a doctor to make sure they stay
healthy. Will I get an eating disorder?
I don’t know. I hope not. The best thing you can do to
stay healthy is eat enough to keep growing and tell an
adult if you start to get worried about food or what you
weigh. What causes an eating disorder?
No one knows for sure. What doctors do know is that
people don’t choose to have eating disorders.
Will mom/dad/sibling have to go away to get better?
Many people with eating disorders can stay at home
while they are working on getting better. Some people
need extra help and may go to a special hospital to get
better. Do other people have this problem?
Yes — you and your family member are not alone. Lots of
people also have eating problems and there are lots of
good doctors out there who are helping them get well.
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